What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

[Onlyfools]

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

Even if you are married it doesn't protect you forever in the event of a split. Yes you're better protected legally but ony if there are assets to be divided. And yes you may get half the house/pension/whatever but your future earning potential will be greatly reduced.

I'm lucky that I love my job....many women enjoy working!

Do it. Your children might love you for it.

In fairness here there is a divide on the thread between women who have invested lots in education and training and the dream of having a fulfilling and meaningful career. And those who have not. Clearly the ones in the first camp will be egging you on to have a career. Those in the second camp will be egging you on to stay at home.

Which camp are you in OP?

For me, the first option, without a doubt.
You have the ideal set up, with OH working at home and you only 5 mins away, with regular hours and an interesting job.

I had to go back to full time studying when DS was 9 months. I was sad at the time and felt all the guilt but now I love it. Half the time is full time placement hours and half is more variable but he has been so much more manageable since he went to grandmas and nursery. We are still the best of chums and have our own jokes and cherish every second we spend together but he is no longer as clingy and terrified of me going a meter away.

Make sure you find a childcare provider you love. So worth it to drop and run knowing how well they will look after your kid.

Thanks Morethan, the time spent chasing activity groups, she will be building on her career, baby gets all other skills at nursery and everyone wins. Weekends can be dedicated to family time. She will also help create employment by hiring a cleaner once a week.

FT. It is local. It uses your skills and qualifications. There will be serious upside over the years.

I am so glad I have always worked. Despite a career change in my 40s, I am now at the position where I can aim for the top job in my field which will come with some serious financial benefits, that will pay off our London mortgage soon and set the dcs up. The freedom and security is gratifying.

That is the question; which camp am I on? I really don’t know.

Here’s the thing I studied so hard to get my degree. I had my son whilst studying. He was in full time child care.

I then moved to London and got a well paying satisfying graduate job. It was great. I felt incredible that I was able to achieve all this despite being a young mum and expectations of me being low. I was fulfilled mentally and really proud of myself.

but I had zero help from family. It was me, OH and Ds 500 miles away. OH worked in London and abroad. We wanted a second child and I had a MC with no support and still working so many hours and I started to crumble. I wasn’t in a good place mentally and I missed my son terribly.

I fell pregnant, moved home to family, OH started working from home and there was an increase in his wage. Things were good. We had DD and I focused on family life.

And now I’m started to get restless. I absolutely love my children but it can be so boring and I feel desperate for mental stimulation.

Also although we are comfortable, we pay all of our bills, we save, we go holidays - it means there isn’t much left to use day to day. I do need to watch what I spend. I rarely buy for myself. So extra income would be nice and I wonder if I’d cope with and full time job better now our circumstances have changed.

In fairness here there is a divide on the thread between women who have invested lots in education and training and the dream of having a fulfilling and meaningful career. And those who have not. Clearly the ones in the first camp will be egging you on to have a career. Those in the second camp will be egging you on to stay at home.

The second camp does not sound like it has much going for it. OP seems to be getting restless in any case in the second camp, where she currently is in.

Given the choice I would work part time during the week. I'd reconsider when both kids in school full time.

^Me too

I think you should stay at home at least until the kids are at school. The kids are young for a short period of time, do you really want to miss these precious years? There's other ways of being fulfilled instead of a job. I would feel very sorry for the 2 year old being left in nursery all day as well. Can you imagine at 2 years old being surrounded by a loud noisy environment with staff to look after you rather than your mum? There's no way the staff can care about him as much as his own parent can. Also who's values will he learn? Not yours , he will learn whatever the nursery teaches him rather than your own family values. I think if you do to for a ft role at least get a childminder instead of a nursery.

Although OP you are restless, jumping into full time work is a huge step. Is anything part time likely to come up in your field? I am also well educated, as are many friends taking some time out whilst DC are young. I’ve managed to build up a small business which is flexible and will open up doors in the future.

In your position, where you don’t need the money, I wouldn't take the evening & weekend secretarial job.

The other job is certainly a good opportunity - 5 minutes from home & using your skills etc. If you do either, it should be this one.

You’re not married, you’re prioritising your DH’s work, you’re making excuses for him being an uninvolved parent...none of that is wise.

You should probably take the job, but you’re going to have to rethink your attitude towards your OH because he’s going to have to step up and actually parent his children. Yes, he puts a roof over your heads, but you’re currently, enabling that. It’s time he enabled YOU to be able to do that, no one knows what’s around the corner.

Many men take advantage of their partner to do all the domestic stuff so they can climb the ladder, then the partner is left holding the bottom rung, gripping it for dear life when the OH runs off into the sunset with Little Miss Lovely.

Personally, I honestly think children do better when one parent is a SAHP (or 50/50 each parent), but children in good childcare do ok too and it’s better for each parent to maintain their careeers and pensions, sadly.

I’m currently working full time with a 18 month old & 4 yr old & I have found it easier than I expected. What helps is work is a 15 min walk away & my eldest’s school is on route. I also have flexi hours & can work from home if needed, which really helps. We have a cleaner & DH does his share & I have my mum around the corner & mil is a short bus ride away which is handy for emergencies & additional childcare (the youngest also goes to a childminder).

It is supposed to be temporary due to workload & staffing issues however I’m enjoying getting my teeth stuck in & the extra money so Im sticking with it for now. I wouldn’t give up my weekends though.

Holidays can be tricky if your employers are inflexible. And the kids will probably be in holiday clubs for a few weeks.

For me the worst bit was trying to get time off in school holidays, even harder to get the same time off as dh.

To answer the question as to whether it is doable, yes of course it is but you need to decide what works for you.

Both me and my oh work full time in professional roles, with my oh frequently working from home.

However we work as a partnership with neither job taking precedent despite him earning more.

This means that whoever is in first puts dinner on, the other cleans up, one sorts the laundry, the other bedtime routines.

We take it in turns for school drop off/ pick up and with the inevitable sick child will discuss who is best placed workwise to work from home.

If he’s away, he does things online whilst sitting in the hotel room, such as the weekly shopping, present buying for the millions of parties, insurance, etc.

We also have a cleaner and occasionally put the ironing out so that we can maximise family time.

I’m not saying that any of this is easy but it is doable.

Oh & the lack of commuting stress & time makes such a difference. I’m less tired now with a child who wakes early then I was pre kids getting the tube to work.

I would feel very sorry for the 2 year old being left in nursery all day as well. Can you imagine at 2 years old being surrounded by a loud noisy environment with staff to look after you rather than your mum? There's no way the staff can care about him as much as his own parent can.

My 2 year old DS loves his nursery. And his childminder (we split the week between the 2). So yes, I can imagine it. He's the one making most of the noise....

I assume your partner pays into a pension? If you can't afford to pay for a pension for yourself from family finances then you can't afford to stay home.

I know it sounds difficult but too many women put themselves in a vulnerable position. Courts do not acknowledge your support for the family and your partner/husband will benefit from your time at home.
Get a job you love and you won't feel like you are giving up being a sahm.

If you've got an offer of FT work a 5 minute drive from your house, that is amazing - seize it with both hands!

What Contessa said ! An excellent opportunity - go for it .

You will be fine - good luck

Also the role doesn’t have to be for enough, who knows what opportunities it may lead too.

A job only five minutes from home is most people dream.
You are not married and restless so glad work.You will be mentally better off and future proofing yours and your children's lives
Your children will be fine and will enjoy the best of you.If you have extra money you can save,spend money on yourself and get a cleaner.If you want a happy family then it has to be for all and that includes you.

Another reason for going the FT job now = right now you only have a gap of 2.5 years so you could possibly still be reasonably current, depending on industry, but the bigger the gap the harder it is to get back in.

I've worked evenings and weekends (indeed I still do but I now work for myself and will work evenings and weekends if I need to to meet deadlines) and it's not all it's cracked up to be - family time goes out the window, it was a kiss on the cheek as we passed each other in the driveway, although with your OH working from home that won't necessarily be the case but he is still working as opposed to being "at home" if that makes sense.

Absolutely go for it. You can always reevaluate 6 months down the track. I've worked FT since my children were young. I negotiated 1 day off a fortnight by working an extra hour each day. Before that I was coming in half hour earlier and finishing half hour later as standard so it doesn't make a difference to my day. It's handy for those times you want to attend something at your kids school etc.

I chose to go back to my career because it is fulfilling, I keep my skills current, I put more away for retirement, we have more savings and more money for family holidays etc

The house is actually easier to clean as there is no one home during the day.

*In fairness here there is a divide on the thread between women who have invested lots in education and training and the dream of having a fulfilling and meaningful career. And those who have not. Clearly the ones in the first camp will be egging you on to have a career. Those in the second camp will be egging you on to stay at home.

Which camp are you in OP?*

^ this cuts to the heart of the matter. In my RW experience I know of no one who is as cut and dried about this as the views you get on MN. Most feel they’d like a good balance of family/work but on MN it gets quite black and white.