DW told us her conception date.

[ImUpset]

I'm Male. I'm a member for a long-time as MNHQ will no doubt clarify if asked.

DW has been in my life for over 20 years, DSS is 22 and has been in my life since just before he was 2. DD is 19. Over Christmas (DSS not present as lives many miles away) DW told myself and DD her conception date for D(S)S was her birthday - a non-special date in the year (eg: DDs was my birthday over the Christmas period). Over our lives together this has never come to light, and I'm pretty upset as a result. Her ex was very violent and alcoholic during their relationship, no part of their sons' life since 18 months, and apart from a handful of months when DSS was 14 (during which he sought to split us up, acknowledged by social worker who ended contact after school expressed concerns) no contact.

DSS has been raised as my DS, and seen me as such from incredibly young age both in wordage and behaviour, mirroring his sisters' behaviour. Should note he was never encouraged in any way to do so.

So, am I being unreasonable in being upset? Or should DW have been more reserved after so long? Not sure how I'm going to, or supposed to, feel when her birthday rolls around each year.

Why does it actually matter knowing the date? You've been with her for twenty years, its not as though she's going to leave you for him. I think you're being really over sensitive

Did you think it was immaculate conception??

I really can't see the problem here

I don't understand why you're upset, or what the issue is. Surely basic maths would lead you to know it's around the date of her birthday and, while it's a non special date, if she knows that was one of the few dyas they DTD during that month, then it's likely to be the time she got pregnant.

Eh? Well it had to be one day out of the year, YABU.

Why does it matter that it was her birthday?

You're upset because your wife had sex on her birthday before she met you?

Don't be ridiculous. What would you feel as her birthday rolls round? You sound childish and indulged. It's probably best never to talk about sec with ex partners but if she's kept it under wraps for 20 years it's clearly a slip of the tongue so forget it.

Why does it upset you?

I dont understand the issue I'm afraid (but I do think it wa a weird thing to discuss anyway!)

YABU. If you never wanted to be aware that your wife had a sex life before you, you shouldn't have married someone who had a child!

WTF?
I'm confused about the violence/conception date/her birthday. What does it matter or how are they all linked in your head? And as for your wife being more reserved. What do you mean by that? That she shouldn't have told you?

Why is her birthday a “non special date” and why does this matter? I think I am missing something here as I genuinely don’t understand the issue.

No, I'm clearly aware it wasn't immaculate conception, also aware she had a sex life prior to me. I guess it's why she felt the need to share it now? I'd never even thought of dating it back!

You're upset that your poor wife who was in an abusive relationship prior to you had sex? Your DSS has been let down and used by his biological father. Your wife had to dance his tune when he decided to pop into your lives? You're the one that's upset?

What a huge over reaction

"Non special date" as non-Christmas, New Year, Easter etc etc. Not that her birthday isn't a special day.

What's the big deal? I don't understand why that's upsetting.

Tbh I though you were going to state dw had been unfaithful to you, when I read the title

What particular part upsets you?

This conception was a long time ago, dw was with someone else, not nice to her, dss was born 9 months after so you’ve known for a long time when about she was conceived

No, I'm clearly aware it wasn't immaculate conception, also aware she had a sex life prior to me. I guess it's why she felt the need to share it now? I'd never even thought of dating it back!

But what difference does it make? That's the part no one can understand.

It sounds like territorial jealous BS sorry to say.

Why is her birthday a non special date. It's special because it's her birthday surely?

Are all getting this right? You are upset because you have been told that your wife has sex and concieved on her birthday decades ago or is there something more? I can't see why this would do more than make you laugh a bit and forget it? People celebrate birthdays in lots of ways. Sexual intercourse has to be one of the more popular I imagine?

Sorry, I'm lost.

She got pregnant with her son on her birthday?

And she got pregnant with her daughter on your birthday? Or something?

And now her birthday is forever tainted or some such?

Sorry, I don't understand the significance.

This is a super strange thing to be upset about.

YABVU.

You are making an entire mountain range out of a molehill.

I don't understand. Are you upset because she remembers the exact date, and you therefore assume she holds the moment in her heart as special? Or are you upset because this was the first time your DD realised her brother has a different dad?

It’s an odd thing to come out with but I really don’t see why it matters. Quite frankly what I am most shocked by is that you can remember conception dates at all. I have to count back the months a take a guess.