What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

[Onlyfools]

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

You’re not married?!

Unless you have plenty of your own money and assets, get back to work FT asap!

Very sorry about your DH Olivergrundys

Olivergrundys i'm sorry about your husband! but in a similar vein, mine wasn't able to work (or do childcare) for health reasons for several years. without my established full time work we would have lost everything. Relying on one earner is very, very dangerous (it takes a tiny llittle wrong step on a short staircase to potentially loose everything)

Thank you Loopy and Yura.
My work keeps me sane (and the family solvent!)

think about where you would like to be in five years time and go with that.

If you’re unsure try the ft job - if it doesn’t work out then you can always leave. Once you have been in your job you might find there are flexible or part time opportunities.

A 5 minute commute sounds brilliant and will save you a huge amount of time.

Both of us work full time. Tbh I would ideally work 3-4 days but my job doesn’t really lend itself to it.

The job was advertised as 40 hours but it turns out it’s actually 45 if you include the lunch hour.

It’s 8-5 every day.

I’m not sure. I know deep down my life is going to change incredibly much and I’m not sure I’m ready.

I’m going to miss my kids so so so much. But I know deep down I can’t let this opportunity pass me by. The extra income would make things a lot easier. I guess I could make every weekend amazing for them. There would be no more struggling or watching every penny.

But I’d be leaving at 7:45 every day and home about 5:15. They go to bed at 7 and wake up at 7 so instead of seeing them (especially daughter 24/7) I’d see them hardly at all

Once they are at school mornings arent quality time anyways. Its a lot of drill sergeant, double checking bags, changing jumpers that have cereal down them etc. Leaving at 7.45am will be great then!

And 5.15pm to 7pm is about average for afternoons with kids when working. Its plenty time.

Yes, not ideal, but if you’re not married and need money (which you do, as you have no pension) needs must. They will soon be going to bed later.

things will change anyway with the DC in school and also they wil lbe staying up later soon as dc 2 will probably drop naps....
mornings are a whirlwind anyway so once thats in a routine you wont notice it particulary

it is a really good opportunity....try and see how it goes ..what you change once you get there...eg I work half my lunch hour so can leave 30mins earlier

Thanks. That helps a lot.

My daughter will get 30 hours funded hours in a year too so it means I’ll have between 9-3 everyday free this time next year. And I’ll probably regret not taking this opportunity when that time comes and I’m cleaning the house daily just for something to do or in a unfulfilling receptionist job.

It’s just so heart breaking to think my life will no longer be just being a mum. Which is great and a good thing but it’s emotionally conflicting.

What someone said previously about losing this opportunity and being 70 still working minimum wage really made me think this is a long term decision rather than short.

Out the house 7:45 to 5:15 I think is totally fine. My ds just started school he has breakfast club at 7:45 which I walk him to, pick him up at 5:15 from after school club and we have dinner together at 6. It’s ideal. He loves afterschool club and the few times I’ve collected him straight from school at 3pm he’s been disappointed to miss his den building / nature walk or whatever asc are doing.

Guilty of posting without reading the full thread I'm afraid!

In your shoes I would take the full time job. I'm currently on mat leave with DC2 and will be going back full time again with a 4 year old and 1 year old. DH also works full time. We don't have a cleaner or grandparents close by but have short commutes and a 50/50 set up with regards to sharing chores and childcare.

Obviously haven't tried it with 2 kids yet, but found it busy but very manageable with 1. Depends on DHs job though. I found it hard when he was in a role with lots of travelling.

Oh and for me it was a case of not wanting to become deskilled or have years out of paying into a pension that really swung the decision for me.

I think you’re making the right decision. Don’t forget, you’re children won’t be going to bed at 7 for long (I’m astonished your older one does!), they’ll be snuggled up with you watching Bake Off before you know it.

It is emotionally hard. I’m looking forward to/dreading my start next month, it’ll be a real life changer for our family and take some getting used to but absolutely worth it in the long term. Working practices are changing and I feel positive about the chance of doing flexible hours or working from home. Hopefully you’ll have similar opportunities down the line.

It’s absolutely right that this is a long term decision. I’m seriously doubting that there will be a state pension by the time I retire, and I certainly do not want to be working into my 70’s - for one thing, I have a chronic health condition that will get worse as I age, so for me it is a case of making hay while the sun shines. I probably won’t be fit to work by the time I near retirement age anyway.

I want to be able to help my kids with university fees should they want to go. I want financial security should my DH get made redundant (again). I want my kids to have opportunities I never had - one has a talent for music that I want to encourage, my parents never had the money to pay for lessons or even an instrument.

It wasn’t possible to reduce my hours when I went back to work atter maternity leave (needs of the service), but I was allowed to reduce my lunch break to 30min so I could leave 30mins early. That made a big difference as I get home before the worst of the traffic, so cutting my commuting time. I batch cook/ use a slow cooker for weekday teas so I’m not wasting time cooking every evening. The nursery we chose had an excellent outside space, and their values reflected our own, and they were very keen to follow our children’s routine that we implemented at home.

I say go for it. If for no other reason than if it doesn’t work out it’s always better to regret the things you’ve tried than those you didn’t!

We both work ft with 3 kids and commute. It’s the commute that I don’t like - if you are 5 mins away I would do that. If it doesn’t work out at least you tried it you could reduce days if all in agreement.

But yes it is doable and you are fortunate it can be a choice

You will have holidays and weekends. I work 30 hours which is perfect, but would rather do ft than not at all, or weekends. We have a cleaner who irons, all food delivered and Amazon prime for next day birthday gifts etc. My dh works longer hours but helps a lot.

A cleaner would be a definite. We already do online shop so that would be fine. We would probably need to alter dinners and find easy quick recipes as right now I probably spend too much time cooking which works right now but I wouldn’t want to cooking a meal from scratch every night if working all day.

We have a gardener currently to cut grass. Maybe I would out source the ironing for the week (school clothes and work stuff) or maybe I’d just squeeze it in on a Sunday evening. Trying to just think of anything that will make my evenings more enjoyable and about the kids.

I did a list of 15 min meals, like a pre cooked chicken and new pots that go in microwave in bag. After a while I was able to get more ambitious again.

Definitely work full time. A 5 minute commute is perfect and if DH works from home he can prep dinner in his lunch hour (peel potatoes, chop veg etc) ready for you or him to cook it at the end of the day.

Agree with the need for a cleaner and DH will need to do 50% of chores and childcare (plus days off when kids are ill).

It’s a no brainier, especially if you aren’t married so have no legal protection if you split and no pension.

It’s just so heart breaking to think my life will no longer be just being a mum. Which is great and a good thing but it’s emotionally conflicting.

Every mother feels like this going back after their first maternity leave, whether they have to or made the choice to. You are not alone. Everyone gets over it and if it does not go away, quit.

Don't let that passing feeling dictate the next 30 years of your life and the financial security of your family.

It seems like a huge hurdle now but once through it, you and your family will adjust to a busier and more organised life with more spending money and less wheel spinning from you being under-utilised at home. Look back at this 10 years from now. That is when the working career mothers truly pull away from the SAHM/non-job mothers in terms of lifestyle and fulfillment.

You will always be a full time parent.
But some of your time will be focused on work
You are still a parent. As is ypur dp

As long as the children are being looked after in a place where they feel happy, there is nothing wrong with having two working parents. Some kids fit better into a loud and busy nursery, others into a smaller one. Others need a nanny (or nanny share to save costs) or childminder. Choosing the right childcare is the biggest decision to make when you are a working parent in my opinion - "childcare" can't all be lumped into one. They are spending most of their waking hours there so you have to choose somewhere they love.