Dh wants me to quit work

[anxiousmotherof1]

Long story short started work in november after a year of maternity leave .
DS is in nursery full time . Since he started he has been getting sick literally every week i have already used alot of my annual leave
Just before xmas he got very ill and had to be in iv antibiotics . Then he got better and was fine while at home . As soon as he got back to nursery he got sick again only lasted 4 days . Doctor gave antibiotics again as he is wheezing

Dh thinks that he is not meant for nursery and that it would be better if i stayed home with him full time . Am not sure what to think i dont think i ll be comfortable not having any earnings but on the other hand i cannot keep going on like this ! I knew he would be getting sick but not this often .
We keep fighting about my job . Do you think is normal to get sick so often ? Thinking of changing him to another nursery that has an outstanding rating but i dont really think it will make a difference

Childminders are ofsted registered. Some sites which might help:

www.childcare.co.uk
www.gov.uk/find-registered-childminder

We had a CM for DD1. CM was wonderful. I did wonder about sending DD1 into work and me staying with the CM!

Visit as many as you can. Work out what you like/dont like.

While kids do have to come into contact with bugs they don't have to do so suddenly when they're still very young and their immune systems are immature. They come into more than enough bugs just being out and about. By the time they start preschool at 3 their immune systems are more mature and able to cope.

I know its normal for him to get sick my dhs argument is that he is too young to be getting so many illnesses .

anxious mother. I would be checking your council website, they do all the checks. Should also have a list of childminders.

My friend uses this site for occasional childminding/babysitting.

www.childcare.co.uk/

Your DS is wrong I stayed home, they still caught every bloody thing going.

Your local councils will have a list of registered childminders. They will have an OFSTED rating.

I'm not sure how a childminder would help though. They won't take sick children either and most attend a lot of playgroups where he's still going to be exposed to a lot of germs.

I had a similar issue when I went back to work after my second child. I asked work if I could take a 6 month sabbatical and they agreed (although if they hadn't I would just have resigned and found a new job later on) 6 months later, his immune system had matured and he was ill less often.

Your husband needs to spend more time with your DS when he's ill so that he gets to know his son and is better at looking after him and your son becomes more comfortable with him.

It’s then age they get illness they need to build up their immune system by becoming immune to things
Viral wheeze is common in this age as well

that he is too young to be getting so many illnesses
He probably is. Some DC immune systems are more fragile than others.
Most DC go through it, I feel shit with my 3.5yo with repeated viral infection the past 2 months it has definitely taken it out of him, it would really exhaust a 1yo.

he is too young to be getting so many illnesses

That doesn't make any sense! Does your DH not know that children have to develop and immune system by being exposed to illnesses?

Apologies for Tesco link but this is a good article on improving immune systems in children

www.tesco-baby.com/baby/baby-health/strengthening-your-babys-immunity/

DO NOT GIVE UP WORK!

SAHMs are incredibly vulnerable, and you will be more so because your husband doesn't see you as equal.

If HE is unhappy with nursery then HE needs to find a solution. One that doesn't involve you making yourself dependent on a dinosaur.

i have already used alot of my annual leave

How much annual leave has he used????

And no, I would not give up work.

Unless your son does have a an immune problem, this will pass OP. It is a shit time, as from being essentially cocooned he is now exposed to a much wider pool of illnesses as each of the other children have their own family germ pool to share.
This will also happen when he starts school, or if you change his childcare provider.
If he has a compromised immune system then consider keeping him at home, but before you know this I do feel you would be premature in giving up work. Again, this is completely normal (alas).

It is totally normal. DS (just turned 1) started nursery at the end of October. We actually had to delay his start date as he got bronchiolitis after his settling in days. Since then he's had chicken pox, conjunctivitis, hand, foot & mouth and an ear infection. So all that in 2.5 months. It's hard, we have no family locally so it means either DH or I taking time off work but I know that we just need to push through as it will improve.

DD was similar when she started although thankfully with her it was mostly just coughs and colds. It passed and now at 4 she's pretty robust and the most she seems to get is a cough or the occasional tummy bug.

I am not completely against being a stayed at home mum if that is better for my son . My argument is that this is premature and we should wait it out a bit .
It makes sence that i give up work instead of him as we would still live comfortably on his salary . The only problem is that my type of work is quite skilled . Staying out for even 2 years is not ideal as i wont be up to date with the latest. I doubt i will be able to find work easily and with the same money

Children under 2 are basically immunodeficient. Its not an advantage to expose under 2s to a huge onslaught of viruses and bacteria. Two other children at a childminder's and going out and about as normal provide more than enough for their immune system to develop!

Staying out for even 2 years is not ideal as i wont be up to date with the latest. I doubt i will be able to find work easily and with the same money*

Do. Not. Give. Up. Work.

anxiousmotherof1 your DH needs to do 50% of DS's sick days anyway.

Swap to a childminder til your DS is 3 or so. Less of an onslaught and less stressful at his age.

Perhaps both drop to 4 days per week and put DS with a childminder 3 days.

Agree it shouldn't be all on you to give up work unless you want to - it will impact on your pension as well as career prospects so you have to want to.

Very normal to catch every bug going in first six months of nursery. Don't panic.
If you want to go part-time and can, why don't you try that? Could be better for everyone. You keep your hand in and you have a less stressful life trying to juggle everything.
Really dont give up work though- that would be an over-reaction and leave you 100% dependent on your husband.

Given your latest update I would advise not giving up work. You will regret it hugely and end up worse if long term.
He needs to step up to his responsibility

This was us with nursery this time last year. My ds was constantly ill and had several antibiotic courses between September and March. Once winter passed it got better and this winter he's hardly been ill at all. It's honestly just for this winter, it's horrible seeing them ill all the time but once they get through it they will be absolutely fine. It's one of the problems of starting nursery at any point as they are exposed to lots of new germs they have no immunity to, unfortunately winter enhances it as there's more going round. If he wasn't going through it now he'd go through it when he started nursery later or when he started school. To be honest you're in the home stretch now as spring is round the corner so taking him out and quitting work would be pretty pointless. He will come out of this with a stronger immune system and in a few months this will just be a memory. It won't do him any harm!

FFS don't give up your job. Ask about going part-time if you must but don't give it up completely.

"It doesnt make sence for my hasband to go part time . Firstly i dont think they will accept it and he earns much more than me."

My DH earns much more than me and he still went down to 4 days week after my maternity leave. Money isn't everything and it was more important to us for DH to have 1 day a week with DS.

I'm also part-time (3 days) so DS is only in nursery 2 days a week, but he was still constantly ill for several months after he started (it was November time as well).

Anyway I think if your son is settled at nursery it would be a shame to move him but you could always look at childminders.

Kewcumber it does make sense - the body's ability to defend against antigens varies with age, and under 2s are inherently immunodeficient. 3 year olds are much better placed to face an onslaught, and more gradual exposure at a childminder or very small nursery/ nursery with a very small, well run baby room kept properly seperate from older children is better for babies.

Contact the council and/or put a post on Facebook. When I was looking for a minder there was a local childminding group here and one of them kept an up to date register of the CMs and what spaces they have. If your LO is under one and they have a baby of their own they do (or certainly used to) not be able to have more than one baby under one including their own.

If you’d be looking at CM to take them to preschool for after school care down the line it might also be worth seeing what schools they drop off and pick up from.

I am in Scotland so not sure how it operates elsewhere but here CMs are all regulated by the Care Inspectorate and you can see the reports on their website.

The CM should also have policies and procedures and you can ask to see references and criminal records checks for them and their partner.