To remove my coil and not tell dh?

[tinatantrum]

it came out today and I've not said a word!

[BrothelSprouts]

Perhaps you need to accept that he might never want another child.
But if you discuss it with him, you may reach a compromise.
Tricking him into another pregnancy would be unfair, and might well be disastrous for your relationship.

[tinatantrum]

We discussed having a family unfortuately ds didn't sleep longer than 2hrs at a time for the first 10 months then not much better after that and dh doesn't want to go through it again. For me a family has always been 2 I never ever thought I'd have an only child and I'm very upset about it. Everytime we discuss it I cry and there is no compromise.

[octo]

There is a difference between getting pregnant by accident and on purpose.

[goodasgold]

You alone can judge the situation, for some people this would be a huge issue of trust, others would be glad to have the children with no blame laid at their door.
Good luck!
Let us know what comes of it.
Bit jealous would love another baby any time NOW.

[tinatantrum]

So the only right thing to do is not have another child even though I ache to have one.

[tinatantrum]

I know deep down whats right but right is making me miserable and I don't think right is right iykwim. My lo having a brother and sister is right in my mind. Dh is wrong to withhold that.

[flibbertyjibbet]

I don't think its right at any time to force a child on to someone who doesn't want another.
Is your nickname a clue, that you must always have your own way? Even if it means being deceitful?
Bear in mind that if you get pregnant again it will come out at some point that the coil was not there - and then where will you be. Do you want a husband who doesn't trust you?

[BrothelSprouts]

I suppose it then comes down to whether you believe that your ache to have another child should take precedent over your DH's decision not to.
And only you and he can decide that.

[Wotz]

Coil is normally 99% effective. You need to talk to him.
Sorry that you are in this position.

[tinatantrum]

I want a husband who love me enough to let me have another child whatever but I haven't got that

[Wotz]

Then that is a shame you didn't talk about this before you married him. He will easily know that you have lied to him when/if you get pregnant as the chances are so slim. and there will always be doubt in his mind. Is that right?

[talcy0]

I sympathise with you....and sometimes there is no compromise......one of you will not get what they want.

Maybe in time he may reconsider?
Tricking him will lead to resentment


I have felt like you do now

[tinatantrum]

God I wouldn't pretend it was an accident I would tell him what I have done and why.

[tinatantrum]

What did you do talcy

[ShinyNewShoes]

But presumably your DH wants a wife who loves him enough not to trick him into a baby he doesn't want? Sorry if that sounds judgemental, I do sympathise in that obviously it's impossible to compromise about another baby - they're not available in half-portions! - but I'm a bit at your attitude to it.

[AbRoller]

Oh Tina, don't do that. Tell him.
I have longed for another baby for over a year but dp not ready. I could have done what you are considering but I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt having deceived him.

It's not easy but being dishonest to that degree is cruel. I was advised by some lovely Mners to give it time and see how the land lies a little later, 6months or a year - I'd offer you that same advice.

Hope things work out for all of you.

[agnesnitt]

You are being very unreasonable. To purposefully get pregnant through deceit to get your own way is a very immature and indefensible way of getting 'round an argument.

Your partner has a right to know that you are no longer protected, just as he has a right to not want any more children. Just because you disagree with him doesn't mean you have a right to make the decision without him. Behave like an adult and have the conversation you need to have without waterworks if you can manage it.

To be quite frank you sound very spoilt and selfish.


Agnes

[talcy0]

Had my two daughters very close together.
4 years on was desperate for another (guess i wanted a boy)

He said NO

I spent 3 years begging/trying to compromise

He said No

Spen more time considering my options...leaving...new partner...etc

Came down to me making choices last year....

Chose to accept his wishes....to be content.......maybe one day he'll suprise me???
was very hard to accept...especially when driven by hormones!!!!

[tinatantrum]

I don't think I can accept and be content. I too have thought about new partner but It's not an option I love dh.

[talcy0]

tis very sad....it helps to refocus for a while....like AbRoller suggested....give it 6 months. Perhaps dh will think differently then?

[lemonaid]

Not telling him, you are being unreasonable.

Reasonable to tell him that as you want another and he doesn't, birth control will now be his responsibility (well, spinning it out more than that and making it more of a discussion, but with that as the basic message). If it's him who doesn't want a second DC I don't think it's your responsibility to put up with the side-effects of contraception.

[talcy0]

Was awful and there was a lot of anger and resentment......had to focus on dds.

[AbRoller]

But if he doesn't want one as much as you do want one then what you are considering is equivalent(sp?) to him saying 'ok' but having the snip unbeknown to you and making a fool of you

I really think to 'trap' him would be unfair, sorry.

[ShinyNewShoes]

Agree with lemonaid that it would be fine to make contraception his responsibility now.