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AIBU?

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Original poster

Will my son go to prison?

307 replies

MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 17:03

DS is 17. He has been arrested before for assault but it was dealt with by youth justice serve so officially not charged.

Early this week, he was arrested for affect. An unprovoked attack on an unknown male, caught in CCTV, where he was seen kicking him over 20 times in the head and face. Unknown male has not come forward. Behind the scenes, DS was already being investigated for threats of arson and threats to kill.
Solicitor says it has prison written all over it. I can’t get my head around that. He’s currently released without bail pending further enquiries.

Will he go to prison?

I’ve tried so hard to get him help. Have referred him to social devices, drug counselling, Cahms ... cahms are the only ones still involved.

I’m just stuck in limbo now waiting for a court date. I have no support and it’s killing me. His father was supposed to be having him this weekend but “something came up”. I don’t get the opportunity of “something coming up”. I have it 24/7.

The CCTV is so sickening, it’s the kind of thing that will go viral on Facebook if the press gets hold of it. DS cares not one bit. When solicitor told him it could be a prison sentence, he didn’t react at all. Solicitor rang me the next day to say he’d never seen such a violence assault and he’d never known such an emotionless response from the offender.

Will my Christmas Day involve me signing into the visitors book at HMP? I have nobody to talk to about this.

OP posts:
florenceheadache · 28/10/2018 17:28

Is he collecting money/drug debts for himself or someone else? Is he acting as an enforcer on behalf of someone else?

Patroclus · 28/10/2018 17:28

That feigned indifference always drops very quickly and dramatically their first night inside.

MyBrexitIsIll · 28/10/2018 17:28

Xpost.
Seen your last post, I would REALLY What him to be diagnosed by an independent psychiatrist. And yes that would mean going private but I truly believe he needs that diagnosis ASAP.

Bluetrews25 · 28/10/2018 17:29

So sorry you are going through this OP.
You can only hope he will get some therapy to make him wake up. Some people do turn things around following a spell at HMP, I hope he is one of them.
You do not have to visit him on Christmas day. I wouldn't.
Actions, consequences, tough love...

nocoolnamesleft · 28/10/2018 17:29

Kicking someone in the head and face 20 times? I would think he'd be pretty lucky if the charge wasn't attempted murder.

GunpowderGelatine · 28/10/2018 17:30

He deserves to go to prison

God some people really can't help being sanctimonious at any opportunity. Not really helpful to the OP.

Oh and BTW this could happen to you

TheWiseWomansFear · 28/10/2018 17:30

That's at minimum attempted GBH ... yes, I think it is most likely he will receive prison time if he has priors.

Blanchedupetitpois · 28/10/2018 17:30

There are some people on this thread being deliberately cruel when the OP is clearly in a desperate place. No excuse for that.

Limensoda · 28/10/2018 17:31

I'm surprised the 'unknown male' is alive? An attack like that would usually end up with the victim severely damaged at least.
My son was almost killed in an unprovoked attack by 4 youths so I find it difficult to have any compassion for young men like your son, however, I hope he does get some help, if not for his sake, but for future victims and yours!

sussexman · 28/10/2018 17:31

As others have said, one would think so. I imagine if it were the other way around and your son was the one that was assaulted you'd probably hope so. It would be good if this incident and its likely consequences made a difference to your DS, you may have to work some to help that happen. Sadly the Justice System in this country isn't particularly functional currently.

AuntMarch · 28/10/2018 17:32

It sounds like you would benefit as much as anyone if he did spend some time away, it must be very stressful wondering what he is going to do next! It has to be difficult to know that your child is capable of something like that and for that you have my sympathy. I do have an element for your son too as usually there is something underlying when people go that way. (I do not have sympathy with the punishment, but the fact he is such an angry young man is sad.)

sussexman · 28/10/2018 17:32

Clearly you and his dad aren't able or willing to help him.

You have absolutely no idea what she and his Dad are able and willing to do. I suggest you remove that horribly offensive post.

HariboLecter · 28/10/2018 17:32

I have no experience of this OP, but offer a handhold.

GreyGardens88 · 28/10/2018 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DarkDarkNight · 28/10/2018 17:33

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I can’t imagine how I would feel in your shoes.

I don’t think you’re here saying he shouldn’t be in prison, but even if you know it’s the right thing it’s a scary thing to face. I would push for more involvement from CAHMS your son is still young, hopefully he can turn his life around.

Ruby55n · 28/10/2018 17:33

Sadly, I think you will have to prepare yourself for your son receiving a custodial sentence. Maybe it will straighten him out and, hard though it is for you as his Mum, may be a wake-up call for him. I always think that the family suffers so much, too, when one of their kin is sent to prison. From one who knows. I feel for you, and wish you all the best.

TheWiseWomansFear · 28/10/2018 17:33

As he's 17 though it will most likely be a juvenile prison, until he's 18.

mistermagpie · 28/10/2018 17:34

Unfortunately it is quite likely he will go to prison. It is also quite likely that this won't be the 'rock bottom, shock to the system' thing that turns his life around, from the way you have described his reactions.

He deserves to go to prison but please continue to support him. I have worked with prisoners who have received short term sentences and those without family support tend to do very badly and quickly return to prison.

Hugs for you, what a terrible thing to be going through.

Notquiteagandt · 28/10/2018 17:34

Alot of differant factors go into sentancing. You say he shows no remorse. This will push sentencing towards a custodial one. As prison is seen as rehabilitation.

Doesnt make it any easier for you though Flowers

tiredgirly · 28/10/2018 17:34

I am so sorry you are going through this OP Flowers

Gazelda · 28/10/2018 17:34

OP, I've had a quick google and come across a charity called Family Lives. They offer support to young offenders and their families. It might be worth taking a look?

fuzzyduck1 · 28/10/2018 17:35

I know a little shit who hit a old man over the head with a hammer while robbing a corner shop and didn’t go to prison this was at least his 4th time in court.
so I’d say no he won’t go to prison even if he deserves to.

legalseagull · 28/10/2018 17:35

@Quartz2208 he's 17. It'll be the youth court.

Aridane · 28/10/2018 17:36

OP - here is the first thread on What to take to Prison.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/crime/2831982-what-to-take-to-prison

Ifoundanacorn · 28/10/2018 17:36

Please do not despair, there is a good chance your son’s custodial sentence ( if CPS go ahead with the charge) will be suspended.
If your son is young and he sounds like he may well be, then this is your best hope.
My suggestion would be for your son to consider what he has done, reflect on the pain and possible consequences and show great remorse for his actions. If the victim is yet to be identified, we have to hope he survived the injuries.

Kicking of the head is seen as especially serious. Why did your son do this? If unprovoked this is very concerning, it is such a savage attack.

Inform CAHMS you need their support and input into the case if possible. This will give the court a full picture.

You sound depleted. Take care of yourself.