When I Rule the World (lighthearted)

[wictional]

No driver who goes more than 10mph below the speed limit shall be allowed on the roads between 7-9am and 4-6pm (weather conditions permitted). Neither shall their car. AIBU?

Also, there will be one day a week where customer service staff will be allowed to say what they want rather than having to be polite about it. Like the purge, but with no murder. Hopefully.

Since I am a fair ruler, I will now hear requests from my subjects.

People who say “would of”/“could of”/“should of” will be forced to write lines detailing their foolishness

We’ve found my successor

*Noisy sweet bags and noisy eaters be banned from all public areas such as cinemas, public transport

May I petition for a similar ban on people with blocked noses who sniff the entire time rather than wiping/occasional nose blowing with a tissue?

I also petition for the development of a cough-suppressing sweet/pastille for similar reasons/venues*

implements immediately!

Bold fail...

Grammar failures are welcomed on the island, we loves it we does. Too busy swinging in hammocks and smoking good for you fags to care.

erects screen around island ...

Continuing the customer service staff theme, Aldi and Lidl checkout staff will be completely empowered to make people read the signs tell customers to use the packing bench where they deem it necessary.

Anyone calling store management on them for doing this will be escorted off the premises.

And anyone who doesn't signal at a roundabout and is coming off at an exit before the one you are waiting at will have their car removed for a week (maybe a month) and they will have to stand on said roundabout wearing an apology sandwich board.

Just coming back to this to ban all lorries from the right-hand lane whyyyyyy

Remember when people were advised to plant thorny bushes as a security measure and now they trap windblown litter for all eternity and look a mess?

I'm slightly unsure of the science that would be involved but I would like to petition such that rubbish can't be impaled on thorny undergrowth that makes it a hazard to eyes and limbs to remove. That or it biodegrades very quickly.

I'd like the eyesore stopped, please.

All elected politicians would be fitted with some sort of device that detects bullshit. At the first whiff a screeching alarm would go off and an electric shock delivered. Also mp's expenses would no longer exist and would have to pay for everything out of their salaries just like the rest of us.

Carers and all healthcare staff would be high earners along with emergency service personnel.

All Internet game ads of the 'my mum vs my dad' variety would be banned.
American's will drop the incorrect phrase 'St Patty's day'.
Dairy milk bars returned to a decent size.
People learn how to spell correctly.

Pfft. Planes?

It will be compulsory for everywhere to be so lovely and interesting that you never need to travel more than an hour from your home.

(Jetlag may be getting to me a bit)

hannonle

Tbf “correctly” can be hard to spell sometimes