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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
LoisSanger · 04/12/2018 12:18

DH doesn’t. He used to a lot in the past before we met each other, but he stopped as we found it had a bad effect on us having successful sex. I don’t think I would necessarily mind if he did, but he doesn’t want to.

WinklemansFringe · 04/12/2018 12:32

Interesting.

I've been an adult male for nearly 25 years, and I have never had a male friend that doesn't watch porn, or look at dirty mags before the invention of internet porn.

Yet, on Mumsnet, 50% of men don't.

Maybe I have just associated with dirty pervs all my life.

keely71 · 04/12/2018 12:36

WinklemansFringe
I think a lot of men lie to their partners to keep the peace.

keely71 · 04/12/2018 12:36

And the women believe them.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 12:39

Keely no we trust them. The last time I checked the basis for a successful partnership was built on trust.

What my husband did before I met him I have no idea. We've never discussed if he used porn, that's his past for him to keep. But in the here and now, I trust him.

pizzapineapple · 04/12/2018 12:52

My husband receives funny pornographic videos etc from his mates on WhatsApp but I really don't think he watches porn. Not least because he doesn't ever get the chance to.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 04/12/2018 12:53

Winklemans no, you just aren't talking about it on here with your wife and so are being honest Wink. I'm sure a tiny % of husbands on here did give up/maybe only look a few times a year, but they would be in a tiny minority. IME most wives know but don't think it is worth the argument and turn a blind eye, unless they discover it is deviant.

Pinkyponkcustard · 04/12/2018 12:53

@WinklemansFringe totally agree!

Frosty66611 · 04/12/2018 12:54

Mine does occasionally I think but he’s said it doesn’t really interest him anymore like it did when he was a teens/early 20s.

Thurmanmurman · 04/12/2018 12:55

Yepimafraidichangeditagain. Loving the use of Twerp! Not heard that for years, going to be using that regularly now!

LokiBear · 04/12/2018 12:56

My dh doesnt anymore. He developed an addiction. It almost ended our marriage. We/he went to therapy.

MemoryOfSleep · 04/12/2018 12:59

@winklemansfringe so you've discussed this with every man you've ever met? Must make for some interesting small talk.

WonderTweek · 04/12/2018 13:01

I lived with six men when I was at uni and they all watched porn occasionally (some more than others) and everyone talked about it quite openly. I was under the impression that a lot of men do watch it, and that women watched it too. My husband probably watches it every now and then and it doesn't bother me as it's his business.

BarbedBloom · 04/12/2018 13:03

Nope and I do believe him. We are very open about stuff like that and due to work, he is never home without me there so I have no doubt he is telling the truth - my biggest battle is getting him to close the door when he goes to the loo Confused My best friend is male and he doesn’t either - he hates the fairness of it all apparently.

BarbedBloom · 04/12/2018 13:04

Fakeness if it. Stupid autocorrect

wonkylegs · 04/12/2018 13:10

Mine doesn't at all - he has no interest in it
I have watched it though and definitely read it. He's not bothered that I do. We are both quite open and honest about it.
We just accept our brains are wired slightly differently and sometimes different things turn us on.

MemoryOfSleep · 04/12/2018 13:11

I also think age is a factor, as PP said. More common with youngsters.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 13:16

No. Not all men do. We really need to get away from using 'all men are wired that way' as a response to what society has taught us is typical male behaviour.

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 13:19

I think it's great that most women accept that occasional porn is normal and healthy. Obviously a few women like to bury their head in the sand but deep down they know their OH will watch porn given half the chance lol.

OP posts:
Knittink · 04/12/2018 13:20

Winkelmans - anecdotes aren't data. You have met a tiny proportion of men. The ones you have known well enough to know whether they watch porn or not will be an even tinier proportion. And many of the ones you know that well are probably reasonably like you in terms of background, social circle and interests.

Of course lots of (or even most) men watch porn, of course lots would lie about it. Of course pretty much all men have seen pornographic material at some point. That's still a long way from meaning all men choose to watch porn.

Knittink · 04/12/2018 13:21

Out of interest, what do you mean by 'porn is healthy', OP?

OutPinked · 04/12/2018 13:30

Not anymore but he did watch it often before we lived together. He’d been single for a long time before we met and basically used porn a lot so it was habitual by the time we met. It never affected our sex life and we still had lots of it when we saw each other at the weekend but the thought of him using porn to jerk off all week didn’t sit right with me and I told him on multiple occasions. It was honestly a way to relax for him before sleep and he couldn’t see the issue.

Since we’ve lived together he’s had no reason (or time) to watch it but he does get sent ‘funny’ porn videos on WhatsApp by his weird colleagues...

LonelyandTiredandLow · 04/12/2018 13:32

over three quarters watch porn as close as we are likely to get to 'data' is surveys, unless we use allow more tracking of the internet, which is probably already possible now we have to click to "allow" cookies. At some point the tech firms will come up with more reliable data, down to minutes/catagory/age/ses etc.

Limensoda · 04/12/2018 13:34

I think it's great that most women accept that occasional porn is normal and healthy

Don't know how you work that out?!
It's not 'normal' for many people and I can't see how it improves your health.

RaspberryBeret34 · 04/12/2018 13:37

My boyfriend doesn't and I know for sure he doesn't (I won't say why as it's outing!). I have dated a bit in the past and felt like I could tell when men watch a lot by how they have sex. The ones who don't watch it (or not regularly) were much more into the intimacy side and more in tune with me. The ones who do watch a lot would suddenly do something that felt quite out of context in bed (nothing awful, just feels a bit out of the blue). With some men it felt like they were doing sex to me rather than with me. Obviously just a relatively small sample but the contrast felt quite stark!