To be really angry and upset to be labelled racist?

[motherlondon]

We are currently on holiday in Asia, the latest place we are staying is a very nice all
Inclusive small resort.

Not cheap, to put in perspective this place cost as much for 3 nights as last place cost for 12 nights, but wanted to end holiday on a lovely high note.

Me and two kids (6 and8). It was a 90 minute boat transfer to get here. We drove for four hours, waited at port for three hours as boat left 90 minutes later than we were told.

I think they bunched two boat departures together. The boat had a small enclosed cabin and one of my kids sat inside, but when we went to go in, realised that there was hardly any room and said we would sit outside, with another family of four (adult kids). The crew told us we would get wet but we said we would sit out anyway.

We got absolutely pounded, just destroyed by water, I lost an earring, my ear is full of water etc.

When we arrived it was all, garlands and welcome drinks, I asked for a towel and said to manager that it was ridiculous and dangerous.

That night at dinner manager asked if I was 'feeling better' and I said again that it wasn't a case of feeling better, but a case of the trip not being appropriate.

Anyway, we got on with our holiday, had an absolutely beautiful day today, and went to pay for some tat that kids got at gift shop. On desk is a report on guests - mr and Mrs so and so, enjoyed snorkelling and food but said service slow etc.

Mine was that I was angry when I arrived, chose to sit outside boat with other WHITE (their use of capitals) family and that although I had toned down by dinner, the manager believes I have a problem with ASIANS.

I am mortified. I have lived and worked all over the world and the very very last thing you could label me is racist.

I feel embarrassed that we have been getting served at dinner, helped in the water etc by staff who've been briefed that I don't like Asians, and also that if I saw the report, what other guests did?

I am sickened and it has seriously upset me, before dinner I was planning when we could come back for longer and now I just want to get out of here.

I have emailed the manager, but am I being unreasonable? To be pissed off about the dangerous boat ride, and then to be embarrassed and sad that I have been labelled a racist?

What should I do?

You should have enjoyed the pounding of the waves and the thrill of the loss of your earring

BIG LOL

I’m confused. Either there was room inside the cabin, or there wasn’t. If there wasn’t, then what was the point of them warning you that you’d get wet? What was the alternative they were offering to sitting outside.

Anyway, YANBU to be upset at finding that report. It’s creepy that they keep them, but if they’re going to keep that kind of information about people then they need to keep it very, very private! I’d be devastated too.

They are also BU if they didn’t try very hard to make some room and persuade you to go inside, especially with a six year old. That sounds incredibly dangerous.

But if they did try, and there was room inside, and you still insisted on sitting outside with your kids then I do think you are B a bit U to then complain about getting wet!

Also, if I were called a racist (and I never have been) I would not let it get to me, because I know in my heart I'm not. The lady, doth protest too much

What rubbish.i wouldn't want rubbish written about me that other people could see, especially something like racism.
If it wouldn't bother you well bully for you, but it would a lot of people!
I don't like people lying about me

I agree I'd find it really weird that the hotel was doing these reports. I thought hotel managers were busy.

On the last day, present them with their own report.

Manager “mistakenly called me a racist based on an illegal boat trip, but had toned herself down by dinner time”

In countries that don't have the same litigation culture as here or the US the understanding and appreciation for safety rules and regs can be lacking, whether I'd subject my kids to the same I'm not sure but there have been plenty of 'hairy' situations just me and DP travelling. As a result they possibly could not see any other explaination as to why you stayed outside getting pummeled by waves! YABU to complain about the getting wet given you are warned but YANBU to complain about the report.

YANBU. I'm absolutely amazed that anyone thinks you are. Too many people on a boat regardless of where you sat. I would have been making a very big complaint about that long before I saw the report about me.

Goes on boat. Gets surprised that she gets wet.

As PPs have said, the report's probably up front "insurance"

Agencies selling an expensive hotel will have been assured about all the "wonderful things" they do for guests and "how high their standards are", and instead they've saved a few Baht by breaking even the basic regs around max capacity/boat safety and you've been drenched as a result

They'll worry about bad reviews and possible questions from any such agency, so are doubtless getting their excuses in first

Midnite - reads thread about me being called racist, takes away that I'm pissed off about getting wet on boat.

*@MirriVan

do you know what is worse than being called a racist?
Experiencing racism.
As I've said, I can see why your actions could have been interpreted as so, and in which case it was actually wise to give the staff a heads up.

The hotel staff probably do face racism on a regular basis - perhaps it's better for them to be over cautious? That's how I'd look at it to make myself feel better, anyway.*

the staff fully expect you to squeeze in as is the way in many developing countries. An individual seat is not required to travel or expected. Everyone squeezes in
All of this

Also I'd definitely mention the dangerous trip in the review. I'd struggle to "laugh it off"

I'd struggle to put my kids on an overloaded boat. But I suppose it wasn't brought home to you until you'd totted up the numbers and read the capacity notice.

It's different travelling on your own and just getting on with stuff.

Altogether I probably wouldn't be happy at what I'd been sold. But how best to approach it is another matter.

Iboogy - everyone squeezes in. An individual seat is not required or expected.

Yeah, on a local boat trip at local charges. Not on a private transfer to a 700quid a night resort.

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all, the boat should fit everyone!

If I'd paid anywhere near £700/night to experience an over-capacity (not just crowded), seriously uncomfortable boat ride to a resort which noted all of my movements in a written report which was left around for anyone to read and included an entirely incorrect allegation of racism, I would be seriously pissed off.

Yes that would be my reaction too!

The crossing sounds horrendous! It must have been very scary for you all. Thank goodness you arrived all in one piece, although shaken. I think you’re totally within your rights to be upset and offended. Placed in an unsafe and late boat and then branded a racist when you complained?! Also, what kind of hotel creates reports on guests? Is this a ‘thing’? All very ‘big brother’ and weird if you ask me. Definitely raise your points on Tripadvisor, a family could drown one day on that boat ride by the sounds of it! I really feel for you. All rather Kafkaesque.

I think the fact that the on the report you've tried to (unsuccessfully) scribble out the line where it says 'and even though she was warned the waves were VERY STRONG she choose to sit outside etc' sort of undermines your argument a bit.

You were warned, decided you knew better and then complained about the exact thing you were warned about. I don't know if you're racist but you are certainly one of 'those' annoying customers and I think fair play to the hotel!

When you pay for a service you aren't paying for servants.

A high-end resort should have adequate transfer facilities. I would be complaining about the overcrowding too.

I would also have an issue with the report’s content and it being left for anyone to see (guests).

However I would also find it particularly creepy that they were noting my family’s activities in that way.

An overcrowded boat is extremely dangerous and wouldn't have enough safety equipment on it. What hotel was it? Name and shame

Don't think I want to go on holiday were someone is writing little reports on me.

Maybe you are a closet racist? Maybe you're not, but the point is that they experienced you as racist. Would you got at least want to try to clear this up?

MrsT what on earth are you going on about? Where has she said she tried to scribble anything out? What’s this rubbish about servants?

The OP paid £700 a night for an high end resort which included boat transfer. The boat was 90 minutes late and was over filled. She couldn’t fit in the cabin as it was to full so sat outside with other people who agreed. If she had squeezed in she would have gone against the maximum persons safety capacity. She then complained that the crossing was dangerous and was labelled racist.

The point they experienced op as racist is hardly the nub of it for memthough it may be for op.

Dull I know but I'd be asking about lifejackets, but hey life and death is a bit less hot button than racism!