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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 04/12/2018 13:40

@glamglamgirl I agreed that it is normal but I can't say I think it's healthy.

HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 13:48

Obviously a few women like to bury their head in the sand but deep down they know their OH will watch porn given half the chance lol.

So why did you ask the question, OP? Just so you could lol at us poor naïve fools who believe that our husbands don't watch porn.
For what it's worth, mine doesn't and I also know for sure he doesn't.
To the pp who said all his friends watch porn and therefore the fact that 50% of men on Mumsnet don't must mean they're just lying to their wives, do you not understand anything about demographics? If you are the type of bloke who watches a lot of porn and discusses it with his mates then, yes, you are more likely to have a lot of friends who watch porn.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 04/12/2018 13:52

The 3/4th stat is only for one age group, the data as presented in their source openly states that it varies widely across age (older age groups stating less usage which matches what some have said just in this thread) and sexuality as well as by sex. The Independence's reporting on that... is about as bad as newspaper reporting generally is for covering science or statistics.

My spouse and I used to watch porn in the early years of our relationship (and before) both together and separately but it was a never big part of our lives and as time has gone on, we gradually stopped several years ago. Between the many reports and issues with what is going on behind the scenes and with many of the distributors and simply seeing little that involves sex either of us would want, it really lost appeal for us. We still read smut/'erotica', but generally, have moved on to other things we enjoy more. I don't see how that's so odd or why I should assume my spouse would lie to me about what he enjoys.

I'm not sure if I find the idea that all men must watch porn and would lie about it to their partners or that all men discuss their porn habits honestly with their friends more weird. Is it thought that men would only lie to their partners or to women but not their friends or other men? That doesn't suggest a very high opinion of a rather large part of the population.

DaffydownClock · 04/12/2018 13:56

Porn desensitises men, intimacy goes and any romance is obliterated. Increasingly extreme porn is needed to gain satisfaction to the detriment of love in my experience.
Bitter moi? You bet.

LokiBear · 04/12/2018 13:56

It isnt normal or healthy. It is dangerous and counterproductive to equality. Porn is fake; it tells a false story about what real sex is. Women in porn are objects - they never say no, never get pregnant and worship the penis whilst their own sexual needs and wants are ignored. Men in porn are souless, A-moral life support systems for an erect penis. There is no intimacy in porn, no love or connection. Men who watch porn do so because it is an easy way of ensuring the pleasure centers of the brain are stimulated. It is a quick, visual stimulation. No imagination needed. When their pleasure centres are stimulated, it gives then a rush, relaxes them etc. They do not even need to ejaculate in order to 'feel better' after watching it. Porn films show everything from sex with girls who are labeled as underage, to violent sex, to multiple men on one woman. Firstly, do you think someome who is turned on by watching violent sex scenes is going to realise that sexual violence is wrong after watching hundreds of videos that show it? Or do you think it will normalise his urges? Do you thing young boys, watching women have multiple men ejactulate all over her naked body, whilst she apparently enjoys it, will grow up understanding that the actress was paid more money than her male counterparts in order to agree to perform that scene, or do you think they might expect their sexual partner to allow them to do the same and then feel hard done by if the girl says no? Porn is a lie. A dangerous one. It is not and should never be a normal part of sex.

jaseyraex · 04/12/2018 14:10

Same as you over here LokiBear. DH doesn't watch anymore as he was addicted and it ruined our sex life and almost our marriage. Hasn't watched any in almost 2 years. He still attends SAA meetings and is part of a twelve step programme. I think a lot of people are addicted and don't realise it as it has become so "normal" to watch it.

19lottie82 · 04/12/2018 14:17

I wouldn’t say ALL men do but going by all the posters that claim their partners never watch it, I think a lot of them are being quite naive.

HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 14:20

Based on what, Lottie? Do you know us?

Prisonbreak · 04/12/2018 14:21

He does on occasion. Doesn’t bother me as I do on occasion haha

Dangerousplan · 04/12/2018 14:21

No he doesn't have any interest. He prefers football!

bakingdemon · 04/12/2018 14:27

No and it would really upset me if I found that he was.

Frosty66611 · 04/12/2018 14:29

For those who say their partners NEVER watch it - just curious how you know for a 100% fact. Do you see what they are looking at on their phones 24/7 or do you just believe what they are telling you and have trust in them?

RomanyRoots · 04/12/2018 14:31

I know plenty of men who don't watch porn, or have tried when younger and don't anymore.
Both me and dh watch very occasionally, but prefer the vintage stuff, rather than porn sites.

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 14:37

*BertrandRussell

Mine doesn’t. Because he is an adult, and has no desire to get his rocks off watching exploited, possibly trafficked women having marginally consensual sex.*

That's your opinion not his though.

Also because he is an adult he doesn't want to get his rocks off?

Ok then 🤭

OP posts:
Branleuse · 04/12/2018 14:38

Im pretty sure he does, as we used to watch it together. I used to be all for it in a libfem sex positive kind of way, but i am a lot more against it these days. Ive tried to discuss it as he seems to be pretty on board with most feminist stuff I talk about, but he still has that stupid view about the happy hooker myth, and it being some womens choice. I just cant be arsed to argue about it. I presume he sometimes watches in private. I also feel that I can control what I do, but his wanking habits are not my business, unless I was being neglected or affected by it

RomanyRoots · 04/12/2018 14:39

Bert

Does your dh watch it?

HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 14:48

To answer your question partly, Frosty, DH is pretty much a technophobe. He doesn't have a smartphone and he only uses the internet either at work or on my laptop. More importantly we live in his workplace and they are our internet provider. The filters are fairly hardcore, even for staff. I wouldn't think he did though even if it weren't practically impossible - I don't think there's any need for the sneering from some posters at women who trust their husbands.

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 14:53

I'd probably be worried if he didn't watch porn haha it'd mean he's gone off sex Confused

OP posts:
HostaFireAndIce · 04/12/2018 14:56

I repeat, OP, why did you ask the question?

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 15:01

Frosty I have unlimited access to all his phones, laptops and tablets should I want to use one of them rather than fetch my own. He has nothing to hide so we go on trust. I have no need to question it, he knows my views on porn.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 15:03

I'd probably be worried if he didn't watch porn haha it'd mean he's gone off sex Confused

What a strange thing to say.

Original poster
glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 15:04

It was a light hearted question where we could all giggle about the men who say they don't watch porn. I thought that was obvious Confused

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 04/12/2018 15:08

I have unlimited access to all his phones, laptops and tablets should I want to use one of them rather than fetch my own. He has nothing to hide so we go on trust. I have no need to question it, he knows my views on porn.

I'm not saying I think your partner does watch it, but having access to his tech means nothing. Surely everyone who watches uses private browsing?

XJerseyGirlX · 04/12/2018 15:13

We both do on occasion, we are In a long distance relationship and only see each other on weekends (two years of this so far)
Lots of sex when we are together but as long as it doesn't impact the sex we have together it doesn't bother me one bit. Sometimes he even send me porn he knows I will like lol

WinklemansFringe · 04/12/2018 15:20

Can't you all see how ridiculous this thread is?

"Nope my DH doesn't , he thinks it's disgusting " means he probably watches it in the bogs in work.

OK, there will be SOME men who genuinely do watch it, but I would wager every last penny that at least half of the ' DH's/partners' mentioned on this thread that 'definitely' don't watch it...really do.