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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask whether I should let friends pay?

198 replies

AliceRR · 28/09/2018 21:43

DH and I went out for dinner with my friend and her boyfriend who I have met once but who is very nice.

She suggested an Italian place not far from us and we went there. It was really nice and we had a lovely evening.

We’ve only all been out together once before and that was when we were out at a restaurant for my birthday and everyone paid for themselves. Otherwise she and I usually go out the two of us and just split the bill down the middle.

They both somehow forgot their wallets and she did let me know about half an hour before we got there. She said we don’t have money so will have to transfer it to you.8 said ok that’s fine.

So we went out and then I paid for all of us (I had already agreed with DH I would pay for us!)

Anyway they mentioned in passing my friend transferring the money to me but not blatantly so I didn’t say anything but she will probably text l and ask for my bank details.

It occurs to me I should say that I should say it’s fine, we’ll get this one, and hopefully they would get the next one. But I feel like she’s the kind of friend who would forget(!) and he might just not know as he probably just expects she’ll transfer it to me.

I am 20w pregnant and saving up for mat leave so don’t just have money to throw away plus they probably earn the same as us between them.

What do you think?

I have her money earlier this year for an event that was cancelled and she didn’t end up paying for. It was not a lot, about £10 and she forgot about it. The last time I saw her (June maybe) it came up and she was apologetic and said sorry she forgot I’d given that to her and would sort it out next time but presumably forgot again. Tonight was more than £10 obviously...

That’s what makes me wonder if she’d just forget...

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 30/09/2018 18:03

I wouldn't have paid for them in the first place, I'd have just said that's a shame, well have to go another time.
Glad you have got your money back. In future don't be paying for basically chancers.

LeftRightCentre · 30/09/2018 18:07

Spot on, Hundreds. She thought you were going to drop it and she'd get a free meal. Most people would be mortified at both forgetting their wallets and used their phone to transfer on the spot or done it immediately after they got home.

I just asked a friend of mine to petsit for an upcoming holiday. She offered to do it for free but I said NO WAY because she has to use petrol to come over and her time as well and she's someone we trust. I immediately transferred money to her in advance because to do otherwise is CF territory. Who uses mates like that? Only a CF.

LeftRightCentre · 30/09/2018 18:08

If mates offer to send me things I always ask what form of compensation they would like and if they say nothing I still find a way to get them some money at least for p&p because well, who takes the piss out of mates like this?

0hCrepe · 30/09/2018 18:13

im Sure your friend would be straight on it if it were the other way round, people like that usually are! I’d leave the £10 thing but in future just be careful.

Original poster
AliceRR · 30/09/2018 18:13

I agree. If she’s annoyed at having to pay her way then that’s her problem.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 30/09/2018 18:18

She’s really not much of a friend.

She and her partner ate and drank loads when you aren’t drinking, their half of the bill was probably a lot more than yours. And she’s acting resentful for having to pay for what she and her DP ate? She’s a CF.

Don’t lend her any money ever in future, or pay for her. If she turns up without her purse ever again walk out of the restaurant.

toxic44 · 30/09/2018 19:07

Scroungers don't always look what they are. Both forgot their money? Couldn't transfer their share via their phones on the night? She owes you money from before and 'forgets' about it? They've seen you coming. If they are hard faced enough to sponge, you can be hard faced enough to ask her to pay up.

pteradactyl · 30/09/2018 19:30

Glad you got your money back. Definitely CF's though. In that situation, I would be so embarrased that if I genuinely couldn't transfer it there and then via phone, I would do it as soon as I got home. I'm pretty sure 95% of the population would be the same

elessar · 30/09/2018 20:03

I really would let it go OP - I wouldn't assume she's annoyed or was trying to get out of paying. She's paid you fairly quickly after the event, yes you did chase her for it, maybe she's slightly irritable that you've chased her as she was always planning to send it and feels as if you don't trust her (which you don't).

You weren't in the wrong, but she hasn't really done anything wrong either - she's never given you the idea before that she's tried to wriggle out of paying her share so I really would just move on as if nothing has happened - as in reality, it hasn't!

The ten quid - perhaps she remembers differently, perhaps she thinks you're being petty - but honestly I would just forget about this now.

EK36 · 30/09/2018 20:30

I find it odd that both forgot their wallets?! One just had euros?! What about PayPal friends & family on their phones? They had no credit cards at all?! What if they broke down in the car..how would they get petrol/repairs etc. Think it's rubbish..sorry. Think she was hoping you'd pay and forget all about it. Next time you meet up, if they claim to have forgotten their wallets again then say, "We' ll meet up next time when you have your wallets".

Aridane · 30/09/2018 20:40

Friend forgot wallet. Texted after meal to ask for bank details to pay her share. Friend paid her share. No drama.

sjonlegs · 30/09/2018 20:57

Don't be taken - a cheery text saying what a lovely time was had - your half of the bill comes to £? + the £10 you owe me and that's that - jobs done. If they are truly a friend they'll apologise wholeheartedly and pay up quick smart ...

If they don't cough up that's a 'friendship' that I'd be steering clear of in future!!

Original poster
AliceRR · 30/09/2018 20:58

Yes I’m just doing to leave it as it now but will be more careful

We have exchanged a couple of brief texts

I do consider her a good friend and don’t want to fall out over something small but can’t say I have an apetite to meet up immediately

But then I’m tired now so maybe just in a bad mood!

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 30/09/2018 23:06

Pleased to hear she paid up. I hope she sends the tenner too, because although relatively small it'll always cast a sour note, and you have reminded her. It'd be crap of her not to pay that.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 30/09/2018 23:29

Who forgets their wallets when the go out? In my experience - people who never intended to pay. As you have indicated she would like your bank details so she can pay - why not suggest you’d prefer the cash and meet for a coffee?

Laac · 01/10/2018 09:08

I'm glad she's paid for her half of the meal OP.

To those saying about the couple we go out with- it was only after the last one I noticed a pattern and flagged it to DH... he agreed but and acknowledged I may have a point. It's their turn to pay next time, we don't have a date in the diary yet but I'm going to suggest a very naice place!

Original poster
AliceRR · 01/10/2018 09:10

@Laac Good for you! Enjoy 😊

OP posts:
TommyJoesMummy · 01/10/2018 16:03

I hope you didn't split it in half, and gave them their bill?
And when you say you 'don't trust her not to forget' can you just be honest with yourself and say that you 'don't trust her to pay you back'?
People who are comfortable spending other people's money usually are the life and soul, and fun to be out with! Then, very quiet about paying back in the hope that you'll stop asking... and you have! 👏🏻
Seriously, call her. And never pay for more than your own again. Ridiculous

Original poster
AliceRR · 01/10/2018 18:53

@TommyJoesMummy

We split it in half

We had similar priced starters and mains, DH and I had a pudding and coffee between them, they had a pudding between them and the three of them shared a bottle of wine so it was probably not far off 50:50

She has paid now.

I don’t know what you mean about being honest with myself. I believe she is not dishonest and wouldn’t deliberately try to get out of paying but can be a bit lackadaisical so would easily forget. That’s just what I think. I may be doing her no justice even in saying that!

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 01/10/2018 20:34

@Tommy that is a massive projection. I am 'the life and soul' and try not only pay my share but be generous as times with my friend's and family are precious.

sofato5miles · 01/10/2018 20:34

The apostrophe was a bastard auto correct

TommyJoesMummy · 01/10/2018 21:09

I mean that you keep repeating that you 'don't trust her... not to forget' which sounds like you are trying to give a reason that's reasonable to not think she would pay.
About splitting the bill-it sounded like she'd also had the bigger half. Obviously not, so fair enough.

And I'm not projecting. A lot of people can be the 'life and soul' of the party, but some of those are people who can happily do it loudly and shy away from the bill, when someone else has already said they'll cover it.
I'm not saying you would happily do that, but that I've noticed a lot of people who do, and then go quiet

Original poster
AliceRR · 01/10/2018 21:50

@TommyJoesMummy I know someone who is exactly what you would call “the life and soul” and she is unreliable. She says yes to everything and then is late or drops out or just doesn’t do what she’s promised (not necessarily with paying for things burbwill generally offer to do things and not do it) So I kind of know what you mean but not sure it applies to this friend

OP posts:
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