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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if your DH watches porn?

216 replies

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 07:50

Do you think he does? Does he admit it? My man reckons he doesn't but deep down we both know it's a lie!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 04/12/2018 10:11

Mine doesn’t. Because he is an adult, and has no desire to get his rocks off watching exploited, possibly trafficked women having marginally consensual sex.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 04/12/2018 10:14

My DH had a lot of videos and magazines when we first met, and it never bothered me. Until we had our DC. Then I got really pissed off about it.... he had a box of it in the loft next to our DC's toys/clothes. I took the whole lot next to the recycling centre, which really pissed him off but I told him my feelings and said if he wanted it that badly, he needed to live in his own place.

I can't control him watching it, but I can control having it my home. Having said that, what he did watch was very tame by standards today, it wasn't distributed so easily and had to be bought under the counter. I think it's too readily available for men these days and certainly contributes towards sexual crime. The internet is a wonder in many ways but not in this way. Especially some of the darker stuff.

IACGMOOH · 04/12/2018 10:14

Mine doesn't, we tried watching it together but we were put off by it.

MidnightAura · 04/12/2018 10:15

My DH doesn’t.

MamaDane · 04/12/2018 10:19

DP and I both do occasionally. (we're both women though)

keely71 · 04/12/2018 10:21

Yes he does.
Not bothered at all.

HiMyFellowAmoebans · 04/12/2018 10:21

Mine doesnt watch porn but he does like looking at young ladies in bikinis and yes, it bothers me, they are are perfect, young and gorgoeus and i am not, so I dont believe him somehow when he says he loves me and I am gorgoeus. makes me feel very inadequate

keely71 · 04/12/2018 10:24

HiMyFellowAmoebans
Your dh would still look at attractive young women in bikinis even if you were drop dead gorgeous & 19! Grin
It’s normal.
Do you never look at attractive men?

HiMyFellowAmoebans · 04/12/2018 10:25

no, I dont, there are no attractive men where I live! I never find anyone attractiveConfused

ChocolateStash · 04/12/2018 10:28

Saying 'all men watch X' is like saying 'all men cheat' or 'all men like sport'. Huge generalisation and not totally accurate. Same as some women watch it, I don't see the appeal myself.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 04/12/2018 10:30

I still remember, about 5 years ago, there was a news report about someone trying to do a study on how porn changes men. The researchers couldn't find any participants and the study was dropped. That says it all. They probably won't tell you they watch it, but they do.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 04/12/2018 10:33

2009, a little longer ago than I thought and the study was adapted rather than dropped. all men have seen porn

Limensoda · 04/12/2018 10:38

Mine has in the past but he says as he got older he found it ridiculous so doesn't now.

SpoonBlender · 04/12/2018 10:40

We both do. Fortunately DP is into sex-positive stuff, Erika Lust and MakeLoveNotPorn and Abby Winters are all great.

We're both revolted by the gung-ho American/eastern european plastic people and misogyny porn, both by what's on screen and the horror stories of the people involved.

peachgreen · 04/12/2018 10:44

No. He used to and found it was negatively affecting his sex life so he quit. I suspect he misses it sometimes but the dramatic change in the quality of our sex life was more than worth it. I used to be a "cool girlfriend" but having seen what a difference it made to him and to us, plus having learned more about the industry, I'm now very anti-porn.

chillpizza · 04/12/2018 10:50

I don’t know. He claims he doesn’t but I’ve never checked or caught him. If he dies it would be at work or when I’m asleep. We watched it maybe once or twice when we where younger but they was by me insigating it. As a teenager he says he watched a lot. Maybe his all porned out Grin

Slothslothsloth · 04/12/2018 10:51

To those saying “all men watch it”, do you believe men are capable of making decisions based on their principles on other matters? E.g. do you believe some men really are vegetarian on principle, or are all “vegetarian” men lying about it?

If you believe men can make decisions based on their principles, why not on porn? Is it really so impossible to believe that some men are opposed to porn for whatever reason, and have therefore made a principled decision not to watch it?

Growingboys · 04/12/2018 11:15

No

Megan2018 · 04/12/2018 11:19

We are very open about porn. He uses it, I use it - we sometimes use it together. I have no issue with it all all.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 04/12/2018 11:30

No mine doesn't, he knows my views on the industry.

Oysterbabe · 04/12/2018 11:37

I've honestly never asked and have no interest in knowing. I've never been someone who needs to know every little thing about a partner.

ExplodedPeach · 04/12/2018 11:59

@LonelyandTiredandLow
I still remember, about 5 years ago, there was a news report about someone trying to do a study on how porn changes men. The researchers couldn't find any participants and the study was dropped. That says it all. They probably won't tell you they watch it, but they do.

The study was looking for young men who had never seen porn.
There's quite a difference between a man who has never seen porn, and a man who doesn't watch it.

Never mind the fact that there are likely many men who don't watch porn and also wouldn't want to engage with a scientific study about the habits of people who watch porn Hmm

MemoryOfSleep · 04/12/2018 12:14

Nope. Wouldn't bother me if he did, and a couple of my exs did, but no.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/12/2018 12:14

No mine doesn't.

MemoryOfSleep · 04/12/2018 12:18

I also think it's stereotyping and prejudiced to say 'all men do...'. As bad as claiming that all women love to shop/adore shoes/ want babies. Why must we put people in boxes? Aren't men as individual as women?