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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 04/12/2018 17:23
Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 17:24

Snigger 🤭

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 17:25

occasionally are those figures you've just pulled out of thin air or are they based on some actual research??

Iggi999 · 04/12/2018 17:28

Maybe occasionally also comes from a family of brothers?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 17:30

That'll be it 👍

Halloweenallyearround · 04/12/2018 17:30

How much stereotyping is going on again - but it's ok it's about men. Hmmmy dp doesn't, doesn't want too and doesn't have time unless he's doing at work.
Also what young men and teens do doesn't mean they carry on through their life's.

Your brothers are still doing it? Or would it be weird to ask.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 17:35

Why are you sniggering Op? Are you 12?

SummerGems · 04/12/2018 17:36

Am wondering why some are so keen to point out that all men who say no are lying, even to the point this thread was apparently started to have a laugh at men who are clearly lying about watching porn and the wives who believe them.

So what’s this really about? Is it that if you tell yourselves that all men watch it and that the wives who think they don’t are deluded you don’t have to admit to yourself that your husband is possibly into some pretty depraved stuff? That if you say all men watch porn you can normalise the fact that your husband (or in fact you) watch young women often being exploited in the name of pornography and entertainment?

After all, if you’re quite comfortable with your husband’s porn use or indeed your own then you don’t need to convince anyone else that everyone does it and is lying about it do you?

The “all men are lying” insistence says a lot more about the person doing the insisting than it does about the women who believe their husbands or even the men who don’t watch porn. Think about that for a moment.

Needadvice101 · 04/12/2018 17:37

Honestly I recently read an article about a man in his 60s being caught watching it at a library so nothing seizes to amaze.... ladies he probably does watch it!

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 17:42

Need I would t normally correct someone but it's ceases not seizes, it could be your device being an autocorrect dickhead though.

I've made comments that mine doesn't. If you're insistent he does and I'm being naive then I'd love to know where and when he's watching it.

SummerGems · 04/12/2018 17:48

Well, I recently read an article about housewives working on sex chat lines during the day. Doesn’t mean all women are doing it though does it? Hmm.

And really, this belittling of women who know that their husbands don’t watch it is really rather unpleasant.

HJWT · 04/12/2018 17:58

NO! He doesn't and it actually annoys me 😂😂😂 when I was pregnant towards the end I was like please just watch it and see if it helps (I was to exhausted for sex) but he didn't like it said it's all just fake so doesn't do anything for him....

wrenika · 04/12/2018 18:20

Yep, he does, and so do I. Not together but we do show each other the cheesy/gross/novel gems you may stumble across. Neither of us are bothered about what the other watches.

ChodeofChodeHall · 04/12/2018 18:33

Yes, he does, and so do I: sometimes we watch it together.

Pebblespony · 04/12/2018 18:34

I don't think my DH does. I certainly do though.

Pinkprincess1978 · 04/12/2018 18:38

He used to, I don't think he does anymore or not often. It doesn't bother me either way but I wouldn't like it if it was a lot or if he was watching it while in the room with me but secretly then I probably would mind.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 04/12/2018 18:38

Last time one of these threads came up i had a massive row (for us) with dp

I said that he would find it hard to do with out me knowing in that he could only do it at work or on a computer that i dont know about and i thought that would be hard

A poster vehemently disagreed with me

And dh sided with the other poster Shock

Apparently although he doesnt look at porn it would be easy enough to do if he wanted to with out me knowing

HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 18:39

And really, this belittling of women who know that their husbands don’t watch it is really rather unpleasant.

These threads always go this way, don't they? From the OP's sniggering, I presume that was the intention...

RomanyRoots · 04/12/2018 18:40

I think a lot of men who previously watched porn are deciding not to now, especially the mainstream stuff, it's so boring and samey.

Even though we watch it I have to agree with pps who say their oh's don't they are right to believe them, who are we to say they are being lied to. However, there are those men who do watch and keep it secret from their oh's.

It's a bit like the faithful question, who would admit to being unfaithful.
Most women trust their partners but many would be ill advised.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 04/12/2018 18:41

Nicely put romany

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 18:43

It's the insistence that men are 'wired' a certain way that really irritates me. Can you imagine the response if someone was claiming women were poor drivers or nag about housework.... but it's not their fault - they're just wired that way 🙄

cigarettessuffragettesandboys · 04/12/2018 18:51

There are a lot of posts insisting that men who say they don’t watch porn are lying. I’m pretty sure this attitude is to make them feel better about the fact that their own partners watch porn as saying all men do it excuses it for them. It’s probably something that niggles a lot of people deep down - it would certainly bother me a bit.

Chardeemacdennis1 · 04/12/2018 18:52

I belive my dh when he says he doesn't watch it because he has no reason to lie. There is no judgment from me and no shame on his part. Plus he's told me much more embarrassing things which tbh I'd rather I didn't know.

If you assume all men either watch or it are lying, then it's says more about your relationships with men and what sort of men are in your lives then it does about all men in general.

Oh and OP I also have a brother, he watched porn when we were younger. I have no idea if he watches it now and that has no bearing on what the rest of the men in the world do.

CaptainBrickbeard · 04/12/2018 19:02

People who say all men watch it, is there anything else you say all men do or don’t do? What about women?

  • All men like football?
  • All men drink beer?
  • All women are better at cleaning?

Are any of those true? Do you have any other examples of things which are true for all members of one sex?

Pornography is destroying sex for a lot of young women. Another thread on here have a depressing insight into the number of women who thought blow jobs are an expected part of every sexual encounter but a man giving oral sex to a woman was pretty much unheard of.

Record numbers of young women are going to hospital with injuries caused by anal sex - unarguably influences by the pornography that depicts it as a rough, unlubricated experience which is accepted as completely normal. Female pleasure and enjoyment of sex which finally seemed like it becoming recognised and important is now being totally sidelined by a misogynistic, violent depiction of sex all over the internet. Just reading a list of titles on major porn sites will show the most popular topics are underage-looking girls, incest and gang bangs.

I believe that there are decent men in the world who find that as revolting as anyone else with a conscience and taste.

DorothyLNaySayers · 04/12/2018 19:16

I have two brothers and I’m very happy to say that I know absolutely zilch about their porn-watching (or not) habits. I find it very disturbing that you do. Hmm

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