What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

[Onlyfools]

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

I have to add a comment here because I do think there is a strong bias on some threads towards fulltime work as the 'norm'.

I am a professional - I have a degree and am successful in a competitive industry - I have worked part time since I got pregnant several years ago and throughout two maternity leaves/ returning to work twice.

I do not know many women - either through school or old friends - who work full time. I live in London and everyone I know works - being a SAHM is virtually unknown.

But there is a middle ground of part time or flexible work and that is far far more common.

I think it's absolutely fine to work full time IF YOU WANT TO. But the truth is that even primary aged kids might benefit from seeing mum or dad at the school gate. It seems strange that mumsnet veers towards 'yes, just work full time why wouldn't you'.

I think we should all have the choice to work how we want without judgement. But working full time is definitely not the norm for most mums I know (I wish I could say dads as well). In fact a five day working week seems to me too much for anyone!

The more people that demand flexible hours or part time - the more employers will feel they should offer it.

My experience too waterrat. The only mother I know working full time is a barrister and her husband can work flexibly as an academic.

waterrat I agree with you completely. I am returning to full time work because there are no part time of flexible jobs advertised in my industry. I hope that when I’ve established myself there I will be able to request flexible or part time hours. I don’t have an issue with DD being in childcare more during the school day, but I’m not happy about her having to be in holiday clubs for around 6 weeks a year.

It’s annoying because I’ve done at least two jobs that were advertised as a certain number of hours but which I’ve managed to do in less hours because I’m clearly more bloody efficient than the previous holder of that role! And I got both to reduce the hours I had to do. In one the manager clearly had no idea how busy any of her team were, and of course if you need the full time salary you’re not going to point out that you’re spending quite a lot of your day reading articles on the Guardian website.

In my experience in London in a competitive industry in the City, ft is not unusual but flexible or agile working is much more available and acceptable these days amongst professional women.

I have gone into 2 roles ft, and almost immediately was allowed to work from home. I currently work remotely from home 2-3 days a week, ft and paid very well for it.

Why go down to pt if you can get ft pay AND see your dcs and make a decent number of school gate appearances and all the sports days, school plays and dentist/medical appts (shared out with an equally flexible parent, of course). The downside is the separation between home and work life gets blurred but that is a trade off I am prepared to take.

Trouble is after a career break it can be very hard to find good PT work. Realistically the options may be FT work (hoping for a future opportunity, once established with an employer, to go PT) or much lower paid/worse PT work.

We found both working ft quite full on. We’re now both slightly pt, compressing our hours to reduce childcare bill and Maximise time at home. IMO you’re more needed at home for school aged kids with homework etc

Do it and when you get established ask about flexible working co presses hpurs or 80 per cent contract

Get a ckeaner and outsource housework.ironing etc
Use online shopping get a delvery pass

Benefits long term
Pension
Financial independence
Extra income for holidays and adventures
Funds to support university for dc etc

Two things... You are unlikely to return from a career break into well paid interesting part time work. More likely to do a full time stint then apply (or negotiate) for a PT role. Secondly think long term, what would happen if you lost dh income (sickness, or god forbid run over by a bus/run off with someone) ... Would you be financially oknin the long term...

I work FT and have done since DS was about 6mo. I am not a high flyer (local govt actually) and DH is in the forces so away a lot/works long hours. DS is happy, well-adjusted and has formed strong bonds with his carers. Do what works for you.

Do it! Mine are 2 and 4. Both of us work full time Mon-Fri in middle management roles, both having an hour commute morning and night too. It's hard but doable. When they were both in Nursery Childcare was easy, but long days 7:30-18:00, however they both started at 10 months and adjusted well. DH and I could only make it work with flexible working, so he would drop off at 7:30 and work 9-5, whilst I would leave for work before them to start at 8, but leave 4 to pick them up. Both our jobs mean we can finish bits of work from home on an evening if needed once kids in bed, but luckily that's not expected of us (I do it occasionally to maintain goodwill if I need time off or to leave early).

Now the eldest has started school we've changed our working arrangements so that between us we can both do school drops offs then she goes to after school til 18:00. We still swap late morning and evening finishes and both negotiated 1 day a week to work from home as it saves the commute.

Top tips...a cleaner is my one luxury, online grocery shop, do as many home admin jobs or popping to shops in your lunch break as possible. Clothes all sorted for week on a Sunday night and give it at least 6 weeks to settle into a routine. It felt chaotic to begin with (as it does again now that we've changed to one in school) but that will settle down.

For me going back full time after both periods of Mat leave had been positive and my career had progressed. Promoted within a few months of coming back last time. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM so work is best for me.

I make sure evenings before bed time and weekends are family time and make the most of holidays,

Sorry but if you want my honest opinion I think its mean to leave a child for 5 days a week with a nursery presumably for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You have said you don't need the money - I could understand if you needed it for heat and food but you are just doing it for yourself really.

I would go back to them and say you are incredibly interested but could only commit to 3 days a week before your children are in school.

I worked 4 days a week 9-4 when my son was 3 so am in no way a preachy SAHM with a husband earning 100K. However another idea for you - left my son with a Childminder, I feel that this was a kinder option as it was like taking him from our home to her home and she always took him out every day to different places. Where we live the majority of nurseries are in built up central areas so most don't even have a proper garden, just a few meters of concrete out the back door and that's it. I couldn't imagine my son going to one of these un-stimulating baby prisons for over 40 hours of their week.

Not everyone has a choice and I think a lot of it comes down to what you do the rest of the time. If you make sure your kid is your priority the rest of the time and it’s quality time your kid will be better off than say with a stay at hone mum who just cleans the house and surfs the web. So really it comes down to how you spend this time and what options you have.

Witch No all nurseries are like that, though - I’m in inner city London and DD’s nursery had lovely outdoor space and was a wonderful place for her to be. It was one of several lovely nurseries we could have chosen for her in our area.

Also, you’re attached no worth to paid work other than money. But even if you do think money is the only acceptable reason to go out and get a job, the OP will be able to secure a much better pension for herself the more paid work she does now.

But ‘just doing it for yourself’ Well, why the hell not? Do you think the same of men with full time jobs? Doctors just doing it for themselves, the selfish sods? Come on. You know that’s not right. Just because a woman gives birth, she doesn’t cease to be a teacher, or doctor, or lawyer, or banker, or farmer. A man doesn’t, does he?

But a mother - well, she’s solely a mother, isn’t she? I suppose she might be allowed to care for an elderly relative, perhaps. Do a bit of voluntary work? FFS.

WTF am I reading?!?

Take the Ft role. Your DC are at an age where nursery is great for their development. They get professional help for getting ready for school, you get to put away towards your pension and your DC get to see mummy working outside of the home for her own benefit.

I see you aren't married. Why the hell you stopped working is beyond me. You have been in a very vulnerable position. Now you have an opportunity to change that.

Fwiw I work FT and so does DH. Yes it's hard work but we are much better off both working. Both of us earn enough to support our family on our own. We have just started with household help because DH is traveling a lot.

Other forms of childcare are available.
Check them out.
A cleaner isn't a " luxury" if you working full time and want time with dc at weekends. It s more a necessity.

@witch the nursery you describe bears absolutely no resemblance to my son's nursery. It's the most amazing place....loads of outdoor space, nature trails, veg patch and allotment (they grow their own veg) the staff are brilliant and it's such a stimulating place both indoors and outdoors and my son is so lucky to be able access that setting. I don't consider myself mean at all - quite the opposite.

Also, a career isn't just about money. It's so much more than that.

OP does need the money - she has no pension!

blueshoes you mentioning retraining in your 40s, can I ask what you did?

Agree with “blueshoes” in my neck of the woods (SW London) lots of the mums work ft in professional roles but they all have flexibility & can also work from home. As mentioned I’ve worked ft for the last few months, I do at least 3 school drops offs every week, do the parent & child reading every week & have never missed sports day, assembly etc. During the summer holidays which was a little more challenging I did a combo of annual leave (I get 6 wks), longer days, wfh & a bit of unpaid leave.

In your shoes I would go for the FT job, and once settled it could explore PT /flex work options, it's always easier once you have your foot in the door. It'd be a hard adjustment, but pay for a cleaner, online shopping, sort out with OH who's doing what and put as much into a pension as you can afford. Enjoy having some extra money to spend on yourself/the family.

The problem with part time is that you mostly get it if you've been at the company for a while. hiring somebody parttime is a big risk (especially somebody who's other half doesn't pull their weight with childcare and eho have just spend a long time away from the workplace). so parttime opportunities go to existing staff (as they should). start full time, snd in a year or so explore your opportunities.

The fact that OP's possible job is a 5 min drive away, and her OH works at home is massive IME. It makes something that many do, but find a challenge, into something much more 'do-able'.
Even a 'normal' travel time door to door of around an hour each way, is saved. That is 2 hours every day, for both parents (and I know some people take more than an hour door to door to get to and from work).

linkylink I was a practising lawyer but re-trained almost from scratch as a risk & compliance lawyer when I was 40.

Thank you for answering “blueshoes”, I have restarted a new career in my mid 30s which I didn’t think was possible, won’t be as highly paid as you but still find it inspiring to hear about others. Well done!

I would go for the full time role and see how it goes. If it’s a nightmare then you always have the option of trying to negotiate shorter hours or giving up the job. In which case you’re in no worse a position.

And I say that as somebody who has been out of my field for five years, doing jobs which are similar to your part time receptionist job, and am now hoping to return to more of a career job and really struggling.

Give it a shot.