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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try to stick to ds (14mo) naps over Christmas despite the MIL

171 replies

Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 06:55

So he doesnt have set routines but does have 2 naps a day and is a nightmare sleeper otherwise which makes him and me a grumpy mess. We are seeing the MIL on sunday who has told us to be there at set times, what time is food (it's only lunch) etc and its only 10min away so DS wont get a decent nap en route. Fat chance he will sleep there as hes not the type to just drop on the sofa and sleep and he has only been there once before so will not feel comfortable I expect (they insisit on coming here usually) She has had 2 children but cant see why saying 'he will be OK missing a nap' isn't an option when he will be an overtired mess going into christmas eve....aib selfish here and should suck it up

OP posts:

MadMadaMim · 21/12/2018 20:18

I'd guess that most people, if they felt a tenth of resentment, dislike and negativity you project towards your PILs in tuus thread, would also come to your house only under duress and stay in their coats and keep interaction to a minimum.

And children are real sponges and mirrors. Your DC will definitely have picked up how much you detest the grandparents and will reflect that in his feelings towards rhem.

Go, if he's asleep when lunch is served, make apologies and say he'll eat when he wakes up.

You can't blame others for your lack of conviction. It's not your MILs fault if you can't stand up for yourself

erykahb · 21/12/2018 21:05

Claudia1980- 'Loosen up'

You clearly don't have children or have never experienced an over tired toddler. It's not fucking fun for anyone.

keeptheaspidistra · 21/12/2018 21:44

You sound very mean.

Amazonian27 · 21/12/2018 22:04

Walk & let him sleep on way

Milly345 · 21/12/2018 23:22

Walk there with the buggy, let him sleep then keep him asleep in the buggy there?

altiara · 22/12/2018 00:14

OP, what do you suggest then?

I’d go early while DS is awake, then have lunch and then he can have a nap (based on your previous post).
So just asking what would your solution be and then suggest it.

Bugbabe1970 · 22/12/2018 01:23

You are being precious
Take a break from the strict routine for one day and just enjoy some family time.....unless you are looking for excuses not to go?

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 22/12/2018 07:14

Blimey. Alot of hate coming my way now . Oh well. For the record

I am going and I will take the buggy. I am aware I will never live it down if MIL doesnt see DS and I am not stopping that.

DS has no negative attitude that has rubbed off from me. He would socialise with a lost sock. Hes a very happy little boy- Thanks.

Yes it is a moan thread. As are maybe 70% of those on aibu.....

Thank you to those who also have toddlers that dont drop for a nap on demand or can go hours and hours without sleep for understanding. Its difficult isnt it? I do wish is was different but it isnt. On Wednesday DS had a christmas party with the childminder with lots of children. He had a great time but missed out on naps. He ended up in our bed at 1am after I had had to resettle him about 6 x since 7pm - one time took an hour. He then shuffled about waking constantly until we got up at 5am.

Forgive me for not wanting a repeat of that on Christmas eve which is one our whole family day when his dad is working over Christmas.....

OP posts:

brookshelley · 22/12/2018 07:21

I can relate. DC1 was a nightmare if she missed naps and she couldn’t sleep easily in the pram or a random travel for. I did have to make my schedule work around her naps because otherwise she’d cry for hours on end and it disrupted her night sleep as well.

If people have never had a baby like this they can’t understand it. DC2 is so relaxed and if that was my only experience I’d also think you were being precious.

Having said that - manage expectations and recruit DH for having to comfort an overtired baby and ensure he’ll do half the overnight wakes too. You can’t skip a family lunch for a nap IMO. But I feel for you!

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 22/12/2018 07:28

Yeah as I think was mentioned earlier, I have told DH he will need to contribute in the night if he is over tired (he doesnt usually but thats a whole different story 😂) . he will sleep in the car if really necessary although as its a 10minute drive I will need to take some sort of detour.

As I said I have taken on bits of peoples advice and we are going....

OP posts:

user1471426142 · 22/12/2018 14:17

I think there are two camps - rigid sleepers and those that are quite free and easy. I have always been quite routine-led with my toddler and don’t think it is a coincidence that she is a good sleeper (although I recognise luck is a big percentage of that).

I found the 2 nap stage quite limiting in lots of ways but for us, that was the point that lunches out worked really nicely. Once we moved to 1 nap, lunch became an issue but dinners out worked better with our routine. My family and In-laws tended to work around us as everyone had a far nicer time with a well rested baby/toddler. At 21/2 she can now stretch until about 2pm for a lunchtime nap so lunch is back on the cards if we go for 12ish.

Personally, I don’t understand why family wouldn’t adapt to the routine of little ones. It makes for a far nicer experience all round and it makes far less difference to an adult to shift times than it does to a baby.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 22/12/2018 14:22

user definitely luck. We've never had a rigid routine ( it never made a difference) and despite being a terrible sleeper as baby, he's now a fabulous sleeper and has been since aged 2.

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 22/12/2018 15:31

I totally understand. My 18 month old CANNOT just soldier on napless without face planting his tea then waking up hungry an hour later which throws everything out of whack.

I’d walk him around before or after, and if he sleeps through lunch and eats after, so be it

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 15:33

How many people are going OP?

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 22/12/2018 15:48

Its just me DH, MIL FIL and DS. So impacts noone really!

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 15:54

Oh, I thought there'd be more!

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 22/12/2018 16:04

No it's literally just us.

Btw as an update DH messaged MIL to say 1pm is fine but if DS is asleep in the car/buggy he may miss out and have to have lunch abit later when he wakes but we will be there.....and we are now being ignored. So, for those that said I am mean/horrible/nasty this is what we contend with. A 60 something year old 5 year old (In my nasty opinion). Obviously I am lovely and polite while I am there but do think I am rather verified in my frustrations. I am putting some wine on the sideboard to hit hard when I get back!

Thanks to all those that were supportive and sympathetic

OP posts:

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 22/12/2018 18:35

Good luck OP

parentin · 23/12/2018 10:12

Sorry 1pm is a reasonable time to serve lunch. I get the feeling if you was going somewhere where you actually wanted to go things may not be such an issue for you. Why don't you stay home, let your husband and baby go by themselves. But in this case it was pre arranged at a decent time, if you cant or dont want to work with that then dont.

lazymare · 23/12/2018 10:31

Of course it is a reasonable time to have lunch. Just as it is reasonable of the OP to explain that her toddler may be asleep through it.

campbellsmum · 23/12/2018 11:06

It might have already been suggested but if you have time I'd maybe leave early, get lo to sleep in the car and go get a coffee or something before heading to lunch. That way they can nap in the car for a decent amount of time and you'll still get to mil on time.
I used to do this aaaaall the time cause my lo was a horrible napper when he was smaller.
Hope you have a nice day!

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