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AIBU?

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Original poster

To reclaim an unwanted gift?

206 replies

PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:03

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 31/12/2018 17:06

If he doesn't want it and gave it to your dh, why didn't your dh bring it home. No point it sitting at mil's or giving it back to bil

EmUntitled · 31/12/2018 17:07

Give it to someone that wants it. Don't buy her a replacement. What a rude thing to do, returning a present like that! What does that teach their daughter about being considerate and graciously accepting gifts. They could have regifted, sold or donated the gift. Not asked for a refund!

Lollyice · 31/12/2018 17:07

If BIL returned it, I would definitely take it home. I think they might expect a different gift though.

EnglishRose13 · 31/12/2018 17:08

I'd take it back but I wouldn't replace it.

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:10

DH didn’t bring it home because he was a bit taken aback. (We would usually just say thank you and put an unwanted gift in our present drawer.) He then realised he was not going to be able to change it as it was bought in advance and left it behind for MIL to return to them.

Does returning it look passive aggressive?

OP posts:
JohnCRaven · 31/12/2018 17:10

I'd regift it to someone who appreciates it. She's got a top anyway so it's not like she's been left with nothing.

IrmaFayLear · 31/12/2018 17:10

Some people!

I remember giving dn a nice mini suitcase one year, and upon opening it she said, "I've got this," and threw it aside. I was Shock as I have trained my dcs to do the rictus grin and say "Lovely!" at whatever they get, but I was even more Shock when bil said, "Yes, she's got one of those. Can you take it back and get something else?" No.

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2018 17:11

I'm not sure what your asking.

The request is clear, can you exchange it for something rhe child does like, which is much better than an unwanted gift. So exchange it? Why did your husband just leave it there?

Are you suggesting you don't exchange it, just take it?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/12/2018 17:12

Why’s it non refundable?
I would send a message saying “sorry she didn’t like the Lego, unfortunately we aren’t able to exchange it. Let us know if you want the set back”

RedHelenB · 31/12/2018 17:13

Surely a gift is meant to give the recipient pleasure so if they've already got one whybrid wouldn't you exchange it for them?

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:13

There is no possibility of exchange.

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 31/12/2018 17:14

I don’t think it was rude, surely it’s better to return it and ask for something she would like rather than it be unused or charity shopped. I would see if the shop you got it from would let you swap it for something else.

dementedpixie · 31/12/2018 17:15

Don't give it back. Regift to someone else

IrmaFayLear · 31/12/2018 17:15

Presumably OP can't exchange it as it was bought a while ago or in sales (or indeed a regift itself!).

Fgs, it is rude to say you don't like a present. You just accept it and send it to charity shop or give it to someone else for their birthday.

I am getting more and more fed up with modern world and the complete grabbiness and lack of manners.

BlancheM · 31/12/2018 17:15

Are there really such ungracious people about?! I'd take it back and save it for another occasion to give to someone else. Definitely don't get anything instead...the cheeky git.

thefinn · 31/12/2018 17:15

That sounds honestly so rude! "Doesn't like Lego friends". Assuming she liked the top, there's her gift and if you know someone who would like it, yes I would ask it back from MIL.

dementedpixie · 31/12/2018 17:16

Of course it's rude, you don't give presents back and ask for something better. Just take it back. Give her £5 instead

Whataboutbobbo · 31/12/2018 17:17

Keep the present for yourself or put it in the present t draw ready to re gift to someone else. Do not buy an alternative gift.

E20mom · 31/12/2018 17:17

What @OnlyFoolsnMothers said.

WhatsUpHun · 31/12/2018 17:18

bloody hell how rude!!

do not give anything else

OohBabyBabeh · 31/12/2018 17:19

Rude. I can't count the amount of gifts I've had in my life that wound up in the bin, but I wouldn't dare tell the gift giver I didn't like it! Nor would I ask them to change it for something else!

Stefoscope · 31/12/2018 17:20

I'm guessing it's out of the timeframe for you to return it? If so I would explain this to BIL and see whether he wants to hang on to it. Leave it at MIL's for him to pick up if he wants it (assuming MIL doesn't mind). I think it's rude though, especially since your DN got another gift.

Nodancingshoes · 31/12/2018 17:20

I've had this. I bought my friends toddler some beautiful wooden toys some time before Christmas. She messaged me after Xmas saying 'thanks for the presents but he already has those toys - can you change them for something else?' I was like Shock I think it was incredibly rude

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:21

The Lego was bought for DN in Sainsbury’s in October. I don’t have the receipt and I wouldn’t expect the shop to exchange it at this stage .

Just checked my messages and i’d Let them know I had Christmas presents to drop off at the end of November. I suppose they might think I had a long dated receipt.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/12/2018 17:22

To be clear I 100% agree it’s rude to return a gift- hence I would let them know you can’t exchange or return it so either they can take it back or you’ll give it to charity