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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

222 replies

Onlyfools · 11/09/2018 20:28

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

OP posts:
choli · 11/09/2018 21:11

Of course it's doable - most people don't have the luxury of choice. You need to come up with a plan as a couple for how it will be managed. Don't let your partner make the logistics your problem alone.

MattBerrysHair · 11/09/2018 21:12

Go for the full-time job. I was a SAHM when exh and I separated 3 years ago and I am now earning just over minimum wage and have no pension. I know people don't plan to have a broken marriage and get divorced but they honestly should. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

Curious2468 · 11/09/2018 21:12

In your situation I would go for the first time role. Your children aren’t tiny and your hours aren’t excessive. If you were talking about a 6 month old and a 50-60 hour week I would maybe suggest alternatives but what you are suggesting sounds totally doable! Good luck

maddening · 11/09/2018 21:14

I took vol redundancy when returning from mat leave with ds , it was basically a years pay untaxed so I stayed off work living off this and then fiancé's salary, went back to ft work when he was nearly two and a half. My career has gone strength to strength and I have doubled my salary in five years, now dh works ft also, ds is fine and we have a lovely life.

AspieHere · 11/09/2018 21:16

Personally I think you should be around more for your children. But this is MN so most will be in support of putting children in childcare and working full time.

Echobelly · 11/09/2018 21:16

It's not my place to think anything of parents working ft with young kids - their choice (or in some cases necessity)!

Flaskfan · 11/09/2018 21:17

We've both worked full time (and the rest) since dc were 9 months old. No apparent harm.

NiamhNaomh · 11/09/2018 21:18

I work FT as does DH. I am not sure I am much use to you as over the years we have managed to get to a stage where our childcare is minimal, less than 1-2 hours per day for children aged 6-13 with me working term time only. All if that was possible based on making very family friendly choices of working and by my continuing working after maternity leaves and being available for opportunities that arose. We had some tough FT years to ride before getting to where we are now but I would never have considered not working as I wanted my daughters to see and experience as equal a parenting family set up as we could manage.

PicnicPie · 11/09/2018 21:19

Do it! You can always change career plans at a later date if it doesn't work out but you should at least try it.

I also went back to work FT after 3 years at home. Mine were 3 and 2 at the time. That was 2 years ago. Since then I've negotiated flexible working so I'm home 2 days per week for school runs and I've just recently been promoted. I love working and feel better for it.

You and your dp will just need to be really supportive of each other's commitments and communicate clearly.

Good luck whatever you decide.

maddening · 11/09/2018 21:20

Oh and the lack of commute (I also have a tiny commute) is amazing, it makes all the difference.

One thing that made a difference to me I see hat I do drop off and dh does pick up (h does 7-3 and I do 9-5) so If I need to work late then it's no problem.

My current job allows flexible hours and I can work at home whenever I want.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 11/09/2018 21:23

Personally I think you should be around more for your children. But this is MN so most will be in support of putting children in childcare and working full time. Just the mother or the father as well? How are parents supposed to pay rent and bills without working? I'm a single parent and did work part time when me and his dad split but I had to rely on benefits to top up my income which I hated as in reality they could be stopped at any time and I'm lucky enough to be physically and mentally well enough to work full time.

Jdeah · 11/09/2018 21:23

Totally depends on how much your DP can do at home with the DC, housework etc. It wouldn’t work for us because my DH works long hours and finds his job very stressful and exhausting ,and between us we would be far too tired every evening to look after the DC and house properly if I worked full time. DH will do a bit in the evening but mostly I have to keep on top of morning and evening routine for it to fun smoothly. Why don’t you go to the interview and see how you feel? My parents worked full time and I felt I had a poor relationship with them, but I know that is not true of every family. Aside, I would miss my children terribly if I worked full time.

OddBoots · 11/09/2018 21:24

FT sounds entirely feasible in your situation and sounds like it would be a good choice for you. It gives you some protection if you and your partner split and will allow you not to be dependent on a small state pension later.

woodlands01 · 11/09/2018 21:27

Go for the FT job. A 5 min commute with children in school is amazing - it's the commute that has stopped lots of my friends returning to FT work. Your youngest will be at school in 2 years and working locally is a massive advantage - if there is a problem you can be there quickly, for me this was a massive stress reliever (DH worked an hour away). By the time both in school you will have some experience under your belt and your employer maybe open to flexible working allowing you to drop off or pick up from school.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 11/09/2018 21:27

@aspie is it just her responsibility to be around for the kids or should that apply to their dad too?

OP - we only have to one but we both work full time ( I went back when DS was 10 months) and have zero regrets.... DS is in full time childcare and absolutely thrives. Children are happy when parents are happy so go with what works best for you.

PTW1234 · 11/09/2018 21:27

Repeat, and repeat again, again, again, again x 10000000 childcare costs are an investment not a burden.

It’s difficult to try and juggle two ages for childcare, especially when big one starts school. But everything else should be a breeze if you and DH share the load and are just organised.

PTW1234 · 11/09/2018 21:31

Never feel guilty about using childcare full time, it hurts my brain that people would put themselves into poverty on this belief..

Verbena37 · 11/09/2018 21:31

Once you’re in the FT role, you may find you can change to more flexi hours if need be. I’d go for that whilst the kids are still young and adaptable.

AdventuresRUs · 11/09/2018 21:32

Whereas where I live I honestly dont know anyone at all who used childcare full time!!!
It really would be seen as not optimal for the child and only to be done in a desperate situation.

oldgimmer78 · 11/09/2018 21:32

Personally OP I would never do a FT role if I didn't need the money, especially with preschool dc. For me the stress wouldn't be worth it. Do bear in mind that you have been in the home for several years, a FT job will be a bi g change and if your heart isn't really in it (which you're doesn't appear to be) it could be miserable. I would take the PT job and work the hours that suits you. It will be more like a break than a job.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 11/09/2018 21:36

AdventuresRUs Shock How do people work?!

cptartapp · 11/09/2018 21:36

I wouldn't rely on regular family help long term, it's not always fair or reliable and I've seen others with a similar arrangement come unstuck in the short term and feel massively beholden over time.
If you can sort alternative paid care for this I'd go ft, and if your DC struggle then maybe your partner can reduce his hours or take a turn staying home. And prioritise marriage.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 11/09/2018 21:37

@adventure whereas where I live most people put their children in full time childcare because we have careers, mortgages and bills to pay.

Definitely the optimal situation for us and not one hint of desperation anywhere. Just a happy little boy and happy parents .

EvaHarknessRose · 11/09/2018 21:38

I think as you would have minimal commute and dh some flexibility it could work well. Plus you could get established and then ask for some flexibility when they start school.

I think there is unquestionably value for the dc in having more parent time where possible though, its just weighing up the balance for your family.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 11/09/2018 21:39

OP I'll also say don't be put off thinking it has to have a negative impact on your relationship with your children. My mum was a sahm and my dad worked 6 days a week. Growing up and for quite a time after I had the better relationship with my dad. Yes he had less time with my siblings and I but he made full use of the time he did have and made an effort to make it special. He also did all bath and bedtimes and made breakfast for us all as a family every morning.