Dh wants me to quit work

[anxiousmotherof1]

Long story short started work in november after a year of maternity leave .
DS is in nursery full time . Since he started he has been getting sick literally every week i have already used alot of my annual leave
Just before xmas he got very ill and had to be in iv antibiotics . Then he got better and was fine while at home . As soon as he got back to nursery he got sick again only lasted 4 days . Doctor gave antibiotics again as he is wheezing

Dh thinks that he is not meant for nursery and that it would be better if i stayed home with him full time . Am not sure what to think i dont think i ll be comfortable not having any earnings but on the other hand i cannot keep going on like this ! I knew he would be getting sick but not this often .
We keep fighting about my job . Do you think is normal to get sick so often ? Thinking of changing him to another nursery that has an outstanding rating but i dont really think it will make a difference

I had exactly the same situation with DS when I went back to work and he started nursery - in regards to the illnesses. He was 11 months at the time. I think he must have been well a grand total of about 7 days for the first three months!! It was a scary and exhausting time. Our GP ensured us it was 'normal' as in kids need to build up their immune systems and it was not an unusual situation. The nursery was also very reassuring. They said that he should be gradually getting sick less and less after about three months and he did!

It is true that he wouldn't be getting sick so much, were he at home. But we cannot afford it and so we just soldiered on and eventually that phase passed,

Of course each situation is different so I would consult with your GP about the severity of the situation.

Now in terms of childcare while he is ill... DH and I share about 50/50 and it makes things a lot easier, but I understand that each family has their own spoken or unspoken arrangements for these things.

What if you try going part time and only take your DC to nursery 2-3 days a week? It might help ease the pressure and then try going back full time in the summer. Would your work accept that?

@Questioningeverything my ds is 14 months . He never got sick before nursery . They run a blood test because he was getting sick all the time since november it showed slightly lower white blood cells . The doctor says it is lickely due to the viral infection but they are retwsting him again this week ( he got another viral one now so am not sure how thats going to go ) .

Part time is an option for me . Am sure my job would accept that

My DC had a lot of illness when at nursery - lots of chest infections which turned out to be pneumonia. Then I was made redundant so the decison (to give up work) was was made for me.

At the time it made sense - though have to say am still not earning what I was back then - 15 yrs ago.

I would definitely go for high quality child minder over nursery for a one year old who is frequently ill. For some the stress of nursery I think makes them more susceptible (obviously not all babies are stressed by nursery). Childminder he'll have fewer kids to catch things off too.

Try a childminder.

Unless there is an underlying issue then it’s just one of those things you have to ride out. When DD started she was ill all the time for the first 3 months... every infection going and a bout of conjunctivitis for good measure. And as she pukes whenever she coughs a lot or her temp spikes it really was completely awful. It’s an apocryphal time in our house now remembered as vomit-vember! But we then had a two week holiday and she got over everything and, touch wood, hasn’t had anything worse than the standard seasonal colds since. So it might be worth giving it a bit longer and seeing how it goes rather than making major decisions when this could all be over in another 6-8 weeks.

Should have said nothing in the last 1.5 years. It’s a baptism of fire starting childcare but they all have to go through some time!

We had this with dd when she went to nursery, it lasted about a year. I took nearly all my leave to stay at home with her. We had two hospital stays during this year. She did grow out of it. It did get easier. Changing nursery might help.

I would try not to give up your job and ride it out. Summer is coming and there will be less bugs then and your ds’s immune system will get stronger.

The tough thing is that it may well be the solution that works best ‘for the family’ but at what cost to your role, your career and earning potential, your relationship dynamic and decimation of your pension provision.

SlackerMum actually they don't all have to go through it at all. Babies have immature immune systems. Mine all started preschool at age 3, no childcare before that, and we had very little illness, just the odd couple of days occasionally. They're all at school now. One of them was hospitalised with a kidney infection when she was 10, but aside from that none have ever had more than a few days a year off sick, and all have had years without a sick day.

I think the ddad needs to stay home, or try a childminder - less kids, less germs.

I find it's the first winter that's worst, so given you have to give a months notice anyway I'd give it til March/April.

Let your GP help make the call. If medical advice says it is dangerous for him to be in nursery, then clearly you have to prioritise your dc's health. Even then, a nanny is expensive, but the longterm costs of giving up or cutting back your work may be greater.

At nursery he is in a much bigger viral soup than he was when staying at home. Each time there is a new child in the nursery or a new member of staff then another ingredient has been added to the soup. Then a sibling of nursery child starts school and another set of ingredients gets added.

Changing childcare setting will change the soup that is all.

If they are viruses then he wont get them again.

You get the same thing at work. I had a colleague who moved to UK from another country and I dont think was cold-free for many months.

Awh it is awful when they are sick. I think most children get a bad run of illness when they start nursery, especially this time of year, there has been Scarlett fever, croup, chicken pox flu and bugs in DS pre school since September, he has been so sick as he has been in a child minder not creche for his few years.
I would definitely look for a home set up child minder in your area before you consider giving up work.

For those suggesting childminder . How do i go about finding one ? Is there a reputable website that you would reccomend

Actually children really do - we all do. Your long term immune response is developed by coming into contact with germs and viruses. I’m not arguing that it’s vital all children attend childcare or go through this at any particular age. But at some stage they will come into contact and will have to develop an immune response. That’s a basic facet of growing into a healthy adult.

I hope the tests come back clear anxious. As pps have said, it’s completely normal for DC to catch every bug doing the rounds and once they have they will have better resistance. It doesn’t matter if they start at nursery, wait until primary school or spent their first ten years at home. Once they start mixing with people they will get colds and sickness bugs for a few months.

ElvisParsley makes a good point re your pension contributions. Don’t give up work now and don’t let anything force you to.

As others have said you will get it at one end or another. With DC we got it over with in nursery, whereas friend had her son at home until school age and then he missed about half of his first school year with sickness. We're meant to be around others sharing germs and building our own immunity but yes it's rubbish at the time!

SlackerMum1 exposing one year olds to constant illness and hospitalisation is unnecessary. If they're first exposed when they're a couple of years older they have a better chance. Its a myth that it's an advantage to be frequently very ill as a baby, it's unnecessary.

My older children are at a huge secondary school now with over a thousand children - aside from the kidney infection they've probably had less than 10 days off I'll between them in the last ten years.

I’m wondering if your home is exceptionally clean and he’s had very little contact with normal germs

Does he dig in the garden? Do you continually wipe him down?

Just a general thought!

Child minders have to be registered and have police checks. Local authority may have a list or google registered child minder. There are good childminders better than nursery, and not so good worse than. A good minder is great but I wouldn move a child who was settled if this just temporary

For those suggesting childminder. How do i go about finding one? They have to be registered with your local Council. So ask your Council for their list of registered childminders.

Local Facebook groups are a good way of finding childminders as you can ask for recommendations.

Try childcare.co.uk to find a local childminder. Ask if they are registered. To become registered they have to pass all sorts of checks (criminal record, health declaration, knowledge of early years development and Safeguarding training).

There is a site mindme in Ireland, I am sure there are similar set ups, or a neighbour even we don't register for family or friends as childminders, theres no tax credit etc so lots of local mams do child care.
Is there a register you can check.