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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reclaim an unwanted gift?

206 replies

PersonaNonGarter · 31/12/2018 17:03

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 01/01/2019 12:13

My dds got a duplicate present because dp ended up suggesting the same thing to two of his siblings Hmm
I didn’t expect them to exchange them we just accepted it and will sort it out ourselves, even if we can’t exchange.
As an aside my youngest is being referred for assessment due to her fear of ‘lying’ and was really distressed at Christmas because she received gifts she wasn’t keen on and was worried that she would be asked by family if she liked them and having to lie! I have been trying explain the concept of white lies to spare people’s feelings Confused smiling and saying thank you doesn’t have to mean saying you like something. But then as someone else said, would this mean you carried on buying her Lego friends each time not realising she doesn’t like them? Still think up to them to try and exchange or regift though.

Drum2018 · 01/01/2019 12:13

I'd let your Dh deal with it so - if he wants to return/exchange it let him go to Sainsbury's. I certainly wouldn't be going. Personally I'd keep it for your godchild and wait until your bil asks for replacement gift until telling him the gift was passed on to someone who appreciated it.

M3lon · 01/01/2019 12:13

normally Id be on the YANBU side...but lego friends really is the pits.

You an't even really reuse the bricks as its all preformed shit (you know so the poor incapable girls don't have to strain their lady brains with the building and can crack right on with the beauty salon role playing ).

In the future try not to buy horrifically gender stereotype reinforcing crap unless its specifically requested by a child...

M3lon · 01/01/2019 12:14

'can't'

Verbena37 · 01/01/2019 12:15

I’m shocked you spent £38 on a 6 Yr old!
Obviously it to you but I’d just leave the £18 top and regift Lego for one of your children’s friend’s birthday.

We stick to roughly £10 per niece/nephew...or less if we see something they’ll like that happens to be cheaper.

The polite thing by your BIL would be to not have said anything and regifted it themself.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 01/01/2019 12:16

Seriously this is going to set you up for big big problems. Don’t pander to it, and tell your DH not to be such a pushover. You don’t enable and encourage people’s rudeness and cheeky fuckery by playing into it!

FuckingYuleLog · 01/01/2019 12:17

Not a huge fan of Lego Friends myself but even if the op had bought a pink fluffy princess dress it would still have been rude af to give it back! I bet one of her friends likes Lego Friends - give it to them!

M3lon · 01/01/2019 12:24

I could barely face parting with money on lego friends even when it was my daughter buying it for her best friend who had specifically said she was desperate to collect the character she was missing.

Just awful. But yes a fluffy pink dress would indeed be worse....or maybe one of those T-shirts with 'too pretty to do maths' written on it?

I do think in general you should be polite and not reject gifts...but some things are so morally repugnant, I'd forgive people for taking a stand!

cuppycakey · 01/01/2019 12:27

I am aghast at the posters who think this is an acceptable response to a gift Shock

Incredibly rude. If the child/parent doesn't like it they can regift it themselves or just shut the fuck up.

grumiosmum · 01/01/2019 12:27

Spectacularly rude of your BIL's family.

The correct response would be to take back the Lego yourselves and either regift it someone else who will appreciate it, sell it, or donate it to a charity shop.

But do not buy a replacement gift for your niece either.

KC225 · 01/01/2019 12:31

Lot of hatred for a 6 year old - although probably more so for the Dad. Maybe the OP's BIL misinterpreted their relationship. I wouldn't mind exchanging something as I think I would like a child to enjoy the gift and would certainly to it for family. I exchanged a Lego last year for my daughter as it was a duplicate. Its no big deal.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 01/01/2019 12:32

For the lòve of god don’t set the precedent of a list! You’ll have nothing but cheeky fuckery for years to come.

Just no.

EdtheBear · 01/01/2019 12:33

Oh man, no wonder so many brand new things end up in Charity shops after Christmas with these kind of be grateful say its lovely attitudes.

My side will generally hand things over with a gift receipt and a comment if it doesn't suit exchange it. They'd much rather a gift was loved and money well spent than taken straight to charity shop.

Other side never offer to exchange/ return / gift receipt. So much waste and I'm left looking at stuff thinking what a waste of money. We have 2 copies of the same game a character duvet for a cartoon DC doesn't watch and duplicate toys.

Gift / wish lists sort of gets round it.
My ILs were also guilty of buying house stuff to be displayed, not to my taste but politeness meant I had to display.
The only way it stopped was buy them stuff to be displayed - to my taste!

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 01/01/2019 12:33

The child is not to blame! The parents are CFs though - rude and entitled, with no sense of good manners.

codswallopandbalderdash · 01/01/2019 12:36

Dear Gods this is awfully cheeky behaviour from the recipients. My DS age 5 got a lego kit from a friend that he already has - DS said 'why didn't santa know I already had this?'. We said Santa sometimes gets confused, he's very busy. Why don't you take it to Grandma's to play with there. There is no sodding way I would be rude and ungrateful by asking said friend to exchange it or buy something else

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 01/01/2019 12:37

Given that it's non returnable (so assume you can't even get a gift voucher in return), I'd find a way of getting it to a women's refuge or similar, and write a note to the spoilt brat who rejected it saying 'sorry you didn't like our present. There are some children who don't get anything for Christmas d so we're passing it in to them'

JustJoinedRightNow · 01/01/2019 12:46

How very rude of them OP.

I gave my friend’s DD a doll (a themed one that she loved, think Frozen/Disney themed) and it turned out she already had one.

Friend then made a big deal out of texting me to ask for the receipt, I said ah ok I’ll try to find it, then she texted me every day asking if I had found it. After the 5th day, I had indeed found it but was so annoyed by that stage I threw it out and told her I hadn’t been able to find it (really mature, I know)

The thing about it all was, she never actually said thank you for the gift. Just “she’s got this already, have you got the receipt hun?”

So rude.

KurriKurri · 01/01/2019 12:48

You got her two things - no need to replace the present, Give the lego to your Goddaughter and email BIL 'sorry DD didn't want the lego, I'm glad the top was fine though. Too late for a refund so am regifting the lego to my goddaughter who will love it. Happy new Year. you rude wotsit '

Seaweed42 · 01/01/2019 12:49

My DHs Aunt regularly bought expensive and unwanted gifts for my children. We were too polite to say anything so just kept the gift, it was a lose-lose situation every single year.
I wouldn't have bought Lego for a girl unless I specifically knew she liked Lego. Not for £20.

halcyondays · 01/01/2019 12:49

It's rude of the parents but hardly the child's fault if they didn't like it.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 01/01/2019 12:53

what I don't get is what I'm seeing in this thread that children only need to accept gifts that they want. As a child I'd have been grateful for anything. Seems times have changed

daisypond · 01/01/2019 13:00

Part of the joy of presents as a young child is getting things that are new experiences/toys for you, not things that you already know you like. That would be very limiting. You may end up really liking them, you may not, but that's part of it.

FuckingYuleLog · 01/01/2019 13:04

Totally agree it’s not the child’s fault. If the bil had to take the ops dh aside after it seems the child has better manners than the parents and didn’t say anything.
Kids do need teaching manners though and to be told that you say thank you for a present even if you don’t really like it or you already have it - a charity shop/friend can always benefit from anything spare. For one of my dc this came quite easily but for my dc with asd it took a bit longer. He didn’t really used to understand the concept of the ‘white lie’. Even he’s got it down now though so I’ve got no sympathy for adults who just choose to be rude.

OlennasWimple · 01/01/2019 13:14

If you accept the present back, it sets the precedent that unwanted presents can be given back. Decide if you are OK with that

FWIW I would swap it, because if DD really won't use it, it's a waste for her to keep it and I would prefer my niece to have a present that she likes. The way that they went about it seems incredibly crass, however

llangennith · 01/01/2019 13:24

Your BIL's action was incredibly rude. You don't return gifts because your child doesn't like it. Is he raising his DD that if she gets given something that's not to her liking she can say 'take it back and bring me something I like'?
Leave it at MIL's. It was given to your DN, it now belongs to her. Not your problem. Don't buy her anything else and next birthday or Christmas send her a £10 Amazon voucher.