Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DW told us her conception date.

210 replies

ImUpset · 02/01/2019 06:15

I'm Male. I'm a member for a long-time as MNHQ will no doubt clarify if asked.

DW has been in my life for over 20 years, DSS is 22 and has been in my life since just before he was 2. DD is 19. Over Christmas (DSS not present as lives many miles away) DW told myself and DD her conception date for D(S)S was her birthday - a non-special date in the year (eg: DDs was my birthday over the Christmas period). Over our lives together this has never come to light, and I'm pretty upset as a result. Her ex was very violent and alcoholic during their relationship, no part of their sons' life since 18 months, and apart from a handful of months when DSS was 14 (during which he sought to split us up, acknowledged by social worker who ended contact after school expressed concerns) no contact.

DSS has been raised as my DS, and seen me as such from incredibly young age both in wordage and behaviour, mirroring his sisters' behaviour. Should note he was never encouraged in any way to do so.

So, am I being unreasonable in being upset? Or should DW have been more reserved after so long? Not sure how I'm going to, or supposed to, feel when her birthday rolls around each year.

OP posts:
Spaghettijumper · 02/01/2019 07:13

What exactly are you upset about?

Tartsamazeballs · 02/01/2019 07:13

You need therapy

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 02/01/2019 07:13

Look I’m a man OP and sexual jealousy has slightly different root causes for women/men. Most women aren’t going to “get it”. I understand where you are coming from, but I think you need to put this emotional sting within it’s proper context. You decided to take this on, and you’ve had a pretty good life with your wife by the sounds of it. My advice is allow yourself to feel what you feel your never being unreasonable for feeling anything so allow yourself to feel them but you shouldn’t let it eat you up or act badly.

When her birthday rolls around remember she’s WITH you. She’s CHOSEN you. Any of the things she chose before you and that you chose before her led you to one another, and the life you lead now. Yes even the bad stuff. Personally I’d be grateful that you are with someone who evidently feels she can tell you anything. I’d be proud of that if I were you, and examine all that against the little “sting” this experience has given you. HTH!

Karwomannghia · 02/01/2019 07:16

How dare she mentioned she had sex on her birthday before you rode so galantly into her life. What next? That she enjoyed it?

NonaGrey · 02/01/2019 07:17

Had you decided in your head that her entire relationship was abject misery with no fun or happiness at any point? Because that’s not logical.

You wife was presumably making (a fairly commonplace) point to your daughter that for lots of people counting back 9 months from their birthday gives some entertaining results. My friends and I once did this and without exception all our birth dates (and sibling’s birth dates) were 9 months after a significant holiday/birthday/anniversary.

It’s generally considered a funny and lighthearted topic.

Spikeyball · 02/01/2019 07:18

You need to get over that jealousy.

bifflediffle · 02/01/2019 07:18

Woman has sex on her birthday. Hold the front page.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 02/01/2019 07:18

I am sorry that you are upset but I have no idea why!

DailyMailWankers · 02/01/2019 07:19

YABVU. You sound controlling. I hope for your DW sake she isn't following a pattern.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2019 07:20

Look I’m a man OP and sexual jealousy has slightly different root causes for women/men. Most women aren’t going to “get it”. I understand where you are coming from,

Oh, do enlighten us. I'm all ears (seriously).

It can't possibly be related to the paternity of the child in this case, since that is clearly established.

HeronLanyon · 02/01/2019 07:20

Is there a name for the moment a thread tips and the op really would find it difficult to return? In this case I fear that may have been reached.

Fearful op may not return ‘cos I would like to know what’s going on - can’t even begin to understand what op is feeling upset about.

flumpybear · 02/01/2019 07:21

Two things, firstly it was her birthday so suggests perhaps they didn't often have sex if she can pinpoint it like that

Secondly, a violent unpleasant man,could have actually been rape, birthday sex is better than perhaps him just violently attacking/ raking her one night

Move on, don't let this horrible man take your family away - bury him and enjoy your loved ones

StuffingSandwich · 02/01/2019 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rudgie47 · 02/01/2019 07:23

It gets worse on here, theres something wrong with you OP. Why shouldn't she have sex on her birthday?

lostelephant · 02/01/2019 07:24

So because you know she had sex with her ex on her birthday, you'll now feel different on that date every year?

OP, you do realise that they have probably had sex on most days of the year if they were together for a while, right? That means your birthday, Valentine's day, January 2nd, January 3rd etc. You need to get over it.

ladybirdsaredotty · 02/01/2019 07:24

What do you mean by the 'non-significant date' thing? Literally don't get that. Yes, in order to have a child, your wife would have had to have had sex with her ex at least once Confused

BarbaraofSevillle · 02/01/2019 07:25

^My friends and I once did this and without exception all our birth dates (and sibling’s birth dates) were 9 months after a significant holiday/birthday/anniversary.

It’s generally considered a funny and lighthearted topic^

Exactly. It's a standing joke in DPs family that he and his 2 siblings were all conceived on holiday. All their birthdays are within a week of each other.

I'm a Christmas baby, my sisters my DFs birthday, my brother a holiday baby.

explodingkitten · 02/01/2019 07:25

I seriously can't fathom what the problem is. Sorry OP. It might be a male thing but to me it's just weird that you would have a problem with this. To me it's like telling them what we had for dinner on our wedding day, just a piece of information to give a piece of insight that I was happy at the time. Which is a nice feeling to share with the child.

Karigan195 · 02/01/2019 07:26

Very strange to get upset about something that happened before you were together.

Deathraystare · 02/01/2019 07:28

You're upset because your wife had sex on her birthday before she met you?

That's what I thought!
Yeah. I would like sex on my birthday please, which is today!

Spikeyball · 02/01/2019 07:28

Why would you come on this forum to talk about this.

Xmastinseltown · 02/01/2019 07:28

Considering the OP felt the need to more or less state he is genuine, on his opening line, says to me two things.
A) He knows his conpletely whacko comments would make any one doubt him, and that's why he decided to let us know he's for real.
B) He isn't really 'for real'.

InspectorIkmen · 02/01/2019 07:30

When you read I’m a man at the start of a post you just know some patronising mansplaining bullshit is going to follow and AntiSocial didn't let us down in that regard.

TeeBee · 02/01/2019 07:32

Have you considered the reason she might remember the day she conceived? Could it be that they didn't have sex very often so she can pinpoint exactly when it was? That's the reason I know with both of my kids. YABU. She had sex before she was with you. You knew that. You need to get over it.

tryinganewname · 02/01/2019 07:32

Possibly the weirdest thing I've ever read on MN..

When I read the title I guessed that she revealed a date that you then realised you weren't with her that day.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.