What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

[Onlyfools]

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

As above. Many families I know have a DH commuting in and out of London. It’s impossible for anyone to tell you what will work. I agree with everyone who says it’s possible, but it’s not possible in every situation. How flexible is DH? Who will wake in the night with the 2yo? (If DH has a long commute by car you might have to wake.) I am so often tempted back into work but right now my family needs me around in order to function most effectively.

*DP

Working full time with young dcs is tough - when both of you are in stressful jobs. For me that’s the crunch - how stressful will you both be? I found that when dh and I were both stressed, we brought it home as it was difficult to switch off. It wasn’t fair on the dcs - things like we’d hurry them to bed for a break despite not seeing them much in the day, would have the odd glass of wine of an evening and wake up slightly grumpily and groggy the next day. Etc etc.

But hey, we’ve got decent pensions and when we are old we will be financially secure.

It’s a balance - I think you should strive to enjoy life now, not just save for the future. So take the job, see how it goes - give it 6 months then evaluate options.

@oneweekleft you do realise some children thrive in a nursery environment. Of course the nursery workers don't have the same feelings towards the children as their parents but they can provide top notch care and do develop close bonds. As the for not teaching the the same values .....well you choose a nursery that you feel comfortable with and that matches your own outlook. Its no bad thing for children to experience a range of people and different environments.

Disclaimer - DH and I have always worked FT, with ds in ft nursery from 4.5 months old, zero family help so I might be biased. DS is now 12.

I'd go for the FT job, and if after 18 months (so a full cycle of the school year plus settling time) it really doesn't work for you as a family, then you can find something different. But with your OH wfh so they can take in an online shopping delivery/ stick a wash on while the kettle boils/ switch on the slow cooker at lunchtime and you working so locally I think its incredibly doable.

I wfh (though I travel) and this morning I had the Ocado delivery, put two loads of washing to dry, another load on, and the dishwasher loaded before sitting down to work (on conf call now waiting for my bit). DH is away 3 days a week currently and it's still OK though we have upped the cleaner hours to 6 a week now. Our only other help these days is a babysitter who we use occasionally when our travel schedules collide.

Interesting role, 5 min commute? It's a no brainer

If you wait until your youngest is at school, then your skills will be less up to date / relevant, and it would likely be more difficult to land a suitable role

You said you “don’t need the money”, but also that you don’t have a pension. So you actually DO need money. And personal earning power.

Part time roles usually go to existing employees: it may well be that if you start full time a good PT opportunity will come up.

It's not about opinions, is it. Like myself being a single mum with a mortgage there was absolutely no question that I had to go back to work.

It is opinion, though. My opinion, for example, is that it is better for young children to be looked after by one person who loves them.

That does not mean that I don’t understand that for many people this is impossible/very difficult. An opinion is what you think the best possible option in the best of all possible worlds is. Most of us here in the real world choose the least worst option. And that’s fine. Of course.

I would take the full time job, especially if it will be more fullfilling, use your skills and have potential to progress. The children will be fine, your other half may need to pull his weight a bit more but raising the family should be equal responsibility of both parents.
I work 4 days a week but started back full time initially then negotiated a decrease in hours. Maybe you could start full time then diwn the track reduce hours

Sometimes it is about opinions. Whether to have dual income with a larger mortgage, better holidays etc. or a smaller home with more time spent with children and fewer holidays. Very much a balancing act and I don’t think anyone can advise what is best for the OP without being in her shoes. OP, you could apply and interview, and even see how it goes. But don’t let destroy you if it’s too much. I am grateful for insightful friends who have advised me not to take on too much even when tempted! It is much harder to leave once you have started in the role.

I'd go for the full time job every time - 9-5 with a 5 minute commute and a oh who works from home - it doesn't get much better and you likely won't get such a chance again in the future. Mine are 13 and 10 now but dh and I have both always worked FT - it really isn't that difficult and the children will love socialising with others. If you don't take this chance you may regret it in the future. If you take it and it doesn't work out after say 6 months then resign!

It is much harder to leave once you have started in the role.

Actually it is dead easy to leave a job. Take it from me who makes strategic job moves every few years. Almost the best thing about a job is leaving it. No one is indispensable. This is speaking as a manager.

DH and I have always worked FT in fairly senior professional jobs. It works fine and we and the DC are happy with our set up.

On a side note, I doubt the other parents at school are aware of our employment status. As we both have flexibility, we do all drop offs and some pick ups between us. We also don't miss school events such as sport's day. So the parents who don't know us would probably assume we work part time as they don't know about the mornings when I start work at 6 or the evenings where we are still working at midnight.

At the age of 2, it's a good time for nursery. With just a 5 minute commute the full time role sounds perfect, you could negotiate down to part-time after a year if all goes well. I really wouldn't give up evening and weekend time if you have any other choice, that'll be too hard on your relationship with your partner and you're downgrading your worth on your CV. Go for the full time role and good luck!

It is opinion, though. My opinion, for example, is that it is better for young children to be looked after by one person who loves them. That does not mean that I don’t understand that for many people this is impossible/very difficult. An opinion is what you think the best possible option in the best of all possible worlds is. Most of us here in the real world choose the least worst option. And that’s fine. Of course

Okay, I'll bite. It's your opinion that it's best for young children to be at home with a parent. No problem with that. However, you seem to imply that parents who work do so through necessity, not choice. That's not always the case

I don’t mean it’s hard to leave practically. But even if I was struggling I would find it very hard to convince myself to leave, even if others suggested It would be better. Starting full time and trying to reduce to part time might be a feasible option if necessary. Depends very much on nature of the job too. I was teaching which was not an opportunity to switch off from small children.

It is about burning bridges. One option (very pt job, SAHM) is likely to lock OP out of her ideal job and chosen profession which she worked hard for. The other will keep her options open and allows her to change her mind.

OP needs stimulation and more from her life. It is a no-brainer IMO.

Once OP has more seniority and experience, she can ask to work flexibly. If she gets to the stage where she gets a team under her, she can rely on her managers to hold the fort. The money is liberating, particularly for the children, who have more options in terms of their education and lack of debts.

In terms of opinions, is it better for a child to be looked after by one parent in their younger years or for the child to have the option of activities, tutors, schools and graduating from university debt free. Unless using childcare in early years is harmful (which I cannot see it is), I would say the latter brings more tangible and long term benefits.

As a parent, I play the long game.

oneweekleft We pay for more nursery than we need (3 days rather than 2) because DS age 2 1/2 loves it so much. This morning he barralled into his key workers arms for a cuddle without so much as a goodbye for me!
I love seeing him begin to navigate the world independently and come home to tell me about it (admittedly all he tells me about is lunch and who didn't do sharing)

I think it’s pretty normal to have two parents working - right? I would take the ft role if I were you. Evenings without job security doesn’t sound great. The kids will be fine in nursery.

I would look at your own past experience to inform this: you worked ft with a young child and missed him. But I'm guessing you now have the family support which was missing then? So it might be different? But you also say you're very attached to your dc2. I'd probably try it in your position and you can always leave if it really doesn't work.

I'm currently self employed/sahm but youngest has just started school and I can definitely relate to the restless feeling. The most important thing is a fulfilled parent as happy parent = happy child. I'm losing myself as a sahm...

Oh, and your oh definitely needs to step up if you do go for the job. Dh works from home and has nearly always been part time so he can do his share of drop offs and child care before they started school. Until men start requesting it of their employers, it will remain a taboo and 'Not the done thing'

one other thing - degrees loose their values. you will hear of many people on musnet etc who apparently had s phantastic career after staying at home for 3+ years. in real
life, i know nobody who has. most of my friends with extended times off are either still at home (we are all
mid 40s) and utterly dependent on their husbands, in "hobby" type enjoyable jobs (and utterly dependent on husbands), or in really badly paid service jobs after husband has died/left (a good degree and a long break
means your degree isn't worth a lot - at the till in tescos is not a great job)

“Women who have invested lots in education and training and the dream of having a fulfilling and meaningful career”

Or women who prioritise retaining financial independence and personal ability to earn money in the labour market after becoming a parent. Like almost all men do by default.

It is very doable, as there are afterschool clubs which no doubt DC 7 would enjoy. Afterschool is not very expensive, I used to pay £10 a day they collect child from school and feed them a healthy snack too.

Do you have family who might be able to have 2 year old 1 or 2 days week cutting down your costs with nursery?

I think getting back into the field which you studied in is a brilliant idea, very soon kids will be in secondary school and no longer need you. Also we are a two parent working household and it works for us and nobody misses out and it is good to have the funds available for willy nilly things.