To remove my coil and not tell dh?

[tinatantrum]

it came out today and I've not said a word!

[hydrophobia]

I am ignorant about these things but someone told me coils have strings or wires sticking out - wouldn't he notice

[alicet]

Tina I'm sorry your dh doesn't share your desire for another child. And well done for doing the right thing and telling him - now if you do get pregnant it will be both of you choosing this.

But I have to say that if in your discussions with him about having another baby you act in as childish a manner as you have on here with those who disagreed with you (and actually I think there were far more that were supportive even when you were blatantly rude!) I'm not surprised you haven't managed to win him round!

[warthog]

well done for telling him. you did the right thing.

i hope you can come to an agreement that makes you both happy.

[agnesnitt]

Nice to see you took the adult road and told your husband you're now unprotected.

Hope you come to a compromise that suits you both.


Agnes

[Blu]

Tina - unfortunately, the way you started the thread didn't reflect the difficult position you are in....and once a thread gets long, it's easy for people to miss posts like the one where you explain that you have told your DH.

Good luck - I do hope that your DH will change his mind.

Lots of people are put off by a difficult first exoerience, for some the second baby is quite simply different - all babies are very different in termperament and habit, and for some, experience tells them to take action sooner and find a way to tackle the problem. In fact, Aloha is one of those and having had a v sleepless time first, which, as she says, frightened her DH, she found a sleep-expert who helped her tackle it when Baby2 started to shjow insomniac tendenceis!

Tell you dh that experience counts, when bringing up babies!

[flightattendant]

I can truly sympathise and it's an impossible place to be in...neither of you wants to compromise but you already have a child and love each other, so can't split up over it.
One of you will have to defer to the other, whatever.
I think I see what you're saying, ie if it appears to be an accident he might be Ok with it and will have to accept it...but then you'll have deceit at the heart of the relationship.
If you told him what you'd done, he would doubtless be absolutely furious and possibly never trust you again. Please believe me, this will be a Very Bad Thing. I half-deceived/failed to mention that sex wasn't 'safe' one night when my DS1's dad was extremely drunk...I was angry with him because he was using me and I wanted something to change, it was stupid and immature and although he continued to use me for the next 2 years (baby and all) he eventually left and it was never the same even before he left.
I have my child but it's bittersweet and he never sees his dad. I just want to warn you really that this could so screw things up...to be hated by a man you love is a very high priceto pay, trust me, I've never ever loved another like I loved him, and that's all ruined...probably would have gone tits up anyway as he was using me (with someone else at the time) but I feel to blame.
I hope you can negotiate wth DH, I really do.
{{{hugs}}}

[belgo]

Tina - I'm glad you've told your dh. I hope he comes around to wanting another baby.

Of course it's not right to trick someone into having a baby .....but sometimes, it's understandable. The desire to have another child is so strong, it's painful.

[ELF1981]

I dont think my post was harsh, and I posted BEFORE she'd told her DH and before she'd explained WHY she'd had the coil taken out. The OP made it more of a "had it taken out to get pregnant" rather than "had it taken out because its causing problems" situation.

[GreebosWhiskers]

Just read the whole thread. At first I thought the OP was being unreasonable - just look at the thread title. Since you've now told him Tina you are no longer being unreasonable to your dh - if he's the one who doesn't want more kids then he should take responsibility for the contraception. DH and I did this & thanks to dh being a bit useless at putting on condoms we now have ds I do think you should have made it clear in your OP that the gp took out the coil for a vaild reason as it did sound like you took it out simply to trap your dh.

Your behaviour later on in the thread though is unreasonable. You must have known that not everyone would agree with you. I didn't see any posts containing personal attacks against you yet you started calling people cold-hearted bitches & telling them to eff-off. That took away any sympathy I had for you I'm afraid.

[NBuGgeration]

tina, as hard as it will be for you to do this, you need to seriously think about what it would be like for you to be made do something you didnt want to do.

What if it was you who didnt want another baby and your dh did and he stuck pins in all his condoms in the hope you'd get pregnant?

Its good that you told him. He knows now and can make a decision.
You never know, now its on his toes it might make him think a bit more about it.

[Soph73]

colditz - yep, we all have to "vent our spleen" sometimes (I´d prefer it without the f-word though, ) and this seems to be one of the best places to do it

[lou33]

blimey aloha i cant believe it

lol @ fruit and nut, talcy just gave me a virtual bounty on another thread

at this rate i might have to go search out some irl

[Soph73]

Lou - I have some fruit & nut on my desk

to mildmanneredjanitor & fio.

I think you´ll find Tina that even on other sites you´ll come across like-minded people - some for you & some against, that´s just the way of the world. Life changing decisions will never be easy and at least you can now have completely honest conversations with your DH about whether or not to have more children.

[Aloha]

Yes, Lou - absolutely flown by - ah, but she's so lovely. Just gorgeous. Actually she's nearly two and a half.
Dh never said, 'let's have a another baby' - he's from Yorkshire! We just made one. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words.

[giddy1]

Message deleted

[Aloha]

Well, to be fair, she's been pretty much heaped with abuse, and she said that it had made her cry.
I think this has been a bit of a pitchforks thread.
She's told him. Ball's in his court.

[elesbells]

OH DEAR! its off! tina, i understand that desperate need for a baby (i had two and tried for 15 years for my dd3) you have done the right thing telling him the coil is gone and it was good advice to let him be responsible for contraception if he is the one that doesnt want another child. trapping a man is never the right thing to do it backfires most of the time! however, i feel you will loose most of the sympathy that you have gained here by swearing at posters who disagree with you. not everyone will agree....thats why this is a open forum...you asked for opions on the 'am i being unreasonable thread' afterall! i wish you luck

[BrothelSprouts]

I'm glad you've discussed this with your DH, Tina.

[colditz]

She hasn't deceived her husband, I know. But she called me a cold hearted bitch and told me to fuck off.

And sometimes I get fed up with keeping my temper on threads, and decide to have my own spoilt brattish tantrum.

[lou33]

Aloha, two?!!!!


that's flown bye!

[Aloha]

Anyone would think this man was some kind of idiot child. He is perfectly capable of realising the consequences of his actions. If he really doesn't want a child he can do something about it. Tina is not his mother. She does not have to protect him from the consequences of his actions.
Lots of men prefer actions to words anyway. My dh's way of saying 'yes, let's have another baby' was to ditch contraception'.

[Aloha]

I think you've done the right thing Tina. I think any man who expects his partner, who WANTS a baby to take responsibility for preventing that child being concieved is unreasonable to the point of cruelty. When I desperately wanted another child, I made it quite clear to dh (who like yours, was shellshocked by the horror of a non-sleeper) that I was not going to torment myself by taking the pill every day to prevent it. IMO if a man knows his long term partner/wife is not using contraception and wants a baby, and he has sex without a condom, then he is fully participating in trying for a baby.
She's not lying to him or deceiving him in any way, and I think some of the posts here have been both harsh and rude.
I conceived very quickly btw, and dd is now two and utterly scrumptious in every way.