Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
RiverTam · 04/12/2018 16:11

readily available free porn.

RiverTam · 04/12/2018 16:12

that was to Winklemans.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 04/12/2018 16:14

Why laugh at men who say they don't want porn? If they're telling the truth, it isn't something to giggle at them for - it's an entirely fine choice - and even if they are lying about it, that suggests a fear of their partner's or wider's society judgement or feeling shame about their choices, I can't think of a positive reason to lie about porn usage. I don't get why it's funny, especially when you state your partner is one of them, glam. Why do you think your partner is lying about it since you clearly haven't made it a dealbreaker for him?

There is strong evidence that men are more visually-reliant for attraction than women, that doesn't mean they all watch porn or are all into short skirts and heels. That's taking a concept that does have good evidence and making an unevidenced leap with it. Even in the largest group in the earlier posted article on porn use with 3/4s of men in one age group using porn, that still leaves thousands of men in that group that aren't using it. Not every guy likes porn, I don't get why that's so hard to believe that so many think that anyone who says they don't is lying. Why assume men are liars and you know better?

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 16:14

I think I'm in a privileged position as I grew up with 4 brothers and have always preferred to have male friends, so I'm a lot more in tune to how men think.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 04/12/2018 16:15

It was a light hearted question where we could all giggle about the men who say they don't watch porn. I thought that was obvious confused

New to mumsnet?

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 04/12/2018 16:16

No I don't think he does but we have sex every night. Porn doesn't do it for him he says as you can't tell who's forced into it and who isn't.

BirthdayKake · 04/12/2018 16:16

I'm not sure tbh. I know he watches films that we've made together though.

WinklemansFringe · 04/12/2018 16:17

"readily available free porn"

Well you must have been unlucky, seeing as they are acting, and if it's rapey or one sided, you must have unwittingly clicked on that category ( they were also probably acting )

Look, I know the porn industry isn't perfect, but a lot of stuff on sites like xhamster has nothing to do with the porn industry, videos are sent or uploaded by normal couples or indviduals. You can't get much more in control than camming models, who are not beholden to anyone.

"My dp doesn't watch porn, he doesn't like it". Yep, that's the standard male reply when questioned about it.

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 16:17

Yea I'm new here x

OP posts:
HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 16:18

I think I'm in a privileged position as I grew up with 4 brothers and have always preferred to have male friends, so I'm a lot more in tune to how men think.

Now that, OP, is worthy of a lol Grin

WestBerlin · 04/12/2018 16:18

We both do, seperately and together.

Branleuse · 04/12/2018 16:18

I think I'm in a privileged position as I grew up with 4 brothers and have always preferred to have male friends, so I'm a lot more in tune to how men think.

Grin A COOL GIRL. NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER GIRLS

MindBodyChocolate · 04/12/2018 16:21

Oh well, if you’ve got 4 brothers, OP, that settles it. You DO know what every single man thinks and does!! So glad you’ve set us straight. Lol.

Aria2015 · 04/12/2018 16:22

I don't ask, he doesn't tell. We’re private about that kind if stuff. Ignorance is bliss for me because I'd probably feel insecure if I knew that he did. He never pressures me to have sex if I feel tired or unwell and is very respectful of me sexually so I don't see the point in probing. Whatever he does, it's discrete because I've never stumbled in him doing anything or found anything on his phone etc...

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 16:23

I think I'm in a privileged position as I grew up with 4 brothers and have always preferred to have male friends, so I'm a lot more in tune to how men think

Clearly doesn't make you an expert on ALL men though does it? That's an incredibly limited and biased sample to base your (incorrect) views on.

PumpkinKitty82 · 04/12/2018 16:26

We used to watch it together when we were dating but he doesn’t now that I know of . Doesn’t bother me either way

HarryPottersMum · 04/12/2018 16:29

Yes, he watches it. So do I. Sometimes we do together.

JustABetterPlayer · 04/12/2018 16:51

The overwhelming majority of men watch porn. 76% according to 2014 survey by The Observer.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 17:03

I think I'm in a privileged position as I grew up with 4 brothers and have always preferred to have male friends, so I'm a lot more in tune to how men think

This isn't the way empirical evidence works Hmm

Fairylea · 04/12/2018 17:06

I genuinely don’t believe that statistic. My dh wasn’t asked and I’m sure countless others that don’t watch porn were either.

I find mumsnet so oddly sexist about these things. When it comes to porn everyone trots out the line that men will be men and it’s normal for men to do it etc etc and at the same time in other areas of the forum people are shouting at each other that there’s no difference in the way men and women think and to suggest otherwise is sexist. Hmm

I think some men and some women like porn and some don’t.

Iggi999 · 04/12/2018 17:07

It is strange that some posters have so little trust in what a man says. It's a bit like saying all men would have an affair, and if you think otherwise you're being naive. I would put having an affair, voting Tory and watching pornography in that order in terms of my certainty that my dh would never do them!

SummerGems · 04/12/2018 17:07

Nothing like a bit of common stereotyping is there? Hmm.

My DP doesn’t, I know this with 100% certainty, and no, I don’t have reason or the need to check. Added to which, he has a friend who was addicted to porn who he has a pretty low opinion of.

To the best of my knowledge my eXH didn’t either when we were together. What he looked at as a teenager or what he does now is obviously not of interest to me.

And surveys can tell us anything we want them to. Similar surveys will tell you that more women cheat than men and yet according to MN all men cheat and women don’t. And so on.

So I think it’s safe to just say that some people watch porn, some don’t, and that’s that, and that goes for both men and women btw,women watch it too after all...

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 17:20

justabetter that will be 76% of the men surveyed. That's not 76% of all men. I'd be interested in how they sourced the participants and how unbiased the research was.

Oldstyle · 04/12/2018 17:20

I wouldn't have cared much one way or the other in the past - and have watched it myself. But porn is now increasingly violent & misogynistic; the most frequent search terms apparently involve young girls (i.e. children), aggression & perversion. Because it's on a screen we seem to be able to forget that here are real people involved in this abuse, there's plentiful evidence of coercion & trafficking, and the people making the money are not the women involved.
So I reckon porn is now a deal-breaker for me.

OccasionallyIncomplet · 04/12/2018 17:21

90% of men do, the other 10% lie about it!

Swipe left for the next trending thread