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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try to stick to ds (14mo) naps over Christmas despite the MIL

171 replies

Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 06:55

So he doesnt have set routines but does have 2 naps a day and is a nightmare sleeper otherwise which makes him and me a grumpy mess. We are seeing the MIL on sunday who has told us to be there at set times, what time is food (it's only lunch) etc and its only 10min away so DS wont get a decent nap en route. Fat chance he will sleep there as hes not the type to just drop on the sofa and sleep and he has only been there once before so will not feel comfortable I expect (they insisit on coming here usually) She has had 2 children but cant see why saying 'he will be OK missing a nap' isn't an option when he will be an overtired mess going into christmas eve....aib selfish here and should suck it up

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 19/12/2018 08:12

(As an aside, my GM dug my old cot out when we visited, plonked it in the middle of the living room and insisted we put DD down for a nap right there and then! People do odd things, no need to oblige.)

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 08:14

And thanks to those that also have terrible sleepers. The irony is if DS is stroppy because he is tired at the MILs she will sulk and question why hes not playing nicely.

I will have to try and wake him up to squeeze in a nap and may be have a go at a pushchair nap. Hey ho!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 08:15

And apologies as I am now drip feeding but my DH is workinf over christmas so time is quite precious!

OP posts:
MilkRunningOutAgain · 19/12/2018 08:16

My DS wanted a very rigid routine & slept a lot as a toddler. It was restricting. He would only sleep in a cot, we always put him down for naps at the exact right time in his travel cot when visiting relatives. As long as he was well rested he was a happy sociable toddler, if tired he was a nightmare. Some relatives just don’t get it, they see the happy child and thought I was just being mean taking him for a nap upstairs, rather than letting him stay downstairs and said he (by which they meant they) was missing all the fun. I found it impossible to explain. Good luck OP, I hope it goes well Sunday, it gets much easier to visit relatives in a year or so when your DS won’t need to nap.

erykahb · 19/12/2018 08:16

My DS was the same at this age

I found taking the buggy with us to family events helped, maybe try pushing him around the garden after dinner

Fresh air will do him good (obviously wrapped up) and he'll have a fully tummy so will go off nicely

Don't let it bother you too much though, yes he'll probably be grumpy but he'll drop off when he's shattered

DontPanic42 · 19/12/2018 08:16

Stick to your guns OP, it's all very well other people saying it's only one nap but they don't have to deal with the fall out, you do, and in my case it could take a couple of days for my kids to recover, it wasn't worth it

Dimsumlosesum · 19/12/2018 08:18

My MIL tried this one with us when our oldest was younger. She'd had 4 kids so was "obviously" more of an expert about these things. Son screamed the house down most of the time. She shut up trying to tell us what to do with him after that.

Dimsumlosesum · 19/12/2018 08:19

He was an utterly shit sleeper. He couldn't be left without a nap - just couldn't. My youngest could miss one - but the oldest at that age was a horrific nightmare if left (if you by any chance have seen Jack Jack from the Incredibles 2 when he turns into a demon baby - that was my son without sleep). MIL/DMs can be such sanctimonious knowitalls.

erykahb · 19/12/2018 08:20

It's difficult not to be a brat though because you're the one who'll have to deal with a grumpy toddler!

I didn't RTFT before I replied- tell MIL to fuck off or if it makes you feel better then spit in her coffee. He's your bloody son!!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe play her at her own game and be super condescending 'he just doesn't see you as much as others, you haven't left much of an impression' with a huge smile on your face.

God, parenting is hard enough without snarky in laws always sticking their oar in!

Sirzy · 19/12/2018 08:21

It would be one thing if you cokld say now “ds sleeps from 11-12 so we will be there for about 1” but it seems you want to just tell them on the day which isn’t fair on any host really.

Moominfan · 19/12/2018 08:22

I live for my lo's naps. We know our window of opportunity is between 11:30-1 if he doesn't go down during those specific times he doesn't sleep at all, maybe 20mins in car or pram if your lucky. You have my sympathy op. We do deviate on occasions and his behaviour changes because he's tired, effects the next day to

erykahb · 19/12/2018 08:24

When my son was 14mo I stopped going out for lunch as he was too difficult to handle when tired. Definitely stick to your guns

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 19/12/2018 08:36

I wonder how much the op would be willing to suck it up and deal with a grumpy toddler if it was somewhere she really wanted to go?

Each to their own but there was no way my life was going to be dictated by nap time. I'm assuming your DH will be there too so share the grumpy toddler....also other relatives might want to lend a hand?
It just sounds like you're already spoiling for a fight and an 'i told you so'

CarolDanvers · 19/12/2018 08:41

I wonder how much the op would be willing to suck it up and deal with a grumpy toddler if it was somewhere she really wanted to go?

Well for myself I preferred the time given to me by a regular three hour a day nap schedule than an angry, exhausted toddler who was beside himself for three or four days until regular nap time resumed properly. No amount of pleasant lunches could trump that and this one doesn’t even sound pleasant.

Blondebakingmumma · 19/12/2018 08:42

You are not being unreasonable. When my family planned Christmas lunch, that had to be at a set time (as was tradition). I told them to go ahead and eat at 12 and we would head over when dc woke from a nap. We arrived at 3 and ate leftovers and had a great day without a feral tired child

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 08:43

@BlaaBlaaBlaa I have given up plenty that I wanted to do for my DS. And will. Over and over again. Why wouldn't I? Not because I am being a martyr, not because of any reason other than thats my choice. As you say each to their own.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 19/12/2018 08:44

Just take it as he comes. Last year dd was only 8 months and she decided not to nap at all on Xmas day, it was just too stimulating. We survived!

missyB1 · 19/12/2018 08:48

This isn’t about your ds getting his nap, this is about you not wanting to go to that lunch. You are looking for excuses to bitch about it - at least be honest about that!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 19/12/2018 08:51

But you know you don't have to. It just sounds like you don't want to go.
I remember one Christmas when our DS was around 14 months. We went to SILs and DS was a bloody nightmare. Refused to sleep in the buggy was as grumpy as hell. I just popped him in the car and took him for a drive. He slept in the car then was delight for the rest of the evening. It messed with his sleep that night and we had a restless night with him but it was worth it to spend time with family to to allow family to spend time with DS.

Not going because it would mess with nap time is just selfish. How will he ever get used to MiL's house if he never goes there?

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 09:15

I am not saying I am not going. I am saying that I want to ensure my son has his naps.

Yeah of course I am bitching about it Hmm most of aibu is a moan fest

OP posts:
Fatted · 19/12/2018 09:17

YABU. One day will do no harm. Don't be a slave to your DC.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/12/2018 09:22

What would you like to happen OP? Move the time you eat or something else? I'm confused here.

Take the pram and go for a walk, take a travel cot, don't go or pray for the best is all you can do imo.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 19/12/2018 09:33

I'd like her to understand DS doesn't tick on and off like clock so yeah the lunch may need to move or we will be late. It seems I am not alone in thinking its rather important.

I agree I will likely need to plod the streets to get him down assuming we will be there awhile.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/12/2018 09:34

Sounds like a battle of wills between you both tbh OP. You could ask her again I guess.

StressedToTheMaxx · 19/12/2018 09:38

My mil always insisted on visiting at 7.30pm as she "couldn't move dinner for them"
Ds went to bed at 7 most nights so he would always be tiered by the time they arrived. And when they left it was horrendous trying to get him to sleep.
Dp agreed with me but didn't care enough to address it and I was left with baby.
The last visit, i expressed plenty of milk, let them have there fun. Wheb they left it was i handed to the milk to dp and wished him luck and went to bed.
After him dealing with a tired impossible dc it never happened again. Dp( without being asked) scheduled times where it suited dc.
Give yourself the day off and when dc is grumpy, let dh deal with it and things will change