To think if you are invited for Christmas...

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

...you should give an answer in a timely fashion and not keep people waiting just in case a better offer comes along?

It’s so rude! We have invited my parents and MIL. My parents have said yes, MIL has said she’ll let us know. Fine. Except what she has told SIL is that she’d like to spend this Christmas with her dc. Obviously that’s no problem but why can’t she tell us no then?

The truth I think is that neither of them want to go to the trouble of hosting and they are waiting for Dh to offer to have them all here. SIL even called DH up and was clearly dropping hints which he deliberately didn’t pick up.

Just wanting to order and pay a deposit on our turkey soon so hoping MIL just get on with deciding.

Could you just text her and say that you’re putting in your turkey order now and just wanted to check if she was coming or not?

We have, lots. Dh is dealing with her and has told her this. I just think it’s rude regardless of practical arrangements to not give a straight answer.

Yep, I’d do what Elllicam said. It’s very rude of her to not let you know.

Oh I wonder if there's a tactful way to uninvite her. I'd be very tempted.

OP - it is extremely rude. I had an aunt and uncle like that, I would always invite them as they lived around the corner and I didn't like to think of them being alone. But they always hoped their daughter would invite them (sadly a rare occurrence ) so at times it was Christmas Eve before they confirmed yes or no.

Message your MiL all breezily saying we heard that you are spending Xmas with your daughter so will not factor you into our meal planning etc. See you on Boxing Day/whenever :)

Why can’t you have sil? Mil clearly doesn’t want to have to choose which child she spends the day with

Why isn't SIL invited, who is she spending the day with?

It might be that your Mil is torn between who she spends it with.

We don’t have room for more people. And there is one more sibling so we’d feel obliged to invite them and theirs too.

Just ask her, and be prepared to shut her down if she starts asking about SIL have a few bright and breezy ' not a problem if you want to go to SiL's, we'll just celebrate together another year' up your sleeve.

Just order your turkey, she’s only one person, it can’t make that much difference to what size you get?

Well it’s two as she has a partner but no it probably doesn’t make too much difference. As I said though, regardless of practical reasons to know, I just think she should give an answer.

God, don't set a precedent for inviting the whole rude clan and doing all the work.

Stick to your guns. Good thing your DH is on the same page.

I would be setting a deadline for a reply (you could make up any old crap about the deadline at the butcher's or whatever).

An invitation is given as a favour and your MIL should at least have the politeness to let you know one way or the other. If she wants Xmas with all her kids then she can invite them all to her own house.

Is just take it as a no, tbh

Ordering turkey tomorrow Mil, unlessbyou let us know we’ll just order what we need and see you another time.

Yabu. It's barely even November!

Are Turkeys suddenly some kind of endangered species that are so rare they'll be hard to get by Xmas?!!

It sounds like you're trying to bag the MIL by having her tied up at yours, leaving her other two children without her company.

She obviously feels uncomfortable at the thought of coming to yours leaving your SIL and other IL uninvited so either invite the whole lot or say to her it's fine she obviously doesn't want to commit just now but the offer is there.

It's 1st of November today. Your idea of a timely fashion is very different to mine – with 2 months to go I'd never dream someone was chomping at the bit for a firm response from me...maybe your MIL just doesn't know there's such a rush?

And since you say it doesn't actually have any practical bearing on anything, why IS there such a rush?

My MIL would say yes then if she got a better invitation take that. So rude.

Same here really - we have had a group message asking what everyone is doing and then SIL giving dates of when they are free - no-one else is offering to host! It is very obvious they are waiting for us to offer....and we probably will but I am a little bit narked if I am honest!

Haha wtf? Bagging the mother in law? Good god no! Just thought it was a nice thing to do. Unsure why she’d feel uncomfortable at us not being able to accommodate the whole clan... we don’t have room! She’s been to us before.

And normally I’d agree that it’s only bloody November but this is the family who start bugging me for Christmas lists in September/October (I started threads on it!) so they clearly don’t think it’s too early...

Or you could say that if she doesn't want to come then you'd like to invite [insert name of random obscure relative on your side] instead, so please could she kindly either piss or get off the pot?

Gives you a reason for needing a quick reply, and also sends a message about how many guests you feel able to accommodate.

(Of course your random obscure relative may not accept the invitation. Or you might forget to ask them. Or they might not actually exist...)

This is so common nowadays. Fear of a better offer. FOABO. Well rude.

Fantastic to hear of a dh that knows the score. I think you need to be blunt and say you need a yes/no answer by x date. A non answer will count as a no.

Ok, but, have you told her outright that you won't be inviting SIL and the others? Because they are probably waiting to hear about that before deciding.

I get it is annoying, but does one person make a big difference on the size of turkey?

Why can't your OH just text,
"Mum, I've been chasing an answer from you a few times & need one now. Georgie is putting in orders for Xmas food & supplies this sat, so we need an answer by Sat 12pm, if you & OH want to join us for Xmas lunch at ours. Can't leave it any later than that. Let us know before then if you want to take up our invitation. If not, no worries, we can spend Xmas together another year xx"

Voila. Done.