To reclaim an unwanted gift?

[PersonaNonGarter]

For Christmas, we gave DH’s 6yo niece a Lego Friends set (£20) and a nice top (£18). Both bought in advance, non-returnable.

At a family lunch at MIL’s today, BIL returned the Lego set to DH saying DN doesn’t like it and ‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’. DH was a bit confused —had forgotten what he’d given— but mumbled something about getting back to BIL. BIL left. The Lego is at MIL’s.

Can we take the Lego back? It’s non-returnable and I’ll give it to someone who wants it. DH thinks we should leave it at MIL’s or send it back to BIL. Who is right?

I would get the Lego back to pass on to someone else and not bother with another present. If BiL asks about it just say you couldn’t return it as no receipt, but never mind, you’ve handed it on someone who will use it so it hasn’t gone to waste.

You've been very generous, I think. The niece still has the top as a present. No need to give something else instead of the Lego. If they don't want it, take it back and see if you can get your money back or give it to your goddaughter.

Take it back and give it to someone who will appreciate it. Then get your DH to message BIL and say that you’ve said you can’t exchange the Lego as it was bought too long ago so you’ve passed it on to x or donated to the charity shop or whatever. I doubt he’d have the brass neck to insist you buy something else! Set a precedent for the future - have what you’re given or go without.
I’d probably ask for ideas next time though just to save on waste. They were very rude to give a gift back though. They could have kept it to give at a birthday party or donated it themselves.
Did they even give you any clue as to what to exchange it for? You’ll only risk having it returned again if it’s not to her liking! Nip it in the bud now I say.

They probably would exchange tbh.
But it's not the point, you don't say you don't like it. Just sell it on gumtree or play with it or regift at a party.

I don't see why you should go to the effort of trying to exchange or buying something else. You've already been generous, £40 is a decent amount of money to spend on a 6 year old, especially if they didn't bother with a card for you DS's birthday. Just stick a fiver in a Christmas card next year!

Im in the same position present has been returned as they dont like it. Not sure what im supposed to do give money in exchange, buy something else? Gift also bought ages ago so over return date and also purchased on line so a faff to return.

‘could we exchange it because she doesn’t like Lego Friends’.

Have you and DH morphed into the customer service desk at the fucking Lego store in his eyes? Exchange it. I'd sooner exchange him for a more agreeable model, the cheeky twat!

Keep the Lego and give it to somebody who will actually appreciate it, OP. And for the love of fuck DO NOT replace the gift. The polite and correct response from BIL should have been, 'Thank you so much for DD's gift. It was really appreciated.'

Jesus bloody wept. What is WRONG with some folk?!

Actually I agree. £5 in a card next year is definitely the way to go!

What happens if you replace the gift with something else she doesn't like?!

Right, ivo of your latest post about them not giving your son even a card for his birthday, then collect present from MILs, regift the lego to your goddaughter, don't give anything else to your DN, she has the top you bought, that is enough. Now you know SIL & BIL are the type to do this instead of just smiling politely and saying thank you, I would head this off in future by asking them to provide ideas or a list.

Are Sil/bil anti Lego friends?
I know a couple of people who won't let their dd have it because it's "pink and marketed at girls".

In which case they were probably making a point.
My dd's would have both preferred the lego friends.

Make a point back and get the dd a nerf gun and the parents a t-shirt each with a target on them next year.

CF’s!! Next year put £10 in an envelope. I wouldn’t bother trying to exchange it either.

I would be very unimpressed and certainly wouldn't give niece a replacement gift.

Also it's Lego.... If she doesn't like that particular set she could have just used the bricks to build something else. Dd2 got a frozen set this year, she doesn't really like frozen but has used the bricks with her existing bricks to make something else.

So many people treat gift givers like a fucking shop. 'Oh, I don't want this, give me X instead'. I'd just take it back, say nothing and stop exchanging gifts with them. Yes, seriously! It's all so ridiculous, all this spending on stuff. We give only to our kids and partners at Xmas. Family we give to on their birthdays, but things were getting out of hands with Xmas and giving gifts to all and sundry so we cut it off years ago when we bought our house and really couldn't afford to give other than to our kids (and stated we definitely didn't want to be given anything, either). My folks and DH's when they were still alive gave to us and the kids but they wanted to and we certainly were grateful.

Why are people so rude and entitled these days?

And no don't replace the gift, give it someone else who will appreciate it.

Honestly just stand up to them. 'We're not running a customer service desk.'

It's rude the way he has worded it, but could he clumsily be trying to prevent any future waste of your money?

Lego isn't cheap and I have a relative who buys my DS Lego every year for his birthday and/or Christmas. Always expensive sets at £20/£30. This is despite the fact I've hinted, politely mentioned, jokily mentioned and outright said that DS has absolutely no interest in Lego, because I hate that they spend a lot of money on something that he doesn't play with. It feels like wasting their money.

Just text them and say that it's not exchangeable and that its at mils if they want to collect it or would they rather you gave it to someone else who would like it.

Job done.

I would take back the present and regift to someone else another date. If they ask where her replacement is just explain that it was non refundable.

Charming of them(!) surely it's a lesson to their daughter to accept gifts graciously. I've had some really terrible gifts in the past but wouldn't ever do that unless it was a case of incorrect sizing etc

Pressed too soon. It's now after Christmas anyway, I'd take the set back ready for someone else. No replacement required.

That’s so rude and the only thing I hate about Christmas, it brings out people like this. My DS was given the same puzzle by three separate people this year. For each one we smiled and said thank you. I would never dream of making the giver feel uncomfortable or awkward by telling them.

Take it back and replace with a tube or small packet of sweets. Or even an unwanted gift of your own!

Take the Lego back and use or regift it. Don't mention a replacement and if BIL brings it up I'd kind of say "oh I assumed you were joking because nobody would be that rude would they!"