To ask whether I should let friends pay?

[AliceRR]

DH and I went out for dinner with my friend and her boyfriend who I have met once but who is very nice.

She suggested an Italian place not far from us and we went there. It was really nice and we had a lovely evening.

We’ve only all been out together once before and that was when we were out at a restaurant for my birthday and everyone paid for themselves. Otherwise she and I usually go out the two of us and just split the bill down the middle.

They both somehow forgot their wallets and she did let me know about half an hour before we got there. She said we don’t have money so will have to transfer it to you.8 said ok that’s fine.

So we went out and then I paid for all of us (I had already agreed with DH I would pay for us!)

Anyway they mentioned in passing my friend transferring the money to me but not blatantly so I didn’t say anything but she will probably text l and ask for my bank details.

It occurs to me I should say that I should say it’s fine, we’ll get this one, and hopefully they would get the next one. But I feel like she’s the kind of friend who would forget(!) and he might just not know as he probably just expects she’ll transfer it to me.

I am 20w pregnant and saving up for mat leave so don’t just have money to throw away plus they probably earn the same as us between them.

What do you think?

I have her money earlier this year for an event that was cancelled and she didn’t end up paying for. It was not a lot, about £10 and she forgot about it. The last time I saw her (June maybe) it came up and she was apologetic and said sorry she forgot I’d given that to her and would sort it out next time but presumably forgot again. Tonight was more than £10 obviously...

That’s what makes me wonder if she’d just forget...

Get in the car and drive over there.Much harder to not pay you when you are standing in front of her.

Ask her again in 2 days if she hasn’t paid you. It’s so out of order to keep trying the get away with not paying you

This is bloody ridiculous. You need to stop being so vague and just ask for the money she said she would transfer. Stop being a doormat Op, or people will walk all over you.

To me this is such a mountain out of a molehill. She forgot her wallet, then she texted you to ask for bank details. All you need do so is text her and say "have you transferred the cash yet?" Reading through, I'm not immediately thinking that you have no chance of getting your cash. You're stressing far too soon!

Honestly they are at it. If it were true, I'd of been mortified in her position and apologised profusely and said I'm really sorry we can't make it unless you dont mind me transferring you the cash as soon as the bill comes and using your card. And I absolutely would of transferred what we owed as soon as the bill came so you weren't out of pocket.

FFS OP grow a backbone! You are being taken for a mug by your so called 'friend'.

Tell her you need the money asap for a bill you had forgotten is due - just get your money back, plus the £10 and find better friends.

Don't let it go. Ask them to pay up. One person okay- it happens. Once I didn't have cash on me and the place I was at didn't take card payments. Two people sounds fake.

She thinks you're a soft touch. Keep texting and tell her you need her to do it by tonight. It's not like you bought her a cup of coffee this was an expensive meal.

Just text her 'Can you transfer the money today please?' Why do you need to creep around the subject.

I'd be so embarrassed if I were her. She should have transferred the money straight away on her phone and apologised for forgetting her wallet.

DH and I go out with a couple for sinner every few months and take it in turns to pay. I've noticed they always suggest somewhere extortionate when it's our turn to pay and when it's theirs it's a local pizza or pasta place that they rave about but ends up being very cheap and cheerful. I'm still angry about the last time we went out and ended up picking up a huge bill of £270 and they did an £70 one.

But Laac why would you let that happen?!

They basically owe you £200. When it’s your turn to pay and they suggest somewhere ridiculous surely ‘oh god no that’s far too expensive, especially when we went to pizza express last time when you paid’ is simple to say? I don’t get how these situations happen.

Laac you need to put a stop to that arrangement! Honestly all these CF who are happy to let others pay their food are utter piss takers.

Laac
I'm pissed off on your behalf. Next time they suggest somewhere expensive for your turn say I've already book in to a great (cheap) place but we'll do that next month when it's your turn.

Laac I don't understand why you allow this to happen. As I said to the OP, these people are taking you for a mug and you need better friends.

Laac why on Earth are you lying down taking this?

Laac. You need to take some responsibility for these things. I think it’s weird to allow yourself to get ripped off like that and continue to do nothing about it.

Tall her you have direct debits coming out of that account and want your money back straight away to cover them , get tough , if she's genuinely a friend she will not mess you around

@cardiffqueen I explained above that rhe original point wasn’t that I was stressed she hadn’t paid, it was that I wondered whether I should be saying “no it’s ok you just get the next one when she offered to pay”

But then she didn’t pay and she didn’t get in touch all of yesterday and this just reinforced an idea that I already have that she can be a bit unreliable and might “forget” to pay next time... or they could forget their wallets again!

@Laac That is annoying. I am glad I decided against the more expensive place (although it wasn’t jusg the piece it was largely the menu!)

This is why it is better just to go halves!

When you say ‘forget to bring their wallets’ and ‘forget to pay you back’ do you mean ‘take advantage of their pregnant friend’?

I would be very concerned about such a 'forgetful' person - they both forget their wallets, she has already forgotten to pay you for another bill and now she has forgotten to pay you again, on top of forgetting the wallet. I think you are being had - not nice in a so called 'friend'.

She had transferred me the money for the meal. She ignored the tenner and hasn’t responded re that and hasn’t replied to say she’s sent it so maybe she’s annoyed by me raising

Oh well. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong and next time will be careful about money with her. Eg if she was buying us tickets for something I’ll give her the money once she gets it or buy my own!

Frankly if your friend is annoyed with you for raising the fact she owes you money from a long time ago she’s fuck all of a friend.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong per se op. But I think your friends a bit shit to be honest. If I owed money I would falling over myself to pay it back. Any decent friend would. Can you not see this?

Yep she's a CF & she's pissed off because you haven't let her 'forget'.

She had transferred me the money for the meal. She ignored the tenner and hasn’t responded re that and hasn’t replied to say she’s sent it so maybe she’s annoyed by me raising

Yes she probably is pissed off because she thought she was getting a free meal and it didn't pan out. Any normal person would be mortified to arrive at an expensive restaurant without any money (especially as a couple!). I would have transferred you the money the second I got home and would have apologised profusely. You would never have had to chase me up.