When I Rule the World (lighthearted)

[wictional]

No driver who goes more than 10mph below the speed limit shall be allowed on the roads between 7-9am and 4-6pm (weather conditions permitted). Neither shall their car. AIBU?

Also, there will be one day a week where customer service staff will be allowed to say what they want rather than having to be polite about it. Like the purge, but with no murder. Hopefully.

Since I am a fair ruler, I will now hear requests from my subjects.

Cancel Brexit

@GoFiguire oh yeah, that was a given

Dogs will be permitted in the work place where staff are 1. Stressed and not listened to, and 2. Vastly underpaid.

All weight loss diets will be formulated to be cheese based.
You can go on a cheese and wine 'juicing cleanse'.

All hospital maternity wards will have a chair or a blowup bed where father of baby is allowed to stay overnight with new mother if she wants them to. Id rather put him through the traum of cleaning up my post birth blood and gore

Child benefit will be payable for putting up with a man-child. Not money, but monthly suppy of cheese, chocolate and a bottle of wine will do.

ALL SANITARY PROTECTION WOULD BE FREE.

Ill think of more soon

The space outside your house will LEGALLY be your reserve space parking space

Instead of a SHIT subsidised canteen, companies will have in built nursery service.

I will ban pyjamas and onesies for good.

And the phrase "simples"

And people who complain about traffic that they are part of

Oh yes, I love the man-child maintenance.

Mandatory 'school' holidays at Christmas for everyone, so I don't have to work Christmas Eve and Boxing Day again! To combat shops being closed, an Alexa run drone service to deliver all food and toiletries as required.

No organisation will be permitted to send emails out from an address that does not permit replies and/or has an overly complicated mechanism to respond to such messages.

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"Guest checkout" will be a mandatory option on online shopping sites, so people are not forced to create accounts to make a one-off purchase.

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All password setups will be the same format. And "minor" companies will not be allowed to insist on CIA-level encryption password requirements. I will also have as-yet-to-be-revealed 100% reliable ways to tackle any password fraud that may result

The space outside your house will LEGALLY be your reserve space parking space

All parking outside houses will have to be paid for, at a rate that ensures there are always some free spaces in any street, with profits from the charging being used to give a discount on council tax for any residents of the street.

Instead of military style national service, everyone must complete one year in the service industry/dealing with the general public. If we did I think most people would remember their manners to staff everywhere afterwards.

Opt out organ donation.

No Deal Brexit

.... runs away....

Stopping in doorways, at the top or bottom of stairs/escalators or standing where there is no room to get past will become punishable by cattle prod to bum.

One parent would be entitled to have all school holidays off, or this could be split so say parents could get 17 weeks off between them so they don't have to worry about holiday child care.

If you run a company/work in this country/deliver to this country you pay the proper tax - all tax avoidance schemes to be illegal - yes, I'm looking at you Amazon.

Properties bought in the UK, particularly by overseas investors, should be lived in or let, not left unoccupied as 'investment'.

Councils will be forced to renovate properties that they already own to be available for housing stock, rather than allowing developers to throw up ticky tacky boxes on Green Belt land.

Oh, and free designer handbags and champagne for all if required

Everyone (able) should be made to work their way up to a car driving licence by having to ride a bicycle on the roads first.

Form filling would be outlawed and officialdom would magically know what I mean and want and give it to me immediately.

Food would be turned on it's head and the more you eat the slimmer you get. Fags would be good for you and free (and smell lovely to passersby).

Everyone would be issued with a clone to do crap things so they can relax and watch Netflix.

Yes to ALL of these
Except no-deal Brexit. But since I am a fair ruler, Ariadne will be allowed to live on an island with few connections and bad trade as she wishes.

I've just thought of a couple more:

If we have snow, transport companies (particularly South Eastern Trains) should not be allowed to withdraw their service at the first sign, or abandon people on platforms with no provision of onward service or any assistance to get people to their destination. In particular, when faced with anxious passengers, staff SHOULD NOT be allowed to (a) disappear and hide or (b) say things like "well you've got no chance of getting there" or "good luck with that one then" (I was on the receiving end of both of those last winter).

And if the Powers that Be insist on having a full sporting programme, or the shops open on Boxing Day, public transport should run.

I like so many of these but particularly:

Child benefit will be payable for putting up with a man-child.

^^ So much this. And for any adult who needs to adult for more than themselves because adulting for one can be hard enough, adulting for a 2nd adult can be x5 - adulting for x3 feels like a tipping point at which the difference is stratospheric.

CallMeSirShotsFired why ban pyjamas? My husband would rather wear them than a nightdress and so would I.

We would prepare for a world of automation and less employment by extending education.

We would distribute a Citizen's Income to people in exchange for agreed activities that would encompass some of the huge amount of intellectual work that needs to be done. E.g., some of the citizen's science work; language analysis mark-up - there are so many people with under-used skills and talents who would like to use them but are diverted into under-employment etc. rather than leverage their abilities.

@wictional

Can’t take a joke some people!

When visiting the cinema or theatre - there would be a decent view of the stage from all the seats and obstructions would never happen. And, magically, there would always be sufficient leg room and nobody would ever need to get others to get up to reach their seats.