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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP letting DD go near his genital area

211 replies

BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:15

I feel really bad for making a thing out of this and I know I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill. Best be safe than sorry though.

I have been with DP for 2 years and DD was conceived within 2 months of me dating him, and within 1 year of me knowing him. I got pregnant due to a contraceptive fail.

DD always runs to DP with open arms and DP is very guilty of 'man-spreading'. Sometimes her head lands in his genital area and he will make no effort to remove her head. I've quickly had to move my hand in front of her face before because she was going in to kiss his genital area and DP (fully aware of what DD was doing) made no effort to remove her or lift her up so she could kiss his face.

When I speak to him about it and I say it's really not appropriate to let DD go near his genitals with her hands or face, he just shrugs it off and jokes around. He jokes about the size of his manhood saying 'well I don't have much there anyway'.

Am I right in being concerned or am I really making a mountain out of a molehill? Not exactly the type of stuff I want to post on Mumsnet but I can't stop worrying about this.

OP posts:
Perch · 26/11/2018 12:16

🙄 really...

Original poster
BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:17

Well yes really

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:19

I'm not trolling, this isn't some kind of a reverse or whatever. I'm genuinely looking for advice. I'm prepared to be flamed for this but I do need advice.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 26/11/2018 12:19

He is the dad and clothed correct?

MynameisJune · 26/11/2018 12:19

Ffs this wouldn’t even occur to me 🙄

Nicknacky · 26/11/2018 12:20

Goodness me. Do you move her when she cuddles you and her head is near your crotch?

WinkysTeatowel · 26/11/2018 12:21

I might have an issue with it if he was naked but assuming not then I think you are massively over reacting.

Original poster
BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:21

He is in his boxer shorts when this happens and she does cuddle me like this too but I never letter her kiss this area like she was going to do with him

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 26/11/2018 12:21

You're sexualising something that isn't sexual.

Dahlietta · 26/11/2018 12:21

Toddlers spend a lot of time with their heads at crotch level. It's to do with their height. She'll be fine when she's taller and she won't be scarred.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/11/2018 12:22

What is your concern? Do you think he has ulterior motives? I don't think it's right that he doesn't move her away, it is inappropriate. We should be teaching out children that certain areas are private, what's acceptable and not appropriate.

ThatOneHurt · 26/11/2018 12:22

It's probably just trousers there.
I don't expect his genitals are actually in that part.

Usually when a toddler is running towards testicals the man flinches and stops them because it hurts.
I know exactly what you mean about the toddler running, arms open and man spreading becaus my kids did the same.
But I believe you're thinking too much into it.

RedSkyLastNight · 26/11/2018 12:22

If she was 12 this would be inappropriate.
Very young toddler, really not so much. Does your DD never (for example) put her head on your breasts?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/11/2018 12:22

Why is he sitting around in his boxer shorts in the middle of winter when he has a child who is prone to coming up to him and putting her head in his crotch?

Perch · 26/11/2018 12:22

Well unless you have other issues/context i think its a huge overreaction! Not every man is a peadophile ffs, presumably this is your partner who you love and trust? Its like some women having a problem with breastfeeding their sons. Sex isn’t around every corner you know. That said, it depends on other behaviour and context, which only you will know about. But in isolation, i would say a huge overreaction!

Original poster
BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:22

I was sexually abused as a child myself, I have to admit I'm overly cautious

OP posts:
Mumof4under10 · 26/11/2018 12:22

Imo you are making a mountain out of a molehill. He is her dad. Do you think about where her head might be when cuddling you..?

ThatOneHurt · 26/11/2018 12:23

So now you're saying that she kisss his penis through his boxer shorts?

twoheaped · 26/11/2018 12:23

My dd's spent quite a long time with their faces buried in my crotch, you know, because they were shy and happened to be crotch height at the time Hmm

SoupDragon · 26/11/2018 12:23

You're making a mountain out of a molehill

Nicknacky · 26/11/2018 12:23

Why do you think she is going to kiss him?

Armchairanarchist · 26/11/2018 12:24

He's fully dressed and acted completely innocently. This is a non-event.

ems137 · 26/11/2018 12:25

Clothed? Not really a problem for me with the head or accidental touching but I always say to my toddlers "we don't touch other people's willies or bums". That's just the language we use in our house I know a lot of people prefer either different terms or the correct terminology.

I wouldn't ever allow them to kiss or touch mine or anyone else's genitals without clothes. I even tell my 15 month old "we don't touch other people's willies/tushes". It's unhygienic and inappropriate. I really think your DP needs to back you up here. My worry would be that DD won't understand boundaries and what if someone sinister asks her or just gets her to touch their genitals? She won't know that it's not ok

Original poster
BlueRose28 · 26/11/2018 12:26

She goes to kiss that area while he is in just boxer shorts. The whole ordeal makes me very uncomfortable because he makes no attempt to move her. I was abused as a child by my own father so I am very cautious of her. I've PND and have been assaulted in my adulthood as well. I'm in therapy. I'm not sexualising everything to do with her, maybe what happened to me as a child has influenced my way of thinking but I don't think it's appropriate for him to let her go near this area at all

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 26/11/2018 12:26

It wouldn't have occurred to me to be worried either but I don't think the OP deserves a flaming. She asked if she needs to be worried, the general consensus is no. Hopefully the OP is reassured. If her Spidey senses are still tingling then that casts a different light on it but she's the best judge of that.