To ask if you've ever had an awful one night stand?

[greycrisscross]

So on the weekend, a good friend persuaded me to go out which I haven't done in a LONG time. We got very very drunk! she's a bit of a party animal (terrible influence but sure does know how to have a good time)
Anyway I woke up next to the most annoying man ive ever met in my whole life. He was basically professing his love to me and also telling me all about his ex he'd recently split with. It was awful especially combined with a banging hangover. My friend was laughing her head off as I text her whilst I was in the bathroom "PLEASE GET HIM TO LEAVE" it was mortifying!!! Trying to see the funny side of it still and asking have you ever had a really bad one night stand?

The only real ONS I had (most were one shag dates) was a navy guy who was friends with my flat mates boyfriend. I was 19 and they'd come to visit my flat mate the week before Christmas so we're literally game for a total annihilation of a night out. I was a woefully inexperienced drinker but drank an absolute fuckton that night and when it came to sleeping arrangements it was discovered navy friend had 'forgotten' to book a hotel so I offered to kip with him in my double bed.

To be fair, I totally fancied him so wasn't altruistism and I was heavily missing my ex who was on a Christmas night out, so I thought fuck it and did something I'd never done and went gunho.

Except he had recently had cock surgery. To reduce his appendage. I thought he was taking the piss and gave it the whole 'yeah yeah' roll eye treatment until he whipped his massive cock out and you could see scarring. So he tried, and he couldn't get hard because of all the recent surgery, and he was so devastated he cried. I ended up consoling a hugely drunk, emotional navy guy who kept pointing at his dick saying WORK YOU MOTHERFUCKER 😂

God this has given me flashbacks.

Uni housemate who I'd fancied all year and had no idea fancied me back. Was way too pissed to appreciate the opportunity and fell asleep halfway through.

Work director  who I'd been flirting with for bloody ages (and really shouldn't have been.) We engineered a trip away together after the tension had really built up, ended up in my hotel room together after a client dinner, at which point he utters the immortal words "this might be smaller than you expected." It was.

I've grown up a lot now.

The worst one night stand I ever had, left me trapped on a garden shed roof 😂

So I was in my early 20's had gone out, drank a shit load and ended up with this absolute stranger in his house. Whatever not the first time.

So we stumble upstairs to his bedroom in the dark. Well once on the bed we begin, his oral skills were nothing to write home about but it was good enough, so we get down to business, condom on check. Ok let's go...well it was like he had a fucking jack hammer rammed up his arse, he kept thrusting at about 100mph I ended up squished up against the headboard l, my tits practically up my nose at this point. He came, I was thankful of that, before I needed some sort of spinal surgery to unfold me as I must have looked like a mangled deck chair.

Anyway he falls asleep as do I, the sunlight through the window wakes me up, but then I hear activity in this house, I think oh flat mates ok. Then I hear " XXX are you up?" "XXX get up!". I suddenly start to look around this bedroom, and then I see it, sports trophies, Lego figurines...I start to panic I look at the man next to me and I think of fuck how old is he?. Suddenly I'm started by him shouting "I'm up mam".

Mam...MAM?! I say to him as I'm frantically getting dressed "how fucking old are you" he replies "18" I say give me your driving license....he does, ok so he is 18 thank fuck.

I then start thinking what the fuck am I going to do, I can't go downstairs and confront this boys mum. So I look out his bedroom window and I see the garden shed just below,maybe a 8ft drop. I think fuck it I can manage that.

I say to him I'm going to sneak out the window, as I open the window he says "you sure" I roll my eyes and explain look I'll just drop down to the shed roof, jump off and call a taxi once I'm out of the back garden. Ok he says.

So I climb out, lower myself down, my fingers hanging on the window sill, my feet only about 2ft from the roof, I let go.....my left fucking foot goes through the rotten shed roof, fucking skinning my shin. I scream.

He panicked and shouts "I'll get my mam" I shout back "NO!" But the fucking boys gone.

As I'm trying to pull my leg out of this shed roof, next I hear a man's voice say "you alright bach (Welsh word for little one)" I turn round to see dad on a ladder. He smirks at me and says "rotten roof, it's been here longer then him (and points to his son)" I'm bright red at this point, in searing pain from my trapped leg and muster a "oh, I see". He kindly helped me out of my hole and I climbed down the ladder. Was greeted by mum with a cup of sweet tea for the "shock". I sat in their living room rather sheepishly in my outfit constantly pulling my very short skirt down whilst my.taxi arrived.

I thanked them for their help and for calling a taxi, and never went back. Shit sex, scars for life and mortal embarrassment, sums up my worst one night stand.

@Bigmy85 

One his dick was so small I was asking him to get a move on when he told me it was already in there.That was the waste of a night and he was gorgeous as well.

Another one,a gorgeous guy really well built and well hung good in bed but he started getting far to into me and the thought of us becoming a couple to quickly,slept with him that once and had to block his number afterwards.

I have had a couple of amazing one night stands as well though so can't really complain.

Went back to his because it was snowing and my train was cancelled. He went to the kitchen to get something and I looked on his phone. It was full of messages like 'go on give her one' from his mates. We got naked, then he said he was a virgin and 'never really knew what to do with this thing'. I made him sleep on the sofa. We left together in the morning and he asked if he could take my photo.

Another guy I went back with to avoid night buses (you can see a theme develeloping here). He had sex by shoving his dick in hard like once every 30 seconds and then pulling out completely. After about a minute of this I said stop and went to sleep. Still better than getting night buses.

Another guy was a policeman. Had a pencil dick and offered to handcuff me. I said no. He did let me try his hat on though. On the packed train together the next morning he kissed me goodbye on the lips and said 'It was nice to meet you'.

Cadburyegg I wonder if it was the same bloke.
He was really dull, I don't know why i did it him
Couldn't feel a thing, even on top

Have actually had some great ones, the worst bits are often that I actually liked quite a few of them so didn't really want them to be ONS. I never felt unsafe luckily and had lots of fun from 17-21. Since then was married to XH and now to DH so none since then.

Mostly the sex was pretty good but there have been a few not so nice experiences.

One was with a gorgeous bloke, footballer for England (not really famous at all), genuine nice guy, ended up a ONS on 2 occasions but wasn't expecting that. All great first time, 2nd time a year or so later also great but his mate was with him so came back (not a threesome). We'd had sex and cuddled up to sleep, later on in the night he started touching me again until I realised I could feel both his arms. He went ballistic at his mate.

Similar situation with another bloke, I didn't realise but his mate had crawled in the room and was sat naked watching us. The other bloke knew the whole time. I just left after that.

A couple of times have been so drunk that when I got back to theirs I realised I didn't fancy them.

Last one, I was on and off seeing a bloke, not a relationship but he shagged a close friend of mine. I found out one night when we were clubbing, got thrown out for pinning my friend up against awall (I know that's awful but I was 19 and it wouldn't be like me now). The guys identical twin brother was there too and followed me to make sure I was ok. I took him home with me not bad sex or anything but I still can't believe I did it, I still felt bad even after what the other brother did. Twins are definitely not identical in every way.

Was so caught up in the drama and excitement with this gorgeous guy that l blurted out 'l love you'. OMG most embarrassing night of my life and l didn't have youthful innocence as an excuse. Was the best sex of my life though.

It's been very cathartic for me reading this thread! I was a mess throughout my teens and early 20s from emotional abuse from my mum and I'd had cancer aged 13 and the chemo had very nearly killed me. Did lots of drugs and slept with anyone that showed an interest really. I had no problem attracting men, but I was desperately trying to find love and somewhere to belong, and they all ran a mile. A lot of them weren't good sorts. It all stopped when I became pregnant 10 years ago, and I've been single ever since. I simply don't trust my judgement when it comes to men, and I won't have that around my boy. It actually scares me to think of all the things I did back then, and the risks I took. I just didn't care what happened to me. Now I have my boy I have something to live for ❤️😊

Well the worst ONS was a guy I had been talking to for around 6 weeks. He came back to mine but was very drunk so I put him to bed in the spare room and went off to a party I was invited to. I came back and in the morning attempted to DTD. It was soooo small I barely felt a thing. It was a shame because he was a really good looking guy but I couldn’t go through with pretending and I think it was probably obvious how bad it was, so I got him to call his friend to drive him home. We never spoke to each other after that.

Another was the opposite end of the spectrum. He was a lovely guy from the West Indies. Ripped and built like a house in every respect, including his package which was around 9-10 inches with a good amount of girth. Well I am pretty small and at the time hadn’t been with many people. Well it was a struggle to say the least. The whole thing was super slow and just well..boring. We did do it a few times but I just couldn’t get on board with how dull it was and binned it off.

The worst was with a bloke from work I'd fancied for ages, went back to mine after a night out, he lasted all of 5 minutes, drunk me asked him "is that it?" and he left! I went back to the night club and my friend hadn't even noticed I'd been gone 😂 Best was with a friend of my sister's boyfriend, he was beautiful and we laughed and had great sex and best of all, he was honest from the start and said he had broken up with his girlfriend so he was just after sex, I was happy to oblige 😁

@Bigmy85.
Your story is very similar to mine. If you do one thing for yourself please read this book.

There was this gorgeous guy at uni... long dark curly hair, bright blue eyes... I really fancied him and we had one 'date'. I'm not sure he even realised it was a date to be honest! Took me to see A Clockwork Orange and then to a grim goth pub. After a totally awkward evening I stupidly asked him back to mine in the nearby town. He came, ad we had terrible sex. The worst ever. Afterwards he got angry because he's missed the last train back to his city, and we sat without talking all night till 6am when the train was running again.

Worst of all, 6 months later I stupidly decided to give it another go at a LARP event. I'd travelled there with a guy who was desperate to date me, but who I friend zoned horribly. He was only attending the event because I persuaded him to go so he could drive us and because he had a tent. But the night of the event, after a few drinks, I left our tent to go to the loo, bumped in to the stunning guy again who was pissed as a newt, and ended up having more terrible sex right there against a tree. Pretty sure friend zone knew or saw too as he barely spoke the whole 4 hour drive home. Not my finest moments.

Oh god yes. This guy was chasing me for ages, I figured why not? He was cute, if a little full of himself. He undressed me, kissed me all over - it was feeling quite nice - then he proceeded to rub his penis all over my body. Weirdest experience ever. He made some intense eye contact whilst doing it. Not sure what it was about

Only 1 that stands out as funny. Went out clubbing with a friend to get over my breakup and met two Irish men. Seemed a bit dangerous and older than us. She had sex in her room, I had sex in her mates...the sex was dreadful.

Snuck downstairs to get away, kept the lights off and turned Jane Eyre on for something to watch and fall asleep to. My bloke walks in after twenty minutes and sits in silence also watching Jane Eyre while I pretend to be asleep and watch it out the corner of my eye.

Her bloke appears, gets mine and orders a taxi. My friend spins them a story (and so well that they believed it in their drunken states) that we are small bit actors.

He asks for a list of films...she proceeds to say, '...oh and actually Lord Of The Rings. It's hard to tell but if you pause X big battle you can see us at the back'.

She manages to say this very convincingly. They leave. Hysterics. so worth it for the laugh.

I've had a few..
The most recent one, probably the only one I've had when I've had to stop my self from laughing out loud.. he kept rubbing my bits in the way you would try and get a tiny mark off a window/mirror. Just really really fast, with one finger tip. it was hilarious.

He's in his 40s too you'd think he'd know better.

For the record my partner and I were a one night stand. We met on a night out where he took care of me in out of the rain, didn't even want sex until the next morning and we are together many many years now.

@mozartvanbeethoven I can absolutely relate to that. I was very overweight in my teens and so I found drugs at a certain age and lost the weight, then came the sex and unwanted nights. Now it seems these things affected me over the space of a few years and ate away at my brain, now I'm intimidated by people who I should be calling friends, and find it extremely difficult to bond with people. Extreme anxiety in certain situations.

Yes, it was very very much of an anti-climax.

He came across as a sex God but when we got down to the nitty gritty. I couldn't find his d**k in the dark. I genuinely believe he had a medical issue as his penis was abnormally small (and no, there was no sex - as I was so outraged, I got up and left).

Had a few one night stands, dh was supposed to be a one night stand too 14 yrs 2kids and 1 dog later not sure what happened there