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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really angry and upset to be labelled racist?

205 replies

motherlondon · 17/01/2019 14:08

We are currently on holiday in Asia, the latest place we are staying is a very nice all
Inclusive small resort.

Not cheap, to put in perspective this place cost as much for 3 nights as last place cost for 12 nights, but wanted to end holiday on a lovely high note.

Me and two kids (6 and8). It was a 90 minute boat transfer to get here. We drove for four hours, waited at port for three hours as boat left 90 minutes later than we were told.

I think they bunched two boat departures together. The boat had a small enclosed cabin and one of my kids sat inside, but when we went to go in, realised that there was hardly any room and said we would sit outside, with another family of four (adult kids). The crew told us we would get wet but we said we would sit out anyway.

We got absolutely pounded, just destroyed by water, I lost an earring, my ear is full of water etc.

When we arrived it was all, garlands and welcome drinks, I asked for a towel and said to manager that it was ridiculous and dangerous.

That night at dinner manager asked if I was 'feeling better' and I said again that it wasn't a case of feeling better, but a case of the trip not being appropriate.

Anyway, we got on with our holiday, had an absolutely beautiful day today, and went to pay for some tat that kids got at gift shop. On desk is a report on guests - mr and Mrs so and so, enjoyed snorkelling and food but said service slow etc.

Mine was that I was angry when I arrived, chose to sit outside boat with other WHITE (their use of capitals) family and that although I had toned down by dinner, the manager believes I have a problem with ASIANS.

I am mortified. I have lived and worked all over the world and the very very last thing you could label me is racist.

I feel embarrassed that we have been getting served at dinner, helped in the water etc by staff who've been briefed that I don't like Asians, and also that if I saw the report, what other guests did?

I am sickened and it has seriously upset me, before dinner I was planning when we could come back for longer and now I just want to get out of here.

I have emailed the manager, but am I being unreasonable? To be pissed off about the dangerous boat ride, and then to be embarrassed and sad that I have been labelled a racist?

What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
motherlondon · 17/01/2019 15:37

Mirrivan - if I was racist towards Asians, why in hells name would I pay a fortune and travel for a day to come to ah, you know Asia??

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 17/01/2019 15:42

It's just all very unprofessional and bizarre OP.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 17/01/2019 15:44

Oh dear OP!
Unfortunately, with this kind of accusation, a vehement denial rarely convinces.
I think the only think you can do is continue to be friendly and polite and let people draw their own conclusions.
I would also let the management know that private notes meant for the staffs own use was visible to customers.

User478 · 17/01/2019 15:46

I would be furious too actually, you've paid lots of money to go there, they offered you an unsafe crossing and then written offensive notes about you, it makes it a bit hard to relax if you assume all the staff are spitting in your food. I would be speaking with the manager and also with whoever you booked with, and unless I was made to be 100% happy, I'd leave a factual review. I'm sure all the people who have said it was your fault would still not fancy the same trip if they were in your shoes!

Whoever said that being accused of racism is not as bad as experiencing it, true but if they have assumed she didn't want to sit inside because she was white then that's racism too isn't it?

Original poster
motherlondon · 17/01/2019 15:46

ToetoToe - vom. Nah it's an outrigger set up with a small cabin.

OP posts:
AuntieOxident · 17/01/2019 15:55

Um — I don’t know if the OP is a Brit or not but if she is I can certainly understand why she may not want to make people budge up/make room for her and her DC - I’d be embarrassed to do that and would be concerned that it came across as a little entitled, not to mention an encroachment on other people’s personal space - something that culturally many of us find difficult.

MirriVan · 17/01/2019 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tillytrotter1 · 17/01/2019 15:56

'Racism', the universal cop-out, if you were to complain to Head-Office they can trot out this 'report'. There was clearly a situation where the vessels were not suitable for the numbers, to be warned of 'getting wet' is one thing but it should have been made clear that the waves would be over the boat and the result would be far worse that 'getting wet'.

reallybadidea · 17/01/2019 15:59

YANBU at all, but I think some of the comments are partly because of the way you've explained it (and partly because some people will disagree with everything on AIBU as a matter of principle).

If you'd said: our boat transfer was massively late, and so overbooked so that although the crew didn't want us to, we had no choice but to sit outside where we got absolutely soaked. Then the manager was rude to me when I asked for a towel and has written a report on me, which he left out for everyone to see, claiming that I'm racist. I reckon you'd have got a few more sympathetic responses.

Myheartbelongsto · 17/01/2019 16:07

You were warned not to sit outside and you still did so that's your own fault really.

FarAwayFromTheMidnightAir · 17/01/2019 16:07

What did you scribble out though - the stuff they wrote about you before that? Does that explain their thoughts further?

sittingonthetallseat · 17/01/2019 16:08

So did the cabin have asian people in it? At the risk of being labelled racist, I am just thinking of images of massively overcrowded indian buses and trains with people literally hanging out of doors, could it be that the asian staff had different ideas of what constituted overcrowded to you? And to them it looked like there was room to squash up together in the cabin, and couldn't understand why you were choosing to get soaked, even though you had been warned you would get wet? Especially when it became clear that you were very unhappy about getting so wet. You're behaviour may have seen utterly inexplicable to them, and so in trying to understand it they have decided you have a problem with Asians.

SoupDragon · 17/01/2019 16:08

*Everyone - yes

Is your definition of "everyone" different to mine?

Original poster
motherlondon · 17/01/2019 16:10

Far Away, I scribbled out names and nationalities and the port where we left from.

OP posts:
newnameforthis7 · 17/01/2019 16:10

I would complain to the hotel OP. Not fair to call you racist. Nothing you said or did sounds like racism. How rude.

Hope your ear is OK now.

Bellasorellaa · 17/01/2019 16:13

you dont sound racist you just sound moany

CottonSock · 17/01/2019 16:13

Racist had nothing to do with it anywhere. Pounding waves were dangerous for your kids, I would be fuming.

Karigan195 · 17/01/2019 16:18

Actually it does sound kind of racist.....against you. Aren’t they presuming you are racist because you say with a white fanily and are white? Isn’t that racism? A presumption against those of white nationality.

Personally I think it was a bit naive to sit outside on one of those boats with kids and think it would be ok. I don’t think you had a right to complain about the boat but I would be complaining about the ‘report’

whatamidoingwithmylife · 17/01/2019 16:21

I'd be furious to be branded that way publicly. If you saw it then other guests probably did too and now know you as that massive racist at the resort.

I was a bit disturbed to see they've been keeping watch on everything you've done since and noting it down. Very odd and basically gives you no actual privacy Confused

Prufrockspeach · 17/01/2019 16:23

YANBU!!!

I can't believe some of the responses on here OP..... I would be incredibly annoyed if I paid for an expensive holiday and there was not enough room on the transfer. My DCs would have wanted to sit next to me (regardless of the ethnicity of anyone around them) and wouldn't have wanted to be randomly squeezed onto the laps of strangers in an overcrowded cabin. Its not your fault the other people who had been squeezed out were white?!? Sounds dangerous that they exceeded the passenger numbers - its just dangerous and goes against all safety regulations.

I'd also be seriously annoyed that "notes" were made about me and left on the desk - talk about being made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. I would be complaining if I were you as this has obviously ruined what was supposed to be a lovely holiday.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 17/01/2019 16:31

It's the manager that is the racist. I would complain and make sure you leave an accurate review on their website and trip advisor, so the white folks know if they complain about anything, however, justified, they will be branded a racist. That way people can decide if they really want to spend their hard earned dollars/euros/£ at that resort.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 17/01/2019 16:37

I think you need to go with the flow, and try not to be so uptight. Especially, when you're a visitor to another country. I also don't like the "I'm not racist my partner is X" Every covert racist I have ever met has said that. It's like saying, I'm not racist, I have black friends, children, whatever. Unless you have the ethnicity in your blood, then you don't have a right to say shit. Sorry Op, I call it as I see it.

Imissgmichael · 17/01/2019 16:38

Yep there was racism on this occasion. Racism against the OP. But then I’ve seen some posters argue on MN that you can’t be racist against white people. It’s a view that really gets on my nerves.

Ringdonna · 17/01/2019 16:39

Not racist, but your own fault.

SoupDragon · 17/01/2019 16:41

I think you need to go with the flow, and try not to be so uptight.

Uptight? You'd be happy with being accused of "having a problem with Asians"?

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