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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you are invited for Christmas...

215 replies

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/11/2018 19:47

...you should give an answer in a timely fashion and not keep people waiting just in case a better offer comes along?

It’s so rude! We have invited my parents and MIL. My parents have said yes, MIL has said she’ll let us know. Fine. Except what she has told SIL is that she’d like to spend this Christmas with her dc. Obviously that’s no problem but why can’t she tell us no then?

The truth I think is that neither of them want to go to the trouble of hosting and they are waiting for Dh to offer to have them all here. SIL even called DH up and was clearly dropping hints which he deliberately didn’t pick up.

Just wanting to order and pay a deposit on our turkey soon so hoping MIL just get on with deciding.

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 01/11/2018 23:43

I've already arranged hosting for Xmas 2019 so you're definitely not too early 

SpareASquare · 01/11/2018 23:54

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t do ‘if it happens, it happens’. That’s not me. I’ll crack up with the lack of certainty.

OP, have you or have you not followed up your initial invitation with a request to finalise? If you haven't, YOU are creating needless drama.
If you have, then you've given fair warning and can assume it is a no.

There really shouldn't be as much drama as you seem to be creating. "Hey MIL, we need to know NOW/by xxx date (whatever suits) and that's it. Job done. No need for any stress.

Jux · 02/11/2018 00:31

Can your dh contact her saying that he assumes she's not coming as you haven't heard from her, now. I don't think it would be U if he were to do so. You've waited nicely!

starfishmummy · 02/11/2018 00:34

It wouldn't even occur to me to issue invitations until December.
Maybe that's why we have a lovely Christmas on our own every year Grin

Tomatoesrock · 02/11/2018 00:38

It seems like she is waiting on you to invite SIL too.
Though I think it is very early for Christmas dinner arrangements. I won't know my working hours until mid month.

MrDonut · 02/11/2018 03:33

I think you should call SIL and ask her what her plans are for Christmas. Say you are really sorry you don't have the space to host them, but were worried about MIL and whether SIL was able to host her or not. I feel like poor MIL is caught in the middle of this a bit and hassling her more won't help. So, just figure it out with SIL, check MIL is ok with that and go ahead and order your turkey.

OrdinarySnowflake · 02/11/2018 06:32

NoKidsHere - side issue but yes, ocado have already released delivery slots for Christmas week, even if the late November aren't free yet. They have a little star by book delivery that takes you to Christmas week.

Alfie190 · 02/11/2018 06:41

To be honest I think you are being a bit rude by not inviting SIL. Either host or don’t host but don’t cut people out.

Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 06:42

spare the very first post and my answer tells you we (Dh) have.

I’m not getting involved in other people’s plans and making sure everyone has somewhere planned. They are all grown adults, married with children, they can arrange themselves. All I want to know is yes or no to our invitation. Dh is frustrated too, his family have form for being unable to give a straight answer.

Also those saying just assume she’s coming and cater for them, that’s not really fair on our dc to be expecting to see her only for a last minute no show, is it?

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 06:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

possumgoddess · 02/11/2018 06:55

Ladybee I have to know what my plans are for Christmas by June otherwise I can't book any Christmas leave, and quite frankly if I'm having a houseful I need extra time to prepare on top of the weekend before Christmas and after work. And I would definitely want to know specific numbers by now. Mind you, that doesn't mean I couldn't fit in an extra body if I did have family coming as I always over-cater!

Minniemountain · 02/11/2018 06:56

YANBU. It's rude to not reply to an invite in a timely fashion, regardless of who the invite is from.

The "it's too early for Christmas" crowd can bugger off too. When we spend Christmas with DF we book our train tickets 12 weeks before.

whistl · 02/11/2018 07:00

I don't think you are being rude not inviting SIL. She won't be on her own.
I think MIL is being rude by keeping you hanging on.

I would assume MIL is coming to you and SIL will keep hinting until she is told no.

MrDonut · 02/11/2018 07:09

I’m not getting involved in other people’s plans and making sure everyone has somewhere planned.

I sort of knew you'd say this. But, that's the problem, you either have the take the bull by the horns and get everyone sorted or you'll just have to keep waiting for an answer. It just is what it is. 🤷‍♀️

Holidayshopping · 02/11/2018 07:16

I can’t believe people are telling you that if you aren’t hosting everyone then not to bother!!!

I’d give her a date when you’ll be ordering the bigger turkey on and ask her to decide by then. Where does MIL usually go? What about SIL?

Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 07:18

And where does that stop? Do I sort out BIL, FIL, my brother? I’m not doing that. What about all their in laws? Nope!

OP posts:
Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 07:19

MIL usually comes to us, SIL usually goes to her in laws.

OP posts:
whistl · 02/11/2018 07:20

It is difficult to organise the in-laws. They'll say between themselves "Who does DB's wife think she is trying to organise us all?"

If SIL or MIL want everyone to spend Christmas together, then they can organise it, host it and pay for it and invite your DM too. That's what they are hinting at you to do.
If unwilling, then MIL can choose whether to accept the Christmas you are offering or not. If she wants to see everyone then she will just have to change house during the day.

notdaddycool · 02/11/2018 07:31

Everyone in our family has known whose going where which day for 2-3 weeks. As there are a few of us the parents broadly rotate year after year. When invited by a sibling I said I’d chat to the missus but got back within a day or so. It’s just being decent, yes they could cope with a last minute decision but it’s rude, Christmas is stressful for families.

Sparkletastic · 02/11/2018 07:34

I think quite a few posters are missing that OP's SIL has her own family - so another 4 people not 1 to expect the OP to accommodate plus MIL and her DP. OP I'd proceed on basis that they aren't coming and take the option away from them.

bubbles108 · 02/11/2018 07:35

Oh for goodness sake. Get DH to tell MIL that you've heard she's going to SILs so you'll see her some time after the 25th for tea and a catch up about presents etc

MrDonut · 02/11/2018 07:41

It's just one quick phone call to SIL to find out what's happening. It's hardly a huge deal. 🤷‍♀️

Oh, well. It's your life. Good luck!

Sowhatifidosnore · 02/11/2018 07:44

How much turkey does the woman eat??? Put more veg on if she does a last minute yes...

Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 07:45

Dh has spoken to SIL! Stop repeating yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/11/2018 07:48

Ahh this is boring now. You might all be happy with being someone’s back up plan, I’m not and I’d just like a simple yes or no.

OP posts: