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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 04/12/2018 07:53

My DH does on occasion. I can't say it bothers me. He doesn't have unrealistic expectations and with small children, it allows me to have some uninterrupted sleep!

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:56

I think all men do. It's the way their brain is wired lol!

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 04/12/2018 07:57

No he doesn't. People on here say of course he does but when he isn't working we are together and he doesn't watch it. His type of job means he doesn't have the opportunity unless he watches it when driving home which is unlikely. We have a very regular sex life though. He said even when single he rarely watched it and he found it to be boring in his opinion. I have known other men (friends, colleagues etc) that do not watch porn.

AloneLonelyLoner · 04/12/2018 08:00

I’ve not known any man that doesn’t at least occasionally watch it, so I find it weird that others do. Just my experience I suppose. My husband definitely does, not when I’m around though.

Bouchie · 04/12/2018 08:01

Mind did a bit but hasn't for 10 odd years. He got put off working with care leavers and realising how many ended up in prostitution. He then looked into the industry a bit and it upset him. TBH he went off it before me.

Bouchie · 04/12/2018 08:02

Definitely not all men watch it. My ex did as a teen but never since. I was very open to it. I bet all men (and most women) have at some point though.

Shoxfordian · 04/12/2018 08:03

Yeah he does occasionally
It doesn't bother me though

bengalcat · 04/12/2018 08:06

Yes he has videos on his computer - doesn't bother me .

Fairylea · 04/12/2018 08:08

I don’t think all men do at all. I used to think that and as I’ve got older I don’t think all men are as bothered by sex as the media makes us believe, in the same way that not all women go off sex as they get older!

Dh hates porn. He finds it really revolting and cheesy. I don’t actually have anything against it myself although I wouldn’t watch it, as it doesn’t do anything for me so he has no reason to lie to me about it. He’s very much an old romantic (at the grand age of 31) and believes sex without being part of a proper relationship is weird and wrong, he also doesn’t like the whole aspect of exploitation that often goes with the porn industry.

I’ve been in relationships in the past where they always watched porn and I didn’t have an issue with it.

pinkdelight · 04/12/2018 08:11

Yeah, now and again for a wank. Doesn't bother me either. He's not of the internet addicted 'death claw' generation. Just not v imaginative!

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 04/12/2018 08:18

We both do. Sometimes together, sometimes on our own. Not very often really.

Elephantina · 04/12/2018 08:19

I don't know really - I have no issues with porn, but if he wants to watch it he has a right to privacy (as long as he is not a depraved sex pest, which to my knowledge he is not). I would never ask him if he does and how often, because I wouldn't want him to be embarrassed.

Anyway, we all know this is going to descend into a debate about the porn industry, and general contempt for "cool wives." Then it'll be a 10 page bun fight, excerpts of which will end up in some inarticulate rag like the Fail.

BlueJag · 04/12/2018 08:22

Not all men are wired like that. Is like saying women don't watch porn they aren't wired like that.
It's a question of preference not gender.

Firesuit · 04/12/2018 08:29

I'm not sure what the threshold is for watching/not watching. I mean, would you say someone like me who drinks less than a pint of beer a year, on average, is an alcohol consumer?

My porn consumption is not much higher. In theory I've nothing against it, in practise I just don't like 99% of it.

JudasPrudy · 04/12/2018 08:30

Yeah, I mean I've never asked him 'do you watch porn' and he doesn't do it while in the house or anything but he's a man and he owns a phone so I'm guessing he does.

Sometimes I wonder about the posters who say their DP definitely doesn't watch porn because x, y, z. Do they look for evidence? Have they asked DP outright if they watch porn? Because I imagine that's a conversation that most people would shut down quickly with a 'no' before they start getting grilled on what kind of porn they watch and so on.

Hohocabbage · 04/12/2018 08:31

No he doesnt and after 20 years im sure id have seen some sign if he was lying. I suspect younger men may do this more, but that's just a guess. I do find the whole "oh they all do it you're kidding yourself" offensive. And the wired that way - if anything they are socialised to have these poor attitudes towards relationships, it's not wired in.

Moominfan · 04/12/2018 08:32

He says he never has and never will. Not sure I believe him. I think the porn industry is pretty awful but I'm not one to police his masturbation habits.

ThePants999 · 04/12/2018 08:42

We both do.

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/12/2018 08:44

We watched some together many years ago and found it quite revolting (a friend lent it us so we didn't actually sit down and choose it ourselves iyswim) and I've never watched any since and he says he hasn't either, and yes, I believe him. He's really really in to a specific sport and all his spare time is spent watching youtube videos of it. I would be less surprised to find him wanking over that to be honest!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 04/12/2018 08:46

No he doesn't, he used to while single but doesn't anymore. He says he doesn't need it as we have a very active sex life.

cigarettessuffragettesandboys · 04/12/2018 08:46

He says no and I believe him. He never has even as a teenager. He thinks there’s no way of knowing for sure that the women aren’t forced or what their circumstances are so won’t watch it. A computer wiz friend was fixing his laptop once and when he gave it back was in absolute disbelief that he couldn’t find a trace of porn on there!

So while a lot of men do watch it I definitely don’t believe all men do.

FitzChivalryFarseer · 04/12/2018 08:51

No. For once I can say NAMALT and it be justified. Maybe it’s an age/generational thing. Grew up and got married before freely accessible porn. It has never interested him. Yes we have discussed it, and I have never had any reason not to trust him on any other subject, so no reason not to believe him on this one.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 04/12/2018 08:53

Yes. He admits it. I don't have an issue with it. He wouldn't lie or try to hide it if I asked either.

SonEtLumiere · 04/12/2018 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulberry72 · 04/12/2018 08:58

DH used to, he doesn’t any more. We have a good sex life and he just says that porn doesn’t do it for him any more.