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AIBU?

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Original poster

To reclaim an unwanted gift?

206 replies

PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:03

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

OP posts:
bellabasset · 31/12/2018 19:18

I always get gift receipts for children's presents in case they aren't suitable or they already have one.

On Friday I posted off a birthday present for Wednesday so there is a parcel to open, it arrived today. Again there are gift receipts.

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 19:20

I have the Lego! Collected it from MIL’s. I will see if Sainsbury’s will take it back.

DH is a bit uncomfortable about the situation and also a bit confused. As other people have said, DH knows their other DC like Lego - it’s Lego - just use the bricks!

Am Shock at some of the CF stories.

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 31/12/2018 19:22

Yes what did they get your ds? I’m sure there’s stuff he’d like better too so presumably they’d be fine with swapping his gift?

WellBHoise · 31/12/2018 19:24

Well done. Give it to someone who you know will like it and no more gifts to replace it.

JenFromTheGlen · 31/12/2018 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 19:42

DS got a top and book. There might have been tops or books he would have preferred but he didn’t mention it (why would he?) and he was happy with the ones he got and has already worn/read them.

I don’t want to get into a big emotional skirmish. Equally, we always choose quite nice presents and I want to be free to do that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/12/2018 22:15

And once again we see why so many people have dysfunctional family relationships and no friends, because apparently for many it's rude for a sibling to say can you exchange my child's gift, apparently it's much better to lie and have an unused gift or give it to charity.

And it's a ok to say fuck uou, I don't feel like even trying.

The gift of Xmas, eh op? If they didn't do right by yours then fuck your niece?

Nice.

RB68 · 31/12/2018 22:17

Take it back and forgt about replacing anything else and just send a voucher next year

Homemadearmy · 31/12/2018 23:46

@bluntness100, it seems that we are the only ones that think it’s not a big deal. It’s not like the 6 year threw a tantrum, her father asked his brother if a £20 toy could be changed for something she would like. I really can’t see the point of pretending she would like it. The likelihood is that she would continue to receive for birthdays and Christmas if she had. Really everyone would rather it was binned or charity shopped instead. Surely that’s more of a waste. I would be disappointed if family members did that instead of asking for it to be changed

freshfoodpeople · 01/01/2019 11:23

I wouldn't replace the gift.

Niece and her father are incredibly rude.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/01/2019 11:25

Is it because it’s Lego friends that she doesn’t like it. Are you sure they didn’t mean could you exchange for normal
Lego?

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 01/01/2019 11:33

I think it is Lego Friends that is the problem.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 01/01/2019 11:38

Which is silly , because as you say it’s just bricks, if she didn’t want to make the set then they could have been easily added to the household Lego.

Original poster
PersonaNonGarter · 01/01/2019 11:45

Yes. DH is now feeling like we should just replace it. I think I will lose this one - but it is noted.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 01/01/2019 11:47

Take it to Sainsburys and say you lost the receipt, and you might get a credit note/gift card which you can use to buy food. Hopefully it still looks brand new, and not slightly bashed from all this to-ing and fro-ing Grin. If you feel obliged to replace the present then get her a book, like they did for your son.

MummytoCSJH · 01/01/2019 11:47

Don't give them anything back! What will it be next year? Can you exchange all of our gifts because none of us like them Confused if you don't like a gift you accept it and regift it or give it to charity. You don't TELL the giver they need to change it because you don't like it!!

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 01/01/2019 11:53

I'd take the gift back from your MiL, regift it (or, failing that, eBay it), and not bother again. Rejecting gifts for no other reason than you don't like them is nothing other than bad manners.

LongWalkShortPlank · 01/01/2019 11:55

I wouldn't swap it for something else. You're setting a precedent that they can do this every Christmas and birthday and they clearly think you're push overs who will cater to them in that way. Send them a message saying that you can't return the gift as it was purchased well in advance but if they want it they can come and pick it back up. The message this sends to their kids and your kids isn't one you want to teach them.

wassock · 01/01/2019 11:55

Your DH is being a bit wet here really...why does he feel the need to replace the gift when they have been so incredibly crass? Is he always so weak? This would drive me mad! He needs to step up and call them out on their rudeness (or at the very least, not enable it!!)

I just couldn't be with someone this weak 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

MrsSchadenfreude · 01/01/2019 11:57

Replace it with a toy drum or recorder. Grin Lego Friends will look very appealing after a day of noise.

EmpressJewel · 01/01/2019 11:59

I'd exchange it. I'd much rather my hard earned money go on something that someone wants, rather than it being wasted on an unwanted gift that ends up going unused.

If you can't have an honest conversation like this with your nearest and dearest, then who can you? (Wouldn't ask anyone else to exchange).

redcarbluecar · 01/01/2019 12:04

Totally with the PP who are saying just keep it, regift it (or give to charity) and don’t replace it. I also wouldn’t raise the subject with them again. If they do so, just say the gift wasn’t returnable and leave it there.

yesmelord · 01/01/2019 12:06

They purchased your daughter a top and a book,

If it was me I would just give them a nice book for your niece as you already got a top for her.

I think it's very rude to give a gift back in such a manner, any duplicate/unwanted gifts get sent to the charity shop in our family but at the time of opening them we always appear grateful.

Lemoneeza · 01/01/2019 12:10

When your dh says "we" should replace it, does he mean you should go to Sainsburys and sort it out?
If he feels so strongly I would let him take ownership of the issue.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 01/01/2019 12:12

How rude are they!

You don’t need to give them anything else, just take the gift back and keep until you need a gift for someone else. Or donate it to your local shelter.