To think if you are invited for Christmas...

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

...you should give an answer in a timely fashion and not keep people waiting just in case a better offer comes along?

It’s so rude! We have invited my parents and MIL. My parents have said yes, MIL has said she’ll let us know. Fine. Except what she has told SIL is that she’d like to spend this Christmas with her dc. Obviously that’s no problem but why can’t she tell us no then?

The truth I think is that neither of them want to go to the trouble of hosting and they are waiting for Dh to offer to have them all here. SIL even called DH up and was clearly dropping hints which he deliberately didn’t pick up.

Just wanting to order and pay a deposit on our turkey soon so hoping MIL just get on with deciding.

You're welcome pippa. Fact remains it's only the very very start of November and it's only one meal. A sense of proportion would be good so that you don't drain the goodwill from Christmas. It seems to me that some people are just gunning for conflict. Which isn't very Christmassy, tbh.

I've got to get my order in by next week. If you are ordering and getting it delivered then it very quickly gets booked up.

Penny I have eight DC I know all about how much work is involved in big meals.

Well good for you?

I’m sure you can appreciate then that not everyone finds catering for large groups of people a walk in the park, and that it involves considerably more planning and expense?

I don’t know why anyone would try and defend this fannying about, especially when it’s close family.

I am with Pippa Georgie et al, I would want to know in advance not because it makes much difference to the size of the bird but because I just need to know in my head who is coming, who is staying, who I need to cater for and who I need to find a bed space for - hardly much to ask for an answer is it?

Penny you said your mum cooked for twelve as though that was a major deal and beyond my comprehension, hence my reply that I do (or did) it on a daily basis, so have a good idea of what it involves.

Adding in two people adds remarkably little expense and there's plenty of scope with a turkey for converting excess into a useful other meal.

The tension is unnecessary. People need to chill.

Obviously, I meant at someone else's house. Just so no-one's left out.

Order the turkey, if they turn up great if they don’t more turkey for you all.

Life is too short to be faffing over if they are coming or not.

Oh honestly, I hate these "it's too early to order your turkey" types - of course it's not when the Ocado slots have already been released and all booked up for Christmas week.

Ocado, Tesco and Sainsbury's haven't got any delivery slots released beyond the 22nd of November yet let alone anytime in December.

OP isn't clear if the parents and in laws are being put up or simply eating.

Ocado Christmas slots came out maybe 3-4 weeks ago

Ocado Christmas slots came out maybe 3-4 weeks ago

Well I was trying to order for a party at the end of November but the last slot I could have was Nov 22nd, same with the others. If I want to order after that I need to wait a few more days

I think it's very rude personally.

I suggest that all the friends/family members that think it's OK to mess people around and keep them waiting, host Christmas themselves. Instead of getting other people to do all the hard work

I hear you OP. We have the same conversation with the outlaws every other year. And every year they tell us they will let us know. It’s rude as they clearly want to spend it with my OH DB and their DC. Had it for years and when they do finally agree to come to us it’s because his DB is going somewhere else. It’s not difficult to say yes or no. If they don’t answer promptly it means I can’t ask my DM or sisters so I am left not knowing what to do and leaves us in limbo. November isn’t too early to say yes or no to an invite. I am ordering my turkey this week too..... but I do get a big one no matter who is coming! So OP order your turkey

It is rude. But do you really need to know about one extra for ordering a turkey?

I have the option to book my Christmas shop for Ocado now.

BertrandRussell

I don't think it's really about the extra couple servings of Turkey to be honest.

Christmas can take an enormous amount of planning and preparation. some people worry enormously about all the little details and want everything to be perfect. It can also cost alot of time, money and effort.

I think most people would like to be hosted rather than hosting to cut out alot of the above.

I really can’t see how it’s an issue. Order enough food, if she turns up it’s there for her, if she doesn’t, all the more for everyone else. And relax.

I booked my ocado delivery slot and my turkey about four weeks ago. It's not too late to change the size of the turkey, but I know I'll get what I need if I order it in early October. I went to the top of the list.

As someone with Asperger's I have a far happier Christmas without wasting energy on anxiety about catering. And, no, you can't get treatment for this kind of anxiety. You get advised to manage it, which I do. By ordering my turkey in October.

And the OP has been very clear - she doesn't have space for the extra 4 the SIL would bring and she just needs her MIL to decide which place she's having dinner at. MIL must know this. SIL must know this. Why would you order a turkey for 8 when there are only 6 of you? Otherwise you end up having turkey curry for months.

Adding in two people adds remarkably little expense and there's plenty of scope with a turkey for converting excess into a useful other meal.

And what might be no hassle and negliable additional expense to you might cause another person to have to review their budget for the meal or reconsider where they’re going to put people, either to eat or sleep.

OP has made it clear to her MIL that for whatever reason it’s important to her to be able to plan for who’s coming and has asked repeatedly for a yes or no. Waiting for a better offer when someone is being generous with their time and effort is just rude.

Georgie, can you tell me if I have this right. From what you have posted, I understand that it's not just SIL, it's her partner and two kids too? So not one extra meal but four? Sorry if I've got that wrong.

“some people worry enormously about all the little details and want everything to be perfect”

This is where they’re going wrong. Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Buying into the idea that it has to look like a magazine feature and will be getting scored on trip advisor. They’re giving themselves stress they don’t need.

This sounds like my FIL. Invited 18 months in advance to something significant for DH and he couldn’t commit because he didn’t know what his agenda would be.

Haven’t RTFT OP but I would take their lack of response as a No.

I'd just factor her in and not mention it again OP. That way foods there just in case. What has SIL said? Is she happy to not be invited when that conversation happened?x

This is where they’re going wrong. Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Buying into the idea that it has to look like a magazine feature and will be getting scored on trip advisor. They’re giving themselves stress they don’t need.

It's not an unrealistic expectation to expect people to be give you a bloody answer.

It's not about Christmas looking like a magazine photoshoot either. It's just manners. Leaving people dangling is just plain rude.

What is wrong with people today??

OrdinarySnowflake

Absolutely.