When I Rule the World (lighthearted)

[wictional]

No driver who goes more than 10mph below the speed limit shall be allowed on the roads between 7-9am and 4-6pm (weather conditions permitted). Neither shall their car. AIBU?

Also, there will be one day a week where customer service staff will be allowed to say what they want rather than having to be polite about it. Like the purge, but with no murder. Hopefully.

Since I am a fair ruler, I will now hear requests from my subjects.

Fruit would always be at the appropriate stage of ripeness and flavour at the moment you want to eat it.

Ban pyjamas

I'm with you on the onsies, but I love my pjs! (only for sleeping in though)

Any one over the age of 65 or under age of 10 would be banned from supermarkets at the weekend

Ha - just seen your post about PJs.

PJs.
PJs
PJs

Now, notthegreatest, everyone needs to eat!

Basic wardrobe staples would never fade or get holes in

Doc Marts will be the required footwear AND
Tomatoes will not exist

If you are retired you are prohibited from food shopping on weekends. Only people who work during the week and have exactly 60 minutes to do the full shop for their family on a weekend will be permitted in any supermarket during this time. Anyone wandering aimlessly down the center of the aisles with their basket of two jars of jam on a weekend will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

You will not be allowed to travel at rush hour unless you are going to work. Tourists with prams and large maps will be send to the stocks.

or getting told off by my mum.

Who will shoot you in the face by way of being told off.

All clothes in all shops will be exactly the same, standard sizes. But I suppose if we're all wearing Mao suits it won't matter ( or is that only on the Island? Confused!).

A ban on shitty , dumb TV: no Towie/ Love Island/ Jeremy Kyle/ Storage Wars ( seriously, have you seen this shit?)/ Naked Attraction/ 90 day Fiancee etc, etc, etc.

wild there are no clothes shops, Mao suits are issued. Day suits and night suits both of which are equally comfortable and like pyjamas. Bras are illegal. This is the island where we are pretty slack.

I'd have a law that of you see anyone using a selfie stick you have to club them with it.

I will ban pyjamas and onesies for good.

So what will we wear to Tesco's - or to bed?

I would elevate myself to minor nobility and implement a “new socks only” rule for said class. After socks have been worn once, they can be washed and distributed to the plebs who will adore me for my largesse. I would be lauded by the nobility as their deserving feet are only ever touched by brand new soft cotton and cashmere socks. They will feel like their feet are being wrapped in angels wings.

All roads and pavements to be in good condition , no potholes / puddles / drop kerbs on all corners .
Banish selfish drivers that park on / half on the pavements making it near impossible to get past.
My local take away to know exactly to know what I want and when by telepathy .
Clothes and pots that wash and put themselves away.
Printers that dont insist that there is something in the queue when you haven't used it for a week,
Some sort of warning system when batteries are going to go flat so you can buy more before the , remote , clock , radio , toy , etc have run out of juice .

steppemum

Netflix will update immediately with new series as they’re released

Gigs will cost half of what’s currently being charged even though I will of course be hiring my faves to do residencies in my castle

(To clarify, Islanders will be issued with lurid pink shell suits while they think about what they have done)

Other dog owners would have huge fines for allowing their stupid untrained lumps to annoy mine.

Chocolate and vodka would actually generate weight loss.

Every child would try to do their very best at school and nobody would ever be allowed to disrupt lessons.

On the island we wear Mao suits as comfortable as pyjamas and we don't wear bras. We don't care, we're islanders. And we won't think about what we've done because we don't want to.

sighs.

Must find bigger island...

Press1 i think it's best you are on the mainland where they have rules. Only me and Ariadne are islanders so far.

When I become ruler, the following shall be implemented:

1. Anyone who doesn't pick up their dogs' poo shall receive an injunction which will allow any animal or person to shit on their doorstep for an entire year.

1. People will receive hours and wages based on their ability to do the actual job. If I can do everything in 3 days, why must I pick up the slack for Brenda who spends an entire working week picking her nose and reading some stupid celeb mag?

1. On that note, pointless celebs can fuck off. You only deserve actual notiriety for valid contributions to society which don't fucking involve being a famous lawyers daughter with a big arse