To ask whether I should let friends pay?

[AliceRR]

DH and I went out for dinner with my friend and her boyfriend who I have met once but who is very nice.

She suggested an Italian place not far from us and we went there. It was really nice and we had a lovely evening.

We’ve only all been out together once before and that was when we were out at a restaurant for my birthday and everyone paid for themselves. Otherwise she and I usually go out the two of us and just split the bill down the middle.

They both somehow forgot their wallets and she did let me know about half an hour before we got there. She said we don’t have money so will have to transfer it to you.8 said ok that’s fine.

So we went out and then I paid for all of us (I had already agreed with DH I would pay for us!)

Anyway they mentioned in passing my friend transferring the money to me but not blatantly so I didn’t say anything but she will probably text l and ask for my bank details.

It occurs to me I should say that I should say it’s fine, we’ll get this one, and hopefully they would get the next one. But I feel like she’s the kind of friend who would forget(!) and he might just not know as he probably just expects she’ll transfer it to me.

I am 20w pregnant and saving up for mat leave so don’t just have money to throw away plus they probably earn the same as us between them.

What do you think?

I have her money earlier this year for an event that was cancelled and she didn’t end up paying for. It was not a lot, about £10 and she forgot about it. The last time I saw her (June maybe) it came up and she was apologetic and said sorry she forgot I’d given that to her and would sort it out next time but presumably forgot again. Tonight was more than £10 obviously...

That’s what makes me wonder if she’d just forget...

The weird thing is, he took his wallet but knew he only had Euros. So he was expecting her to pay the whole time. And apparently doesn't own a bank card. Sounds like your friend has a cocklodger.

I would just add the tenner on without mentioning it.

Utter bullshit that they both "forgot" their wallets/purses.

I'd also add the £10 onto the amount they owe you for tonight. I can't stand people who "forget" to pay what they owe and just take advantage of other people in that way.

It's a quiencedence they both forgot their wallets.

Just looking back at her text she said she doesn’t have her wallet and he does but it only has Euro’s in it (they hadn’t even just been to Europe!)

Is this him?

Seriously who goes on a dinner out and doesn’t check they’ve got their purse with them?

I’d have pay pal or transferred the money to you whilst at the restaurant.

Actually I would have turned around and gone back to get my purse.

Agree with pp text back their full amount plus the £10 she owes you. She’s a CF, they only do it because they know you’re too polite to pull them up.

She’s not nice she’s effectively stolen money from you now twice.

Fuck that shit.

Stop being taken for a mug - you didn't need to give us reasons for wanting the money back (pregnant etc) it's your bloody money.

I will pay for / lend money to friends .. but only the ones who have proved that they aren't going to take the piss.

She text you - then she had the ability to transfer money to you while in the restaurant.

She's a huge CF.

The whole things sounds weird. Hopefully she will send you the money and it will be fine. I'd be wary of them both.

I am hopeless with money in these circumstances, but cannot believe that between them they didn’t have any other solution than you paying. I am actually overthinking to the extent that she forgot and then he said “well I’m not paying to go out with your friends”... there just can’t be a “normal” answer to this can there?

With my friends now, we always split, or I always offer, and they will let me, or say “NO! You paid last time!”.

If neither of us had any money, but one of us had the euros, we’d hand over the euros to you, with enough to cover the booze and exchange costs....that is the most convoluted, but fair way out if they truly didn’t have any other option. .. there simply wasn’t a good enough excuse.

Meanwhile, as per PP, why would you even think to let it go?

Oh, and I”d include the tenner too - doing her a favour if she’s really forgetful, and will wake up in 6 months with a fright realising she forgot all about it (not that I’ve ever done that ).

I know I am a pessimist but please say the money has been put through OP?!!

I left my wallet behind once when meeting a friend for dinner, I transferred my half whilst in the restaurant. I would send your bank details with a cheery message. Its month end so presumably pay day too

I forgot my purse once and I was mortified, found out at the point the bill came 😬. I transferred the money straight away to my friend via ‘pay your contacts’. There are ways & means of doing it straight away mid you really truly intend to pay! They found like CF’s t me, trying to get you to cover their bill!

Urgh my typos ! Sorry. Hope you get the gist. (They are CF’s).

I gave her bank details last night and we exchanged a few other texts (but before some of you suggested adding the £10 so o didn’t do that). She hasn’t transferred it yet but hopefully she will today

And I’m future I won’t pay her for something in advance (the event) as basically she was going to get us tickets and then we couldn’t get them but she didn’t give me the money back

I mentioned it last time I saw her in May as she said they never came back to her about the waitlist and I said “but didn’t we pay them?” bacuase I had paid her(!) and she had forgotten about that. She was apologetic and said she’d give it to me next time but she should have offered to to transfer it as I then didn’t se her again until last night by which time she’d obviously forgot again.

I don’t think it’s deliberate with her but it’s slightly annoying!

I'd definitely pester her for this money OP. A normal person would be mortified to have gone out with no money at all and would pay you back ASAP. Sounds like she has firm for being forgetful when it comes to paying people back. If she doesn't pay you soon send a reminder text and say that she can add on the £10 from xyz tickets.

Why are you being so silly about the £10, she forgot about it so why don’t you remind her. Send a text and say that you’ve just remembered about the £10 and can she add it to the payment.

There is no reason for you to be so awkward and embarrassed about it.

If I had forgotten I owed a friend money I would want to be reminded.

I do just feel embarrassed asking especially as it’s a smaller amount! I just feel so tight 🙊

I’d be more inclined to hint at it and say oh and obviously I won’t be going to that event now I’m pregnant. It was a cocktails thing and she had said they put us on the waitlist but it was obvious even in May/June we weren’t going to end up going and I told her last night I’m pregnant so I’m not drinking...

Or just say “I won’t be going to that event now since I’m not drinking so please would you also transfer me the money I have you for that at the same time”

Would you think your friend was right for brining that up months later??

I would leave the ten to be honest.
Maybe send her a text though reminding her about her half! You could say you're not sure if your banking online is working , did she send it as it's not showing?

I find hinting at things annoying.

If you borrow money off people you wouldn't dream of thinking they were tight for wanting it repaid. I'd find it insulting if someone thought that little of me!

Just ask for it back and stop fussing about it.

For any future events/outings if you are booking anything you need to say can I get the cash before booking. Don’t book until it’s paid. If dining out and they’ve forgotten their purse say you’ve only got enough for your own.
I know it might seem ruthless to some people and not the way to act with friends, however from the other side I’d be mortified at my friends having to be out of pocket for me and would do my utmost to pay them back straight away.

I texted her as I was trying to tell her about a tv show last night and couldn’t remember so I looked it up and texted her

Also our last texts last night were about me being pregnant so I followed on from that and said obviously I won’t be going to the gin festival we discussed or that other even if they ever offer us a space

And mentioned I’d be up for a show or something as DH was wanting to so that and I’m up for doing something fun if I can sit down!

That’s it’s though. I’m not going to say anything else and haven’t mentioned transferring money today

I do consider her a good friend and would be happy to go out as a four again as we had fun last night so don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable

That’s why it’s annoying when things like this happen!

DH is the kind who’d say “it’s ok we’ll get this on, you can get the next one” which is why I felt right letting her give me half

But then DH can’t say anything as I paid for us!!

Thanks for the advice

I will update you when (hopefully) she’s pays just so you know

And if you have to say “ have you got that money you owe me” then they are the ones that should be embarrassed,not you for having to ask

@bimbobaggins well yes ‘cause she took the money from me in advance for the event we ended up not going to!

But she has never forgotten her purse before so I’m hoping it’s a one off