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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

222 replies

Onlyfools · 11/09/2018 20:28

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 11/09/2018 20:29

In your shoes I would work in the higher paid role FT. DH will need to do his fair share.

catgirl1976 · 11/09/2018 20:29

Depends which you would enjoy most if you don't need the money.

Your children will be fine either way.

Loopytiles · 11/09/2018 20:30

When you say “we don”t need the money” is that short term? Do you have your own pension and so on sorted?

If not then you, personally, MAY need your personal earning power in the future.

catgirl1976 · 11/09/2018 20:30

But if you work evenings and weekends, when will you see your DH or get time as a family? On balance I would take the FT job.

Kpo58 · 11/09/2018 20:31

I wouldn't go for the evening/weekend receptionist as you will never be able to spend time as a family.

Bluntness100 · 11/09/2018 20:31

Do what makes you happy. Personally I wouldn't chose to work evenings and weekends, and your kids will be fine.

anotherangel2 · 11/09/2018 20:32

I would go for the full time otherwise you will have no family time all together.

Make sure you buy in the help you both need, gardening, cleaning and online shopping etc

Airbiscuits · 11/09/2018 20:32

FT job. Every time. I lost myself as a SAHM.

TulipsInBloom1 · 11/09/2018 20:33

Dh and I both work ft and have done throughout (I have done 2x 6month mat leaves). Dc are 3 and 6. So I think its fine. Great infact. Dh and I do have a proper 50/50 set up though.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 11/09/2018 20:33

I would think...

I wish I'd done that so I had a better pension and more equity in my house

KickAssAngel · 11/09/2018 20:33

I worked FT from when DD was 4 months. Worked just fine for us.

jollyjester · 11/09/2018 20:34

Ft role but hire a cleaner so you dont end up wasting your weekends clearing up after everyone

Original poster
Onlyfools · 11/09/2018 20:34

Thanks for the input.

It’s not every evening and every weekend. The part tome role is £10 an hour and earning between £200-£500 so not that many hours per week. So I would still get plenty family time.

And no I don’t pay into any pension etc so would be good to start again with the full time job.

Oh works from home so could help with dinners etc.

I’m just unsure. I know I have so much potential but just find myself doubting myself.

OP posts:
Millybingbong · 11/09/2018 20:35

Id try to negotiate short hours or 4 days a week - any chance of that?

Original poster
Onlyfools · 11/09/2018 20:37

Hmm I’m not sure. I already feel lucky to get an interview in a related field after being away for 2.5 years. I wouldn’t want to rock the boat if there was a chance I was getting the job. Perhaps after a year in the job.

OP posts:
Yura · 11/09/2018 20:37

We do - both on full time jobs, 2 kids (5 years, 18 months). Husband does his share, we don’t need to win the cleanest house award, and we both will have pensions and a life after children. As farblos i‘m Concerned it’s the smart thing to do

Awrite · 11/09/2018 20:37

Go for the full time, more fulfilling job. Look after your future, this may be of great benefit to your children should anything happen to your dh.

Pension too, should be a consideration.

I have always worked full time. Same age gap. Hard work but I am way happier than if I were s sahm.

MaisyPops · 11/09/2018 20:38

I'd go for the one that is better for you and your security. Make sure you talk with DH about how house stuff will be split because it would be wrong for you to start work and have to do the lions share at home as well.

Sarahandduck18 · 11/09/2018 20:40

Ft work

Think of your pensions

NameChange30 · 11/09/2018 20:41

I would think it’s none of my business! Every family does what works for them.

I agree with PPs about the evening/weekend job, I’d hate that. If you work full time your 7 year old is at school for most of that time anyway and your 2 year old has already had 2 years with you full time, they will presumably get some free/subsidised nursery hours when they turn 3, so I think it makes sense really.

It’s really important for the children and for you to have happy and fulfilled parents who are good role models. Some parents are happier working and some are happier being SAHPs, both are valid choices.

Personally I’m enjoying working part time atm but my son is a toddler (18 months) and I would like to increase my hours as he gets older.

Do you think there might be an option to do the full time job for 4 days a week instead? If they offer you the job maybe you could ask - the worst that could happen is they say no.

NameChange30 · 11/09/2018 20:42

Oh cross posts! I was slow writing mine!

Fatted · 11/09/2018 20:43

Definitely FT!

I've worked part time evenings since my 3YO was born. It was great at first but now 5YO is in school all day and 3YO goes half days in nursery. I'm bored at home when the kids are there and I never get time in the evenings with eldest. I also do every other weekend and they are so stressful because I feel like I am counting down until I go to work. Plus getting in at 11 pm every night and getting up early with the kids for school is exhausting. Plus I don't really like the job but took it cos the hours and money suited.

I start my new FT job soon and I can't wait. I'm going to be doing something I enjoy. Plus I'll have more time with the family in the evenings and weekends can be all about family.

Coldilox · 11/09/2018 20:45

I work 40 hours, DW works 32 hours so. It quite full time. Never occurred to either of us that one of us would give up our careers that we've worked hard for. She gets a day a week off, and MIL does one day a week childcare most weeks (although we could afford for her not to, she offered we didn't ask). We take turns to take a day off when our 4 year old is ill. He's been in a private nursery since he was 10 months.

There are no issues. He is secure, he socialises well with other kids and nursery have been fab helping with some speech and language issues and building his confidence. We both pull our weight round the house. We're busy but we manage.

cadburyegg · 11/09/2018 20:45

Personally, money aside, I wouldn't do either with a 2 year old. Given the choice I would work part time during the week. I'd reconsider when both kids in school full time.

TulipsInBloom1 · 11/09/2018 20:48

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Is this something your dh has ever considered?