To ask if you've ever had an awful one night stand?

[greycrisscross]

So on the weekend, a good friend persuaded me to go out which I haven't done in a LONG time. We got very very drunk! she's a bit of a party animal (terrible influence but sure does know how to have a good time)
Anyway I woke up next to the most annoying man ive ever met in my whole life. He was basically professing his love to me and also telling me all about his ex he'd recently split with. It was awful especially combined with a banging hangover. My friend was laughing her head off as I text her whilst I was in the bathroom "PLEASE GET HIM TO LEAVE" it was mortifying!!! Trying to see the funny side of it still and asking have you ever had a really bad one night stand?

Yes, the sex was terrible and in the morning he told me that he had just got out of prison for attacking his ex-girlfriends new partner. He left in a cab and sent the cab back with his phone number. I didn’t call back...

I have had one one-night-stand – it put me off them entirely when, mid-deed, he got a panicked look in his eye, pulled out, looked down, and screamed... the condom was FULL of blood.

Upon examination, his junk was entirely unscathed and there was not a single drop coming from me either.

Full bloodbath in a rubber bag, and a total freakin' mystery.

Not a mystery I want to get to the bottom of, and not an experience I want to repeat!

A funny but somewhat dark highlight to horrible stories -

As a 17 year old I listened to a local musician on SoundCloud, he was ragged, long hair, he was in his 40s and for some reason I fancied him and his voice. One night me and my friend were out and we seen him in a smoking area in a small village where my friend lived. Me being Me, I went up to him and praised his music. You know what happened there. He took me back to his place. I'm so predictable, I was delighted at the time.

A few months later we actually met again in the same area and went back to his house again. He was recently divorced. Only years later did I realise how much of a pervert he probably was, me not much better. Giving my young body away to a hairy wrinkly 45 year old with a limp! ( not that there is anything wrong with that)

Hugs Bimgy. I think we can all relate to bits of your experience. Some more bits than others

Don’t let your past colour your future - take care of yourself

@LavendarGreen lol, made lots of my friends lol too, what an embarrassment many 'funny stories' for later years I guess

Oh god yeah. Uni, about a month after breaking up with my long term boyfriend in 3rd year. This guy had been persuing me (and every other girl on campus) for ages - think he was spreading his bets as wide as possible to maximise the chance of one of us going for it... he heard about my break up and seriously ramped it up, was quite sweet and romantic.

Anyway so was having a very blue night about the ex, and this guy text me at the right moment and I went over...

The sex was awful. Then he lit up a joint and offered me a toke. After one toke he asked if I would leave as a girl was coming over who he quite wanted to get into a relationship with... bearing in mind it was 2am.

I’m a very hippy live and let live kind of girl but he was bald by 30 and it restored my faith in karma.

‘much much larger and sweatier than he’d said’

😂 How sweaty had he said he was?

Oh yes. In my drinking days, when working overseas, I once woke up feeling horrendous, naked, with the room spinning and the up-and-down feeling. Got up to find somewhere to be sick and discovered that I was on a boat (hence the up and down motion) that was about to sail to New York. I'd apparently agreed to crew.

Oh I’ve only ever had one proper ONS and it was literally one pump and a squirt quickest shag I’ve ever had. Then I couldn’t sleep cause his flat was hotter than the sun, and then the next morning he was telling me about how much he hated his sister for ages while I was praying my phone would charge quicker so I could leave

Years and years ago I went to Reading Festival with a huge group of people, including a guy I had had the biggest crush on for ages. On the last night, with a lot of help from drugs and alcohol I finally got the courage to tell him I fancied him and we ended up in my tent together. After trying and failing several times to, ahem, get it in, I ended up performing oral on him... only for an entire weekends worth of drinking and drug binging (I was very young and stupid) to come back up all over him.
Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.

@Bimgy85 I agree with you that you should talk to a professional about all of that. You sound like you don't like yourself very much, and you absolutely should because you won't get to have a turn at being anyone else. Don't be unhappy because you think it's what you deserve.

I had a one night stand once and he just wouldn't leave. I got out of bed and went and made food and sat downstairs for 4 hours while he was still sleeping. I eventually went and made some excuse about an emergency and he left. Never called me though, just took advantage of my very comfy bed.

Not me, but my friend. Not normally one for one night stands, she was 'on a break' from her boyfriend. Meets someone at a party, takes him home etc.

A few weeks later, back with her boyfriend, tries to put it out of her mind as mistake. Goes into work, and is introduced to her new colleague who is going to be sitting opposite her....

They both pretended they'd never met before.

Sure - haven't we all ?

Not all :)

Oh dear. So many ONS.

After being blown out again by the love of my teenage life I tottered home from a house party with a random friend of a friend and shagged him on a park bench on the seafront. Mostly because he looked a lot like the love of my life. Tall, broad and ginger....mmmm. He was a cracking shag, mind.

The ONS where his house mates (uni) started banging on the ceiling in time with us - apparently we'd made the ceiling light shake. I had the piss ripped for weeks a put that one. He wasn't an attractive man bless him, but I had such a good laugh that night, he was so much fun. I even remember his name!

A dreadful one with a skinny barman. Just appalling sex, I slunk out of there quickly about 15 minute later.

The rugby boy who literally lasted 2 pumps then came. I'm sure it was a compliment, but jesus. Such a disappointment. He didn't even have the decency to then make sure I got off FFS.

Oh, an awful awful situation in a tent. I was really upset about a recent miscarriage, had had too much too drink and was essentially taken advantage of. I've never forgiven him for that - I thought he was a friend. I needed a friend. Fucker.

Ooooo I'd love to @ some of the cats bum brigade on this thread.

I'm sure they'll be along soon though......

Worst one I ever had was the pillock who tried not once but THREE times to stuff his limp schlong in my bumhole with the excuse 'I just can't get hard with vaginal sex'.

BLEURGH.

I met a guy in a night club. We went back to his house and while he was on top of me a big glob of snot fell out of his nose and onto my face.

My best story and I could come up with many
I on a drunken night out as many were my friend was flirting with this guy and he was def not the guy she should get involved with
(she was a virgin) as he was a piece of shit so I cockblocked and took him home... Mid way through I got bored and told him to get off n leave!
He was stunned n said what do I do with this so I told him to finish off in the toilet!
I was charming back in the day!
He later married one of my friends!

Another one kept screaming 'put your fingers in my ass, quick!' and I'd collapse in to giggles (which really upset him.)

I have conveniently forgotten any ons I may or may not have had, it took years, but I managed it.

Another friend attempted to lose her virginity to her crush during a party. It was December, they were in a van, and he couldn't, in his words 'get it in', Outside there was a group of friends cheering them on.

Another friend found herself regaled with stories of how much her ons hated immigrants and paedos and once he'd killed a oaedo and never got caught.
She assumed he was bullfighting, but left very quickly.

Oooohhhhhhhh yes

I haven’t had many, they are not really me, and the ones I have had were mostly with someone I already knew well. But one time I was on the rebound and went to a party with a friend and pulled this hot (ish) man. He was the brother of a friend and seemed nice and I was feeling reckless so went home with him.

He was totally clueless about sex and had a tiny willy, can’t blame him for that and I wasn’t mean about it but I was (I hope not obviously) taken aback! After some awkward sex/fumbling we fell asleep and in the morning he tried to get me to read a truly awful draft of a novel he’d written. It was so bad and embarrassing and he kept asking me if I thought it could be a bestseller. To be fair he then drove me all the way back to friend’s house and was very gentlemanly.

It was not the wild spontaneous night of abandon I’d had in mind.

Loving these stories!

My worst was the crane operator— Kevin if my memory serves - who wouldn’t take his underpants off. 😂😂
That was a short night!!

LavendarGree what's funny about someone having sex with Blimgy while she's absolutely 'black out drunk'?

You LOLd?

Really?

You couldn't work out that black out drunk = not able to consent = rape.

Sicko.

Sorry for your experiences, Blimgy.

I'm so thrilled to read that I'm not the only person on Earth who fanny farted on my boss

I once took a guy home with me, we went to bed but when I felt what he was packing I sighed, rolled over and went to sleep having decided that it wasn't worth the bother. Not my finest hour!

Is this for an article by any chance OP?