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Original poster

To reclaim an unwanted gift?

206 replies

PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:03

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

OP posts:
PegLegAntoine · 31/12/2018 18:05

Ugh how rude. I’d keep it and pass to someone else. If they are brazen enough to ask, just say oh well never mind she’s still got her top.

I hate Lego friends as does DD, she doesn’t like the fact it’s “for girls” and the people are weird not proper Lego people. She would still gratefully accept it as a present and build it, and any of the weird figures would gradually get “lost” and the rest of the Lego kept as, well, Lego.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 31/12/2018 18:05

We got given a duplicate gift this year, we thanked them even though we already have an identical one at home (it's not something you can make use of two of). We will attempt to exchange it somewhere. There is no way we would have said anything other than 'thank you very much'.

Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 31/12/2018 18:06

Take the gift back. Regift. Do not offer or mention a replacement. If BIL or SIL suggest one, be vague and do not commit to getting one. See how long they wait before CFery engages.

Someone, possibly all three of them, needs to learn their manners.

DarlingNikita · 31/12/2018 18:07

How rude. Save it to give to someone else. And no, don’t get her something else instead.

cabingirl · 31/12/2018 18:09

Give the Lego to your goddaughter.

$10 book token to niece.

Consolidateyourloins · 31/12/2018 18:09

The parents are very nice but last year they saw my DS on the day before his birthday and didn’t even have a card for him

So they didn't give your DS a birthday present but have the cheek to ask you to change their DD's Xmas present?! Shock

Definitely get it back, give it to godD and never give these entitled twats a present again. Just tell them you don't want to do presents anymore. They have given you a perfect out as you can act hurt over the return of the gift.

Consolidateyourloins · 31/12/2018 18:10

What did they get for DS for Christmas?

thefinn · 31/12/2018 18:10

Was it really worded like that? It's just so rude that it would be the end of me wanting to exchange it, possible or not. Exactly like someone said, treated like a shop.

DishingOutDone · 31/12/2018 18:11

My MiL used to receive the items we got her at Christmas with complete incredulity, wait 3 weeks and then say "I think you'd better have this back now" whilst proffering the gift at arms length between thumb and forefinger. These offensive items included such corkers as a biscuit tin, a reading lamp and a collection stories from Women's Hour. She was in her 70s and liked reading with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Although obviously not books that we'd bought with our lamp shining on them, and certainly not with any biscuits we'd been near.

DishingOutDone · 31/12/2018 18:14

Seriously though, if they'd said "oh this is really awkward I hope you don't mind but can this item still be exchanged" - well even then it would be touch and go rude, but that's not the way it was said by sounds of it. More like " get rid of this and spend £20 on something she really wants". I think a previous poster was spot on when they asked what the OP would do if any replacement gift was also found to be unacceptable!

CoughLaughFart · 31/12/2018 18:15

Why did you give the child a gift? To make her happy, or for gratitude from the parents?

There’s nothing inherently wrong with asking if a gift is exchangeable. I usually give people the receipt just in case. It’s not their fault you bought so far in advance.

Last year I bought a dress for my niece from a children’s wear shop I know my sister likes. At the birthday party, my niece unwrapped the same dress from someone else before she got to my present. I groaned inwardly - but not as much as when my sister hissed to me, ‘Oh dear - X has already bought her that dress’ and I knew there was a third still to unwrap. We just had a laugh about it afterwards; it would have been ridiculous to get offended about her not keeping all three.

Either you say it’s non-exchangeable and tough luck, or you give them something else in return. Don’t make a massive issue out of it for no reason.

Silkei · 31/12/2018 18:16

They’ve been incredibly rude. You don’t want to set a precedent of letting them hand back gifts for you to exchange. I wouldn’t give DN the opportunity to have it back after she’s been so rude. Teach them a lesson - take the gift away and don’t mention it again. If they ask just say you regifted it as it was unwanted.

OnlyaMan · 31/12/2018 18:16

If I read the original post correctly, the BIL asked for the giver to exchange the gift. Not a very polite thing to do, but not the same as surrendering it.
It would be reasonable for the OP to say that she can't exchange it (for whatever reason). BIL will have to do the exchanging himself, or re-gift it, or give to Charity or whatever.
If the OP retains this gift, I foresee a family rift.

FuckingYuleLog · 31/12/2018 18:23

But this wasn’t even a duplicate. They just thought their child would like something else better! I agree with pp that returning it will just open the gate for the rest of them giving stuff back in the hope of a better offer.
Even when we’ve had duplicates in the past my kids just say thank you - they know they can offer it to a friend later. You don’t turn someone buying you a gift into a chore for them!

Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 31/12/2018 18:24

CoughLaughFart The scenario with your niece’s dress is a bit different, not a matter of don’t like but already have. In your case it would make sense to exchange if you still could.

The OP’s situation is that her DH has been told a gift is not up to snuff. That’s very rude. She doesn’t need to make a fuss about it, she can just take the gift and give it where it would be more welcome. Next year spend less.

InSightMars · 31/12/2018 18:24

I'd say wishlists and gift receipts are the only way to go to avoid this. Yes, it's rude for children to express ingratitude for a gift but honestly wouldn't you rather the recipient have something they actually love than waste your money on stuff they don't? Now at least you know the little girl doesn't like lego so you're not likely to buy it for her again whereas if she and her parents expressed fake delight you might be buying her more next year.

I always get a gift receipt for family dc so duplicates, non-fitting and unwanted items can be returned and exchanged for something else by their parents. I honestly don't care what they do with the stuff once I've given it to them.

teainthemorning · 31/12/2018 18:28

present has been returned as they dont like it

Newjobnewstart Which rude, entitled bastards actually do this ?

FFS don't give in to their stupidity. Keep it for yourself or give it to the charity shop.

CoughLaughFart · 31/12/2018 18:36

The OP’s situation is that her DH has been told a gift is not up to snuff. That’s very rude. She doesn’t need to make a fuss about it, she can just take the gift and give it where it would be more welcome.

But they didn’t say ‘This isn’t good enough’ or ‘You haven’t spent enough’. They asked if an exchange was possible. I do get it might not seem like the most polite approach, but if I could be sure I’d given a child something they liked, I’d rather know that than feel I’d be treated politely, but that the present had gone to the tombola.

FuckingYuleLog · 31/12/2018 18:39

But surely the idea of buying gifts is to get stuff that is a surprise that you wouldn’t necessarily buy yourself. Otherwise just knock it on the head and each buy yourself something.

FuckingYuleLog · 31/12/2018 18:40

And they said that their dd didn’t like the gift which is pretty darn close to ‘this isn’t good enough’ imo.

Touchmybum · 31/12/2018 18:46

I'd tell them that you weren't able to exchange it but you have donated it to X charity shop in their name.

And then suggest a 'no present' deal from now to avoid the situation arising again (that's if they bought your DS a present?)

CoughLaughFart · 31/12/2018 18:47

And they said that their dd didn’t like the gift which is pretty darn close to ‘this isn’t good enough’ imo.

To be fair, I also would have avoided phrasing it like that. I’d have probably claimed it was a duplicate.

Ikabod · 31/12/2018 18:47

Regift the Lego but don't buy her something else. Next year get her a gift voucher for Waterstones or something.

Handprints2018 · 31/12/2018 18:59

Regift but nothing more to dn. What did they get your ds given they ignored his birthday?

thebaronetofcockburn · 31/12/2018 19:13

Don't ask them for a list because CFers will give you a list with all this ridiculously expensive stuff on it or ask for money and then take umbridge if you don't stick to it.

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