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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether I should let friends pay?

198 replies

AliceRR · 28/09/2018 21:43

DH and I went out for dinner with my friend and her boyfriend who I have met once but who is very nice.

She suggested an Italian place not far from us and we went there. It was really nice and we had a lovely evening.

We’ve only all been out together once before and that was when we were out at a restaurant for my birthday and everyone paid for themselves. Otherwise she and I usually go out the two of us and just split the bill down the middle.

They both somehow forgot their wallets and she did let me know about half an hour before we got there. She said we don’t have money so will have to transfer it to you.8 said ok that’s fine.

So we went out and then I paid for all of us (I had already agreed with DH I would pay for us!)

Anyway they mentioned in passing my friend transferring the money to me but not blatantly so I didn’t say anything but she will probably text l and ask for my bank details.

It occurs to me I should say that I should say it’s fine, we’ll get this one, and hopefully they would get the next one. But I feel like she’s the kind of friend who would forget(!) and he might just not know as he probably just expects she’ll transfer it to me.

I am 20w pregnant and saving up for mat leave so don’t just have money to throw away plus they probably earn the same as us between them.

What do you think?

I have her money earlier this year for an event that was cancelled and she didn’t end up paying for. It was not a lot, about £10 and she forgot about it. The last time I saw her (June maybe) it came up and she was apologetic and said sorry she forgot I’d given that to her and would sort it out next time but presumably forgot again. Tonight was more than £10 obviously...

That’s what makes me wonder if she’d just forget...

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 29/09/2018 12:31

If she doesn't pay up then next time you definitely need to say, "Oh, by the way, you never paid us back last time, so tonight's on you, okay?"

Foodylicious · 29/09/2018 12:31

Can you send a message asking her to let you know when she has transferred the money, so you can check it has gone through properly?

I hope you included all their drinks on their Bill, but also that it wasn't too much for him as he was driving...

Missingstreetlife · 29/09/2018 12:34

Get the money off her and never pay for her again, even if you have to leave her to do the washing up
Why didn't he give you euros

Missingstreetlife · 29/09/2018 12:36

What's the problem about edit button, you can preview msg

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2018 12:37

Sounds like you're happy being mugged off, so, well, fill your boots.

Bimgy85 · 29/09/2018 12:39

These people know what they're doing

No one in their right mind 'forgets their wallet' while meeting a friend for dinner and also their Dp forgets too?

She's having you on OP
Speak up and ask for the gig tickets money too

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/09/2018 12:45

Where were the boyfriends bank cards? I think they were trying to get a free meal out of you.

Has she paid yet?

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2018 12:51

I also suspect they went out and couldn't afford it. Curious to know when she pays you back, ie if it will be after she gets paid, or today.

elessar · 29/09/2018 12:53

I don't really understand the issue...

Okay it's a been weird to both 'forget' wallets, but you've been good friends with her for a long time, she's always paid her share before when you've been out, she said straightaway she would transfer you their share and texted you after the evening to ask for your bank details and what they owed.

Doesn't strike me that she's some massive CF trying to wiggle her way out of paying - it wouldn't even occur to me to worry about this until it gets to maybe a day or two later with no sign of any money being sent.

And FWIW if that was to happen I'd just send a nudge saying 'hey can you let me know when you send the bank transfer and I'll let you know it arrives - nothing has come through yet FYI' or something similar. Obviously if she keeps delaying then there's a cause for concern, but up until this point I wouldn't even worry.

As for the £10, I can see it's mildly annoying but honestly I'd just let it go at this point unless you want to remind her to add it onto the bank transfer, which would be perfectly fine. But I don't think there's a real cause to believe she's a CF for forgetting about such a small amount.

Aridane · 29/09/2018 13:13

I agree with eleesar

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2018 13:19

Bet they didn't forget their phones. Yet they were unable to transfer funds using those? Funny that. My arse they both forgot their wallets.

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2018 13:38

Well it is a day later. Has she paid yet op?

And seriously, she forgot her wallet, he only had euros, he didn't have a bank card, so they couldn't stop for cash.

Righto.

RayneDash · 29/09/2018 14:12

I forgot my purse when meeting friend. Transferred her money online before the bill. They are CF

Original poster
AliceRR · 29/09/2018 14:12

@elessar yes my view was same as yours tbh my issue was I felt tight not saying “it’s fine, we’ll get this one”

But it also would t surprise if she didn’t pay today and then forgot as I think she is slightly forgetful

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 29/09/2018 14:44

The £10 i might let go.But op has paid for a trip,didnt go and dint get paid back.And then the dinner last night,where they "forgot their wallets".

They are taking the piss.They know the op wont chase them for the money.

I wouldnt bother with the texts,i would just go around there now @AliceRR and ask them for the money.They have a brass neck so you need the ssme.

fuzzywuzzy · 29/09/2018 15:01

The friend took the money and didn’t book the event, and instead said they were on a waiting list.

Ask for everything back.

Original poster
AliceRR · 29/09/2018 16:27

No she hasn’t paid yet as far as I’m aware but transactions don’t always show straight away on a weekend, is that right?

For example I also can’t see the money I paid out at th restaurant last night altho I can see my “available balance” has gone down

She also hasn’t been in touch today or replied to my text from earlier

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceRR · 29/09/2018 16:30

I’m on Natwest BTW

The thing is people sometimes don’t have the spare cash. I know people who wouldn’t have an extra £60 or whatever in their account to pay for another couple’s meal even if they were going to get it back after a couple of days or weeks

It’s not like I had a choice. She just said we don’t have our wallets and it’s too late to go back home so I’ll have to transfer it to you

I’ll be annoyed if she doesn’t get back to me today

OP posts:
MadisonMontgomery · 29/09/2018 16:36

I thought friend to friend transactions always went through straight away - they have when I’ve done it before.

brighteyeowl17 · 29/09/2018 17:07

I had a friend who was always ‘forgetting’ her purse and asking people at work to get her a sandwich at lunch. She never gave us the money and it wasn’t until a few of us had a chat we realised she must never have bought her own food she just went around asking different people. She got rally arsey when I once asked her for money. It is a touchy subject but it shouldn’t be. If your friend hasn’t paid you just text saying you have not noticed it your account could she check it sent or something. Don’t let it go as maybe that’s what she is hoping for! If she’s dragged it or doesn’t sound like she plans to pay, probably hoping you were going to say oh just leave it.

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2018 17:18

She's not forgetful. She knows exactly what she's doing. As pointed out, it's easy to use your phone to transfer money. Anyone who isn't a pisstaking CF would be mortified they 'forgot' their purses and either cancel the occasion or immediately pay up. She's hoping you won't pester her. That's not on. Has she paid up yet? 'Hate to be a bear, but I really do need the money for your meals. Sure you'll understand. x'

fc301 · 29/09/2018 17:29

I'm irate on your behalf! CF!! 😡

user1471426142 · 29/09/2018 17:34

I’d be suspicious to be honest. Most people have faster pavements. If it had been me, I’d have transferred the money there and then. I hate owing people money. Some people just don’t seem to mind though. I’ve had friends that haven’t paid me back when I’ve lent them smaller amounts and I mentally note not to ever get into a reciprocal or lending situation again.im quite happy to lend or do turns with people that have the same outlook that I do though.

Aridane · 29/09/2018 17:35

So,if I read this right. Friend forgot Waller, OP paid. Same night friend texted and asked for bank details to repay. That’s it?

burnoutbabe · 29/09/2018 17:43

to be fair, I'd probably NOT transfer money there and then in a restaurant, just because everyone says don't do financial transactions over "free" wifi and the normal signal in some places is bad. Trying to add bank details when a bit drunk and in a dimly lit restaurant seems like a recipe for disaster.
But i would have texted when home to ask for bank details and then done it the next morning (and then texted to say i had done it)

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