Dh wants me to quit work

[anxiousmotherof1]

Long story short started work in november after a year of maternity leave .
DS is in nursery full time . Since he started he has been getting sick literally every week i have already used alot of my annual leave
Just before xmas he got very ill and had to be in iv antibiotics . Then he got better and was fine while at home . As soon as he got back to nursery he got sick again only lasted 4 days . Doctor gave antibiotics again as he is wheezing

Dh thinks that he is not meant for nursery and that it would be better if i stayed home with him full time . Am not sure what to think i dont think i ll be comfortable not having any earnings but on the other hand i cannot keep going on like this ! I knew he would be getting sick but not this often .
We keep fighting about my job . Do you think is normal to get sick so often ? Thinking of changing him to another nursery that has an outstanding rating but i dont really think it will make a difference

Can your dh not also take time off equally? Also have you both checked out if you are entitled to carers leave. It is totally normal for children to get sick frequently when starting nursery or later playgroup/ pre-school. They are building up their immune system. Why did he need anti biotics? Did he have bacterial infections?
Don't give up your financial independence if you don't feel comfortable and make it clear to do that there are two parents.

Suggest that you split 50/50 and each work half the week?
If that doesn't go down well then he needs a bit of a kick into the 21st century,
One good thing if you stick with nursery is that he will have the immune system of an ox once he starts school and you won't need much time off then.

Why is it your job that has to go?

Try the better nursery first and see if that helps your DS.
Your DP sees you as the default parent and your job as dispensable. Thats a second, separate issue.

It certainly won't make any difference if you put him in an outstanding nursery or not.

Nurseries I've worked in, if we've had a run of sickness in children then the nursery was deep cleaned. However in my opinion nurseries need to be clean.
Unfortunately he will still pick up illnesses.

Have you thought of a childminder or nanny? I'm sure you have.

Unless the GP says your DS has a medical condition, I would see how it goes until the Summer. Giving up your job seems a bit drastic.

Have you considered using a childminder instead of a nursery? He would get more personal attention, there are fewer kids, so potentially less exposure to bugs and (IME), childminders are less likely to send kids home with minor illnesses.

Totally normal to pick up bugs at first and at least he’s getting them over with now rather than when he starts school. Why on earth should you be the one to take all the time off though? You need to split the time off. This phase won’t last long. Chucking your career in because of a few weeks of juggling the bugs and time off would be a massively short sighted thing to do.

Would both of you working part time be an option?
One parent being a full time sahp is fine if both are happy with that, but not fine at all if you don't want to do it and are being pressured by your DH. Remind him you are both parents, and equally that you are both adults with a right to make choices. Neither of you is default parent although it sounds as if he has decided you are. Has he been using his a/l to care for his unwell child?

DS was like this .... constantly ill bless him . So I moved him to a Childminder with less kids . Less kids =less bugs .... it worked for him and DD joined him there too when she came along .... I would look into an alternative setting before giving up work entirely.

Ride it out. Kids start meeting other kids and have a year of constant illness as they build up their immunity. It's frustrating but normal. Pulling him it will mean you go through this when he starts school.
It will get better eventually.

I wouldn't change nursery, that will make no difference and just unsettle d's, dc often get ill quite a lot when they first start childcare, so give it a bit longer and he should be fine.
dh is able to use his annual leave to look after his child too.
or dh is able to leave his job to look after d's, or both pt? don't agree to anything you're not happy with and lots of discussion

Childminder might be better, less children and cleaner setting.

I look back at photos of my DS when he first started nursery, and he looks I'll in every single one. It took about 6 months before he stopped being permanently ill. And starting in the winter, when everyone has colds is the worst time for it.

Your DH needs to step up, and share the sick days with your (plural!) child. Do not give in and quit work now, or you may never get back into it. You leave yourself financially vulnerable in both the short term and at pension age.

Can one or other of you use parental (unpaid) leave instead of annual leave?

Why do you have to give up work? If he's so bothered about it then why doesn't he stay at home?

Absolutely no way would I be giving up a career I've worked hard to develop and no way would I be willing to sacrifice my long term financial security.

Tell him to sling his hook and pull his weight with the time off needed. How nice he thinks your role is to be home and your career not important.

Be it nursery or school, most children get ill often when they start as they need to build up their immune system.

Both go part time.

NFW. He needs to step up.

You could try the new nursery but with such a weak immune system you might be better to reduce the days he attends and gradually increase over time. Perhaps get a nanny who can slowly introduce him to social environments. Do you have family who can pitch in and help out? Are you working full time or part time? Maybe cut your hours down for now but don’t leave work if you enjoy it. Kids get sick a lot especially when first exposed to nursery, unless he has a medical condition I would push on with attending nursery and just reduce the days a bit.

A child minder might be a better option.

My answer would be absolutely no way. Those first few months, especially with a winter start.

A childminder might be better for you and your child as there are fewer children and I've also found them a bit more relaxed when it comes to illness so don't need to take as much time off.

Your husband also needs to take leave when your child is sick.

Why would you throw your whole career away based on a couple of difficult months of childcare?

If you can afford a nanny to give 1-2-1 care for the next few months I’d do that instead even if it wipes out your earnings in the short term. Unfortunately it’s really common for babies to be ill weekly at this time of the year but they get less ill as they get older, I remember that stage well. Don’t give up your job I’m so glad I stuck it out as it does give you a lot of long term security.

Totally normal for newbies at nursery to get ill alot. Doesn't sound like your DH sees it as his responsibility to share the load though hence you have used most of your leave. I would never put myself in a position to be a SAHM but that's due to my past and I never want to be having to rely on someone else...tell your DH to pull his finger out and take time off too to support your return to work. It will settle down at nursery

pp "However in my opinion nurseries need to be clean."

I'm fairly sure most people have that opinion

I’d consider a childminder, mine went and neither had more than one sickness episode a year, even at the beginning. Her house was and is immaculately clean but still loads of toys. They went to playgroups, parks and play centres daily to meet up with other children.
When they were sick me and DH split the time off as it wasn’t fair for just my job to be affected by OUR child being off sick.