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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try to stick to ds (14mo) naps over Christmas despite the MIL

171 replies

Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 06:55

So he doesnt have set routines but does have 2 naps a day and is a nightmare sleeper otherwise which makes him and me a grumpy mess. We are seeing the MIL on sunday who has told us to be there at set times, what time is food (it's only lunch) etc and its only 10min away so DS wont get a decent nap en route. Fat chance he will sleep there as hes not the type to just drop on the sofa and sleep and he has only been there once before so will not feel comfortable I expect (they insisit on coming here usually) She has had 2 children but cant see why saying 'he will be OK missing a nap' isn't an option when he will be an overtired mess going into christmas eve....aib selfish here and should suck it up

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 19/12/2018 07:29

It's difficult because you'll be the one left with a grumpy child if you're doesn't sleep and it's quite close to xmas and might throw you out for xmas eve and xmas day. The only thing I can suggest is slightly changing your lo's routine so they get up a bit earlier and so nap earlier on the day? Maybe slightly bring the nap forward over the next couple of days? I assume this affects the first nap which is a pain because because my lo could stand a shorter second nap but not a second. It's tough when you know the consequences will be an overtired child and a bad nights sleep.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:30

Its a cold lunch.

I will have to suck it up. Despite my complaining she will win either way. My skin will crawl the whole time we are there with the coochie coo's (yep we get those) and the waving of toys an inch from his face....aargh. Last week she said it was so sad I 'dont enjoy playing with my son as much as she enjoyed hers' and have 'chosen' to go back to work.ffs. We need the money.

Anyway I could go on.... Maybe I will push him round the block to get him down. Merry Christmas!

OP posts:
colorao · 19/12/2018 07:31

Buggy is a great shout! Just thinking about times at my MIL's where it was a saving grace, gave me and DC a breather and rest.

Reminds me of the first Christmas after DTwins were born, think they were 16 weeks, me and DH were frazzled, had DS who was 20mths too. All terrible sleepers at that point. MIL lives 50 mins away and I wanted to drive and go for the day but lots of pressure out on us to stay for the night. 7 of us in a 2 bed. Think it was the most horrifying night of my life, DH snapped at 5am and we drove home, let them sleep and went back again that afternoon.

I agree kids' routines shouldn't rule your life but MIL should be a bit more understanding. Think the buggy or cot is a compromise, good luck!

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:31

Its 10min drive but on a main road so no possibility of walking there. We could walk around their village to try and get him down I suppose

OP posts:
Moomooboo · 19/12/2018 07:32

I think some people don’t get this! I am the same. If my DS doesn’t have a nap at 8:30 and then a nap at 1:30 the day seems to be completely ruined!

She is not being unreasonable planning a time for lunch, but she is being totally unreasonable expecting your DS to be awake for it. I would always say that if lunch is at 1 - my DS will be sleeping but that it’s fine!

Does he not nap in his pram? If not then it’s tricky...!

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 07:32

Thanks I do appreciate I am being a bit of brat too

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 19/12/2018 07:33

lazy and plan an entire lunch around a toddler? What if other family are travelling there ....should 14 month dictate their plans too? Especially if he doesn't even have set naps?
It's surprising how adaptable children can be especially if you relax the routine a bit.

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2018 07:33

Is the answer to wake him early in the morning so he has his morning sleep before you go?

Is he really have two sleeps of 3-4 hours during the day? That's an awful lot at 14 months. It might be time to start cutting that down anyway.

colorao · 19/12/2018 07:33

Just read your last update. MIL sounds a bit of PITA in general so I can understand why you are perhaps a bit more peed off about something that might seem minor to outsiders. She sounds similar to my MIL and sometimes the little bits just mount up.

Ignore the comment about work, she's being a dick.

StoppinBy · 19/12/2018 07:35

I feel your pain as we have/had a bad sleeper and as you know, less sleep leads to less sleep.

If you plan to take a porta cot do some practice sleeps overnight at home.

We went on a trial camp for one night and it was the first time I had used the porta cot with DS, he refused to sleep and it was a nightmare, as we were planning to go camping for two whole weeks I ended up setting up the porta cot at home for a week before we left and he learned to sleep in the porta cot and it made that first camping trip so much easier.

BlingLoving · 19/12/2018 07:38

I would leave early and take a drive in the car so that DS can nap on the way.

FixedIdeal · 19/12/2018 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booboostwo · 19/12/2018 07:43

This is the kind of thing people can seem really BU about, the world doesn’t revolve around one toddler...unless they had a poor sleeper and remember the experience! YANBU sleep deprivation is hell and having a regression when you have found some kind of solution is awful. MIL should be more compassionate.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/12/2018 07:47

Leave early and go for a longer drive.

doodleygirl · 19/12/2018 07:52

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Bananarama12 · 19/12/2018 07:53

My DS always sleeps at lunchtime and he won't just fall asleep on the sofa either or in someone else's bed so I feel your pain! Honestly I just say no DS will be sleeping at that time.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 19/12/2018 07:54

We had a terrible sleeper but I didn't expect other people to have to make plans around that. We worked as a team and made the best of a bad situation. We still took him everywhere - if he slept then great but if not then we'd just deal with it. Occasionally that meant one of us leaving with him but often it was just us that paid the price later on. It was worth it to be able to have some semblance of a normal life.

Now we have a 4 year old who we can take anywhere and who will sleep anywhere. It's worth it in the long run.

FilthyforFirth · 19/12/2018 07:57

I am a big advocate for keeping DS in his routine where possible but I think YABU. It is Christmas and you need to expect this cant happen everyday.

Bananarama12 · 19/12/2018 07:57

Some children are not adaptable. Congratulations for all of you that have an easy baby but some of us have children that need a routine and have been through hell with sleep deprivation!

Sirzy · 19/12/2018 08:01

Just because people think she is being unreasonable doesn’t mean people haven’t got vast experience of poor sleepers.

FilthyforFirth · 19/12/2018 08:03

My DS is a good sleeper now but he wasnt so I well aware of sleep deprivation thank you! Still think she is BU.

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2018 08:04

Our toddler is a terrible sleeper. I would just suck it up at Christmas time though. We'll have to on Boxing Day which will mean a very late night but such is life.

Could you leave early and go for a long drive before the lunch so he sleeps in the car, we used to do that a lot with our eldest.

LovelyBranches · 19/12/2018 08:11

I love all the comments about kids being adaptable. My dd isn’t at all. I took my dd for a long drive on Sunday instead of her usual nap in bed. She slept for 10 minutes all day and was a tired tantrumming mess all afternoon. She wouldn’t sleep at all on the way home and it was a struggle all day.

My ds would sleep on the go, it made life so much easier. If you have an adaptable child or children then please recognise that you are lucky and it’s down to the luck of the draw rather than parenting style in lots of cases.

EssentialHummus · 19/12/2018 08:11

I have a 16 month old who is a bit particular with sleep, so sympathies! I'd wake him up early on the day so he's more likely to nap at home before you go, and then presumably after you get home. And MIL can go to hell with her comments - ignore ignore ignore.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 08:11

You really don’t like her do you? YABVU as well as being very nasty

Am I? I've seen alot worse tbh! And some of her comments have been very hurtful.

The consequences are he will scream blue murder most of the night so I am concerned christmas eve will get ruined.

Like I said I will be going, we will have lunch, its just compromising and finding a way to do it. DH agrees with me btw as they never make allowances for DS. ever. But he will inevitably cave for fear of upsetting MIL

OP posts: