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AIBU?

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Original poster

Will my son go to prison?

307 replies

MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 17:03

DS is 17. He has been arrested before for assault but it was dealt with by youth justice serve so officially not charged.

Early this week, he was arrested for affect. An unprovoked attack on an unknown male, caught in CCTV, where he was seen kicking him over 20 times in the head and face. Unknown male has not come forward. Behind the scenes, DS was already being investigated for threats of arson and threats to kill.
Solicitor says it has prison written all over it. I can’t get my head around that. He’s currently released without bail pending further enquiries.

Will he go to prison?

I’ve tried so hard to get him help. Have referred him to social devices, drug counselling, Cahms ... cahms are the only ones still involved.

I’m just stuck in limbo now waiting for a court date. I have no support and it’s killing me. His father was supposed to be having him this weekend but “something came up”. I don’t get the opportunity of “something coming up”. I have it 24/7.

The CCTV is so sickening, it’s the kind of thing that will go viral on Facebook if the press gets hold of it. DS cares not one bit. When solicitor told him it could be a prison sentence, he didn’t react at all. Solicitor rang me the next day to say he’d never seen such a violence assault and he’d never known such an emotionless response from the offender.

Will my Christmas Day involve me signing into the visitors book at HMP? I have nobody to talk to about this.

OP posts:
MorningCuppa · 28/10/2018 17:19

Probably a handhold and some advice greentulips, did you not read what the op has written.

OscarWildesGreenCarnation · 28/10/2018 17:19

You poor thing, I do feel very sorry for you. But a crime like that deserves a custodial sentence, unless there are some seriously deep mitigating factors.

Please try and get some support. I can't be sure, but there's a possibility that the courts may be able to help you if he goes away, there are I believe some specific organizations which support prisoner's families. Take care Flowers

Charm23 · 28/10/2018 17:20

Attacking another person like that is bad enough but completely unprovoked? What a vile person he is. I hope he gets sent to prison and it kicks some sense it to him.

Lovemusic33 · 28/10/2018 17:20

Prison could be what he needs, as sad as it may sound, he will get more help there then he’s probably getting now, his mental health will be accessed and he will get help preparing him for what happens when he’s released.

Knittedfairies · 28/10/2018 17:20

What a nightmare for you OP. If the solicitor has said it’s ‘got prison all over it’ you need to brace yourself for that. It may just be the kick up the backside he needs.

MrsStrowman · 28/10/2018 17:20

Affray is triable either way have you been given any indication yet as to whether or will be heard at mags for pleas and directions only and referred to crown or fully heard at mags? Some of this may depend on his plea. The maximum at magistrate's for affray is six months, crown three years. If he is also charged with s.47 (abh) or s.18 (gbh) it could be substantially more

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 28/10/2018 17:20

Yes mainly due to his previous dealings.

cheesefield · 28/10/2018 17:20

Of course he should go to prison from what you've said. But I'm sad for you OP as his mother 

thornyhousewife · 28/10/2018 17:20

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MorningCuppa · 28/10/2018 17:21

I'm sorry your going through this op, it must be so hard especially when you have no one to talk to, I would say he is looking at a custodial sentence, I think however this may be the best place for him, if he doesn't go now, he may do something worse and get an even longer sentence. Maybe they can help rehabilitate him, it sounds like he's needing help, what are CAHMS doing?

Mishappening · 28/10/2018 17:21

Sadly the statutory services fail so many young men like this. We have one in our family, whose parents have moved heaven and earth since he was small to get people to take his problems seriously and give him the help and guidance he needs - but they all left him to sink into alcoholism and drug-taking and law-breaking.

I do hope your son gets the help he needs; but sadly I do think he will end up in jail. His actions deserve jail as I am sure you realise.

Sorry you are in this situation.

SuperMumTum · 28/10/2018 17:21

So not all serious assaults go to court. If he has been released without bail pending investigation the police will still have quite a bit of work to do to get to the charging stage. Interesting that the victim didn't come forward - maybe he is frightened of your DS doing something worse? Maybe he has his own issues? Without a victim statement it isn't easy to get a case through court. That said, if he is found guilty prison is a definite possibility. A solicitor will be giving the worst case scenario so that whatever he ends up with looks like the brief has done well. Also solicitor wont want to get your hopes up and end up being the bad guy. They rely on recommendations from people like you for their future business.

If your DS sorts his attitude out before court and engages with all the support on offer (including family) he could get a suspended sentence. The other matters under investigation won't go against him at this stage as he is unconvincted.

Ffiffime · 28/10/2018 17:21

I’d wave him off and wash my hands.

Sorry you’re in this position op, I sincerely hope he gets some help while inside but it’s where he deserves to go x

LakieLady · 28/10/2018 17:22

I'm afraid sentencing guidelines say 18 weeks imprisonment is the starting point for affray where there's a risk of serious injury.

www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/item/affray/

It sounds like a very serious assault, and I'm surprised that the charge is only affray, tbh. It may be because the extent of the victim's injuries is not known, and the charge could change if he comes forward or is identified.

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this, but it's not your fault. You clearly tried everything to get help for him, but sometimes no amount of help is enough and sometimes there just isn't any help available.

I'm sure you must be in bits, I know my DM was when my DB was sentenced to 4 months for assault. Flowers

Original poster
MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 17:23

Mrsstrowman, it was dealt with by youth referral order where he had to attend a number of sessions over so many weeks. The threats being investigated are a completely different offence on a different day and include him storming into an address, making the threats and causing criminal damage to the door (of which they have photos). The charge is for affray. Nothing else as far as I’m aware. No mitigating circumstances such as mental health because when I’ve tried to get him assessed for ASD/ADHD/psychopathic traits nobody has wanted to know. I was the one that had him arrested the first time.

OP posts:
Sandsnake · 28/10/2018 17:24

I think so. To be honest, I hope so. But I’m really sorry for you OP, can’t imagine how horrible it must be for you Flowers

thethoughtfox · 28/10/2018 17:26

Could you pay for a private mental health assessment?

PrincessJuanita · 28/10/2018 17:26

Oh op this sounds so hard for you, sending  but yes it sounds like he should and will go to prison. It could be the making of him, he might turn himself around after the shock of prison.
Do you have other people/other things going on in your life? Anywhere else for support. I think, although you naturally want to support your son, it's time to start building yourself a support network and taking care of your own needs. Good luck.

April2020mom · 28/10/2018 17:26

Perhaps prison time might actually do him a favour. Hopefully he’ll get some more help. Do you have any one to talk to or not? I recommend seeing a therapist or counsellor. That way you will have a opportunity to learn coping skills and techniques too.

PietariKontio · 28/10/2018 17:26

I guess the only factor that might mean he doesn't get a prison sentence is his mental health. If CAMHS have been seeing him and feel he has a mental health condition that 'caused' the assault, and if any subsequent mental health assessments corroborate that, then he may get a custodial sentence in a MH facility. But it would have to be a mental illness, rather than something like a personality disorder.

Either way it looks like some sort of custodial sentence would be forthcoming, which ever it is hopefully he'll leave it less likely to commit that kind of offence again.

Good luck to your family.

Blanchedupetitpois · 28/10/2018 17:26

It’s hard to say - but I would expect so unless there are serious mitigating factors (like a mental health disorder or mental disability).

It might help him. They will work on rehabilitation, with professional services. It might be what he needs to get him on a better path.

I’m so sorry for you and I hope you’re ok and have some support for yourself.

MyBrexitIsIll · 28/10/2018 17:26

Oh fgs, the OP has been clearly dealing with a lot, trying to support his ds wo any help from anyone. Not the SS, not his own father etc... Do you really think she needs people to come and tell her something that she already knows???

OP I think you need more than CAMHS.
Would you be able to go private and have an diagnosis from a psychiatrist? I suspect your ds needs it. Both to himself and to get the right support/medication and for a possible impending trial.
Unlike some posters who seem to think prison ‘will help him put his life back on the rails’, I suspect it will do nothing of the sorts and he needs support in other ways.

Also I think you desperately need support yourself. Is there any support groups for parents whose children have gone off the rails like this??

GunpowderGelatine · 28/10/2018 17:26

Oh OP I'm so sorry. This sounds like my brothers at 17, who did similar but not jail time. They're now in their late 30s with good jobs, wonderful children and you'd never know their past. I hope it's a teenage phase 

EnglishRose13 · 28/10/2018 17:27

He deserves to go to prison.

Aridane · 28/10/2018 17:28

OP - I second the suggestion of other posters to go to the (less judgmental!) thread What to Take to Prison.

You might also want to get this moved from AIBU to another section of the forum.

And, yes, prison seems highly likely