To remove my coil and not tell dh?

[tinatantrum]

it came out today and I've not said a word!

[Pixiefish]

Sorry but why ask for opinions and then- just becasue you don't like the ansers- you get upset and turn on the posters.

My opinion is that its unreasonable to 'trap' a man- also unfair on the child.

I was in a similar position in that my dh didn't want another child and I desperately did. We talked and talked and talked and in the end he realised how much it meant to me and changed his mind. Talking about it is the reasonable thing to do and if you can't accept his decision then you have to think of another avenue- ie do you love him enough to stay with him without a second child- only you can answer that.

I realise that you have told him now so the ball is in his court which is the correct thing to do.

How would you feel if he took away your right to decide on something- just because you don't agree with him he went and did it anyway- I know that I would go ballistic if my dh did that to me.

[tinatantrum]

There is no point. I am on the wrong web site your right. I feel very sorry that a few of you are just so cruel, just because mn is about freedom of opinion and speech it does not mean that respect, empathy and boring old niceness should be ignored.

[lou33]

but tina, telling someone to fuck off isnt exactly respectful or nice either is it?

[Pixiefish]

Don't ask for opinions on something if you're not prepared for answers you don't like

[lou33]

lol fio

[colditz]

Oh for God's sake, piss off and join Bounty then. You posed a question. You can't filter answers.

I only gave an opinion. In my further opinion it is spoilt and brattish to shriek about cold hearted bitched just because their opinion doesn't coincide with what you want to do.

Shall I give you what you clearly want to hear?

"I am sure that even though he says he only ever wants one child, he won't be bitter and resentful at being the father of two, and I am sure that deliberately having a baby in the full knowledge that the other parent doesn't want it is a right and moral thing to do"

PARP

[colditz]

Differing opinions are not the same as cruelty, tina, but yes, I AM feeling a bit fucking cruel now, passive aggressive whining sometimes has that affect on me.

[lou33]

sorry but i did laugh at joining bounty

tho it has made me want choclate now

[ekra]

Tina - I am sorry you find yourself with this dilemma.

Could you try speaking to DH again and arm yourself with a list of positives to having another child? A friend of mine did this when her DH was adamant that he could not go through the baby stage again. She appealed for help in compiling the list and it ended up very long indeed. She managed to convince him.

Perhaps arm yourself with some answers to his negatives too.

[Aloha]

I think you've done the right thing Tina. I think any man who expects his partner, who WANTS a baby to take responsibility for preventing that child being concieved is unreasonable to the point of cruelty. When I desperately wanted another child, I made it quite clear to dh (who like yours, was shellshocked by the horror of a non-sleeper) that I was not going to torment myself by taking the pill every day to prevent it. IMO if a man knows his long term partner/wife is not using contraception and wants a baby, and he has sex without a condom, then he is fully participating in trying for a baby.
She's not lying to him or deceiving him in any way, and I think some of the posts here have been both harsh and rude.
I conceived very quickly btw, and dd is now two and utterly scrumptious in every way.

[Aloha]

Anyone would think this man was some kind of idiot child. He is perfectly capable of realising the consequences of his actions. If he really doesn't want a child he can do something about it. Tina is not his mother. She does not have to protect him from the consequences of his actions.
Lots of men prefer actions to words anyway. My dh's way of saying 'yes, let's have another baby' was to ditch contraception'.

[lou33]

Aloha, two?!!!!


that's flown bye!

[colditz]

She hasn't deceived her husband, I know. But she called me a cold hearted bitch and told me to fuck off.

And sometimes I get fed up with keeping my temper on threads, and decide to have my own spoilt brattish tantrum.

[BrothelSprouts]

I'm glad you've discussed this with your DH, Tina.

[elesbells]

OH DEAR! its off! tina, i understand that desperate need for a baby (i had two and tried for 15 years for my dd3) you have done the right thing telling him the coil is gone and it was good advice to let him be responsible for contraception if he is the one that doesnt want another child. trapping a man is never the right thing to do it backfires most of the time! however, i feel you will loose most of the sympathy that you have gained here by swearing at posters who disagree with you. not everyone will agree....thats why this is a open forum...you asked for opions on the 'am i being unreasonable thread' afterall! i wish you luck

[Aloha]

Well, to be fair, she's been pretty much heaped with abuse, and she said that it had made her cry.
I think this has been a bit of a pitchforks thread.
She's told him. Ball's in his court.

[giddy1]

Message deleted

[Aloha]

Yes, Lou - absolutely flown by - ah, but she's so lovely. Just gorgeous. Actually she's nearly two and a half.
Dh never said, 'let's have a another baby' - he's from Yorkshire! We just made one. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words.

[Soph73]

Lou - I have some fruit & nut on my desk

to mildmanneredjanitor & fio.

I think you´ll find Tina that even on other sites you´ll come across like-minded people - some for you & some against, that´s just the way of the world. Life changing decisions will never be easy and at least you can now have completely honest conversations with your DH about whether or not to have more children.

[lou33]

blimey aloha i cant believe it

lol @ fruit and nut, talcy just gave me a virtual bounty on another thread

at this rate i might have to go search out some irl