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AIBU?

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Original poster

To reclaim an unwanted gift?

206 replies

PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:03

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

OP posts:
SimplyPut · 31/12/2018 17:22

Sainsbury's will exchange it no problem.

Grace212 · 31/12/2018 17:24

I would take the lego from them and gift it to someone who will appreciate it, but don't get a replacement gift. and tell them the truth. it's rude to ask for an exchange.

if they said "she won't like this so you might as well gift it to someone else" at least that would be a bit less rude...I think....

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:25

Simply, how will Sainsbury’s know I got it from them? I could return it, I suppose.

I’m not in the mood to put myself out for this though! And my goddaughter would love it.

OP posts:
riceuten · 31/12/2018 17:27

Ah, the whiff of entitlement...

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:30

I feel that DN is entitled to a present but that it has got a bit weird with this SIL and BIL in particular. I wonder if they are trying to make a point - I didn’t ask them in advance what their DC wanted. (I’m busy! I was in the supermarket and it looked appropriate!)

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 31/12/2018 17:31

Just give it to your goddaughter then. Saves you traipsing back to a supermarket that may not refund you anyway

BettyDuMonde · 31/12/2018 17:31

Good present for a generic kiddie party situation.

Keep it and don’t replace. Just say it’s not returnable.

Savvy/polite parents would’ve kept it to regift themselves...

Inkspellme · 31/12/2018 17:32

I’d give it to your god daughter and say nothing at all to BIL until and unless he raises the topic. Then I would casually say “oh, we passed the LEGO on as a re-gift. The child who got it seemed delighted with it”.

Then I’d change the subject and let them make of it what they want.

dementedpixie · 31/12/2018 17:33

If you want to give something simple then a £5 and a bag of sweets is easy to do

IrmaFayLear · 31/12/2018 17:34

Don't put yourself out, OP. You don't want to start a thing whereby sil says, "I don't like this Bayliss & Harding gift set" or bil "Can you take back these socks?"

You don't have to respond to people's demands at Christmas for particular gifts. And you gave the dn a top; she has forfeited the additional present by saying it's unwanted.

Bertiebitch32 · 31/12/2018 17:35

I would simply take the Lego back and in return dn a £10 . If they don't like it tough

DreamsofJacaranda · 31/12/2018 17:35

That is incredibly rude of BIL.

GIve the Lego to a child who will appreciate it, and do not give a replacement gift to DN.

SirGawain · 31/12/2018 17:36

I think they might expect a different gift though.
Let them expect what they like, but don't replace the gift. They are being rude in the extreme. CFs.

LadyinLavende · 31/12/2018 17:37

Our kids were taught at an early age that no matter what if they were given a present they were to smile and politely thank the giver.... and we would sort it - generally by. getting them something else and putting the duplicate / unsuitable gift in the "present re-cycling drawer", but to ask the giver to take someting back is incredibly rude...... Depending on how much I was prepared to annoy her parents I would either not replace the unwanted gift or just give her a fiver as someone else suggested. She still has the top, after all.

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:37

I know it is a bit petty but I really don’t want to give something else.

The parents are very nice but last year they saw my DS on the day before his birthday and didn’t even have a card for him.

I think we are on the list of People Who Give Decent Presents and are put out that our present wasn’t decent enough.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 31/12/2018 17:37

Take it back and don’t give anything else. She had two presents from you and decided she didn’t want one. That doesn’t mean she gets another present. It means she has rude parents who are bribing her up to be equally rude.

LIZS · 31/12/2018 17:37

Presumably dn still has the top. Maybe they thought 2 gifts was excessive.

thebaronetofcockburn · 31/12/2018 17:37

Give it to someone else. No replacement gift. Next year state that you 'scaling back Xmas as wanting to focus more on the season of Yule and are no longer exchanging gifts'. Job done.

PattiStanger · 31/12/2018 17:38

You've been extremely generous to a 6 year old imo.

Get the Lego back and as others have said it's worth seeing if Sainsburys will exchange it, you won't know if you don't ask. In future I'd spend about a fiver.

I do think though that you might be assuming other people think like you do, if someone told me they'd bought a present I wouldn't give any thought to a possible future return, not that the situation you describe would happen with my DC.

purpleelk · 31/12/2018 17:41

They’ve got a pretty strict 30 day returns policy on their toy sale, so if someone has successfully returned anything in January, please let me know? I’ve been told “sorry” in past when I remembered in early Dec.

TokyoSushi · 31/12/2018 17:42

Jeez! Surely as the recipient you just say thank you, and that's the end of it. If you want to change it the onus is on you, the recipient. In extreme circumstances then you might ask for the receipt to facilitate the exchange, but the poor giver has already got something for you once, they're absolutely not the person who then has to go and look for something else, that might appeal to you, a second time!

It's obvious, no?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 31/12/2018 17:42

Reclaim the gift and send the child a book on manners (Sandi Toksvig wrote one which I think is suitable for children). The parents obviously aren't going to teach her anything at all about politeness.

Or if you don't feel up to creating a row, just give nothing. Preferably ever again. Parents so rude and entitled will only learn better manners by there being a consequence for their rudeness.

DillyDilly · 31/12/2018 17:42

Don’t change it, it’s part and parcel of gifting, you get some great gifts, some not so great and some that you have no use for. You can’t return a gift to someone purely because you don’t like it.

ChloMaloe · 31/12/2018 17:42

I'd give the toy to a child that actually appreciates the gift, and I certainly wouldn't be getting anything else instead for your niece! Can't believe how cheeky some people are.

TokyoSushi · 31/12/2018 17:43

** I do know that the OP is the giver, I'm just Shock on their behalf!