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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try to stick to ds (14mo) naps over Christmas despite the MIL

171 replies

Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 06:55

So he doesnt have set routines but does have 2 naps a day and is a nightmare sleeper otherwise which makes him and me a grumpy mess. We are seeing the MIL on sunday who has told us to be there at set times, what time is food (it's only lunch) etc and its only 10min away so DS wont get a decent nap en route. Fat chance he will sleep there as hes not the type to just drop on the sofa and sleep and he has only been there once before so will not feel comfortable I expect (they insisit on coming here usually) She has had 2 children but cant see why saying 'he will be OK missing a nap' isn't an option when he will be an overtired mess going into christmas eve....aib selfish here and should suck it up

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 19/12/2018 06:57

I don't think she's BU wanting to plan a time for Christmas lunch. Can't DS have a nap before and after?

SD1978 · 19/12/2018 06:59

I understand your routine is important- but it's one day. If you feel he's tired, you can always take him upstairs and lie down with him if it all gets too much.

anniehm · 19/12/2018 07:00

Can't you just give him a nap earlier? Yabu - the world doesn't revolve around you, she's given you a time and plenty of notice, which is very reasonable of her

Lazypuppy · 19/12/2018 07:01

Just get him to nap before you go for lunch then nap as soon as you get home.

Yabu, everyone else doesn't plan their day around your child's nap times, you have to adjust

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:01

It's not 'christmas lunch' its just lunch. And I would let him nap before and after but he usually goes 3-4 hours awake only over lunch. I cant just force him down of he doesnt want to sleep?

OP posts:
Acopyofacopy · 19/12/2018 07:01

My dc needed fixed sleeping routines, and I needed a nap for my own sanity. It’s wonderful if your kids can skip a nap or fall asleep on somebody’s sofa, but this doesn’t work for some.

Just tell mil not to worry and go ahead with her plans, you’ll be there after dc’s nap to join the fun later, with a happy and well rested little one.

colorao · 19/12/2018 07:03

Can't you take a travel cot? With DTwins they absolutely needed routine, so sometimes they napped and missed family meals. They were there, but we'd just put them to nap whenever they needed it. Got them used to sleeping at different houses, meant we didn't miss out and allowed them to not turn in to gremlins.

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/12/2018 07:05

I can understand your point of view but really think that you should adapt on special occasions. Your mil needs to plan when to put the joint on etc. I know it can be a pain but the whole family can't fit round a toddler's habits imo .

JudasPrudy · 19/12/2018 07:05

Oh sorry I have Christmas on the brain. I suppose you'll have to tell her the times you can't go and if she chooses to serve lunch during that time then that's fine? Although I always stress about this with my DS (18 months and needs a lot of sleep) but if he's somewhere new with people to make a fuss of him he finds the energy to make it through and enjoys himself.

blackcat86 · 19/12/2018 07:05

Can't you see if there is a quiet space upstairs where DC can nap if he needs a break? We're at the PIL for boxing day with DD (4 months) and they're going to put the travel cot in the spare room for her. Her great aunt has made a song and dance about this as 'It's Christmas' as if DD should suddenly be entertaining everyone. Fortunately MIL had my back on this.

However, we are there all day so she is going to need to nap. If it's only for a few hours I'd be tempted to let him sleep in the car on the way home by going for a bit of a drive to extend the journey.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:09

It just annoys me how its her way all the time. Maybe I shouldve titled the thread like that. If she comes here (announced) and hes napping she sulks. And on his bday when he sat with my mum (he sees her far more - their doing) she sulked and refused to go near him. She treats him like a performing monkey. She will ask why the toys shes brought him arent out when hes round....etc etc... Aargh

I will consider the travel cot.

Think of me on Sunday...

OP posts:
Kintan · 19/12/2018 07:11

Can you take a buggy along and walk around the block a couple of times to put him to sleep. I’m sorry but it does seem a bit ridiculous that you are letting his nap schedule dictate your life.

Kintan · 19/12/2018 07:12

Ah your update puts a different spin on things!

CarolDanvers · 19/12/2018 07:12

I’d work it round his naps and she could lump it.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:14

Hes nap schedule doesnt dictate our lives. He doesnt wake up at set times or go down at set times. Sometimes he wakes 5am so has an early nap, sometimes 8am. We dont live by it. What I dont think is unreasonable is to want him to not go all day without a nap then screw up christmas eve because we are both tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:15

She rang in september to ask what he would want to eat on sunday so she could prepare ffs....

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/12/2018 07:16

Problem is your complaining about her, as host, wanting things done to her timings yet you as guest want it to your timings.

Wanting to have lunch at lunchtime isn’t that unreasonable really.

If it’s only 10 minute drive I would be tempted to walk so he can sleep en route

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 19/12/2018 07:17

Sorry but you can't expect other people to work their plans around a toddlers nap. Either don't go ( which would be a bit ridiculous) or suck it up. Make a plan with your DH and do a bit of tag team parenting. Prepare for the worst and you might be pleasantly surprised.

blackcat86 · 19/12/2018 07:19

Then be firm that he needs a quiet space to nap or bring the buggy so that you can go off out for a walk. I would stress that it'll be much nicer for everyone if he's not overtired. Be prepared to leave if you need to. Where is your partner in all of this?

Also absolutely slap down any comments about where are toys, sulking etc. DD is going through a clingy phase and screamed when MIL held her. MIL then went around muttering 'Oh I'm just evil grandma' and 'She only wants mummy' in a whiney voice. I said yes isn't it great because usually a baby wouldn't be this aware until much later. She must be very advanced.

PoorMansPeppaPig · 19/12/2018 07:23

My son needed set naps - though he had specific timings so was slightly easier as I could just say when he'd need a sleep and figure things out around it. I had a travel cot at PIL and my parents and whilst it would take slightly longer for DS to drop off there he would sleep fine in the travel cot in the spare room with the blinds/curtains closed. Nowadays he doesn't nap so much but if I feel he needs a sleep I get him all cosy in the stroller and walk for 20mkns or so then go home then park him in a quiet spot in the house l - could you walk there so Dc sleeps enroute and just leave the pram somewhere inside when you get there? If you tell her you're planning to do this she'll probs make a nice dark quiet spot for you to park the pram in.

AuntMarch · 19/12/2018 07:24

If his nap times vary, how could she plan around them?

lazymare · 19/12/2018 07:27

Problem is your complaining about her, as host, wanting things done to her timings yet you as guest want it to your timings.

A loving and reasonable granny would ask what suited if they really want their grandchild to be there and enjoy lunch.

flumpybear · 19/12/2018 07:27

I'd get him to sleep beforehand ... sort your morning out so it works out time wise, then later, if he's really tired then put him in the pram and walk the streets til he falls asleep then let him sleep in the pram in their house

FlibbertyGiblets · 19/12/2018 07:28

Trotting there with the buggy is a really good idea, ds can nod off on the way and snooze in the hallway (take old newspaper to roll the buggy wheels onto to protect the floor a bit).

Santababyclaus · 19/12/2018 07:29

10 min walk or drive? If its a drive can you walk to MIL so he can nap in the pushchair on the way?

You don't have to arrive when she has asked you to, although it would be polite to arrive in time for lunch.

Like pp I use to take my pushchair to pil/dm and take dd for a walk to get her to nap.