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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask whether I should let friends pay?

198 replies

AliceRR · 28/09/2018 21:43

DH and I went out for dinner with my friend and her boyfriend who I have met once but who is very nice.

She suggested an Italian place not far from us and we went there. It was really nice and we had a lovely evening.

We’ve only all been out together once before and that was when we were out at a restaurant for my birthday and everyone paid for themselves. Otherwise she and I usually go out the two of us and just split the bill down the middle.

They both somehow forgot their wallets and she did let me know about half an hour before we got there. She said we don’t have money so will have to transfer it to you.8 said ok that’s fine.

So we went out and then I paid for all of us (I had already agreed with DH I would pay for us!)

Anyway they mentioned in passing my friend transferring the money to me but not blatantly so I didn’t say anything but she will probably text l and ask for my bank details.

It occurs to me I should say that I should say it’s fine, we’ll get this one, and hopefully they would get the next one. But I feel like she’s the kind of friend who would forget(!) and he might just not know as he probably just expects she’ll transfer it to me.

I am 20w pregnant and saving up for mat leave so don’t just have money to throw away plus they probably earn the same as us between them.

What do you think?

I have her money earlier this year for an event that was cancelled and she didn’t end up paying for. It was not a lot, about £10 and she forgot about it. The last time I saw her (June maybe) it came up and she was apologetic and said sorry she forgot I’d given that to her and would sort it out next time but presumably forgot again. Tonight was more than £10 obviously...

That’s what makes me wonder if she’d just forget...

OP posts:
AliceRR · 28/09/2018 21:46

Also I am pregnant so not drinking alcohol so my bill is less than everyone else’s and would be if we went out again!

Or it could be a while til we go out again as, unless it’s in Oct / Nov I will be quite heavily pregnant and will then have a small baby, all being well

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2018 21:49

If they forgot to bring their wallets, they should be expecting to pay. I’d send a text saying you had a lovely time altogether and here are your bank details with the amount to pay. No one could really be pissed off about that.

dustarr73 · 28/09/2018 21:50

No i wouldnt let it go.And if hey realised half an hour before could they have not gone back to get the wallets.

Sounds dodgy to me,2 of them forgetting their wallets.They are cfs.

PrettyInPJs · 28/09/2018 21:54

Both of them went out without their wallets? Hmm

brighteyeowl17 · 28/09/2018 21:55

What’s the chances of both forgetting your money??

HollowTalk · 28/09/2018 21:57

They could have transferred thrones via their phones before you paid.

Disquieted1 · 28/09/2018 21:57

LOL. They both forgot their wallets. Of course they did.

They're playing you for a sucker.

anitagreen · 28/09/2018 21:57

I bet your one of them people that is too kind for their own good and they've seen this and took advantage. Being pregnant to id be fuming about it and I would of cancelled but then again I also don't lend money to anyone as I've been bitten on the arse before Envy

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 28/09/2018 21:57

I'd be massively embarrassed if both me and DH forgot our wallets, I think it's best they just transfer the money now. I would text saying "had a lovely evening! We should definitely do it gain soon, FYI your half came to £X here are my bank details thanks!"

Floaty2018 · 28/09/2018 21:57

Definitely agree with a light hearted text "Was so lovely catching up with you both, looking forward to the next one. Bank details are XYZ and your half was £££".

HollowTalk · 28/09/2018 21:57

Their money, not thrones!

DolceFarNiente · 28/09/2018 21:59

I'd definitely send your bank details as PurpleDaisies said. I'd probably write off the £10 to be honest as I'd feel a bit awkward bringing that up at this late stage. I'd have brought it up the next time I saw her.

DuchessThingy · 28/09/2018 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 28/09/2018 22:00

They have no intention of paying. No way they both forgot.

bimbobaggins · 28/09/2018 22:00

They are relying on your kindness. What would have happened if you had only taken enough money to pay for your own. I bet they would suddenly have remembered their wallets

Starlight345 · 28/09/2018 22:02

By virtue they both forgot no I wouldn’t let it go.

Pp text sounds perfect

RedOrBeDead · 28/09/2018 22:03

Yeah, I think it's decidedly odd that BOTH 'forgot' their wallets.

It looks to me like they're both trying to stick you with the full bill. I wouldn't put up with this and I wouldn't be shy about asking for the money back.

They sound like CFs!

Darkestnight · 28/09/2018 22:15

They are CF how on earth can they both forgot there wallets. They had the intention all along your going to pay op so they get a nice free meal out on you.

AliceRR · 28/09/2018 22:18

I don’t she would have done it deliberately but obviously I don’t know him

I texted her saying I had a good time. Usually she texts me when she gets home so I thought she’d have texted about it but he is driving so not sure why she hasnt texted but she is mildly unreliable

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 28/09/2018 22:19

There is no way they both forgot. I have NEVER forgotten my purse, esp when going out Hmm

AliceRR · 28/09/2018 22:19

I wasn’t going to mention the £10 now

I mentioned it last time but that was May and she’s obviously forgot again

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 28/09/2018 22:20

It's a good time to mention it! Text her what she owes you and tell her to add the 10 on when she transfers.

TomHardysNextWife · 28/09/2018 22:21

Oh dear, you've been well and truly had there.

Both forgot their wallets.... yeah right.

icelollycraving · 28/09/2018 22:21

I wouldn’t ask for £10 back. I would ask for half of tonight’s bill.

TownHall · 28/09/2018 22:22

I’m baffled at why it would even cross your mind to pay for them. Just send a text with their share of the bill. I think you would be daft not to. I’d also remind her about the £10.

I’ve paid for friends to do something today and have already sent them the breakdown of the costs and my bank details. It wouldn’t cross my mind to feel embarrassed.

If I had forgotten to pay someone some money I owe them I would want them to remind me. Anyone with an ounce of decency would.

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