What is your opinion of two parents working full time with young kids?

[Onlyfools]

Is it doable? Do you do it and if so are you happy?

Kids are 2 & 7 and ive been a SAHM for 2.5 years. Before this I got a degree and job.

I have an interview for a job which would use the skills of my previous job. It’s full time 40 hours per week but only a 5 minute drive from my house.

Nursery would be used most likely on 4-5 days for youngest. I could potentially get family to help get older child from school.

Would you do it? I feel unsure that I would cope with leaving the kids so long. But also currently feel unfulfilled in life and looking for something else.

Other job is a receptionist earning between £200-£500 a month. Evenings and weekends only so no childcare required. No guaranteed hours however.

We don’t need the money it would be nice to have some extra however.

Which option would you chose if you were me.

Not judging just pointing out how areas obviously differ.

People often have one partner part time or not working. Not a high income area. People sacrifice to be around for their kids. Very much only the odd one or two that doesnt have someone at school for end of topic/sports day/whatever it is this term to come in for. People change lifestyle accordingly.

Can your dh adjust his hours so that he can pick them up from school and nursery, do the after school but, then catch up with work when you get home?

Hmm I’d be really unkeen
I’ve worked constantly since school other than two six month maternity’s but have been PT since the kids came along.
They are tweens and teenagers and I won’t go backto FT.

I would miss them basically and we are fortunate we can afford this.
My DH is full time and a high level job.
I managed to stay at high level but go PT and whilst my career progression has probably been slowed it hasn’t stopped and I’m able to pick it up when they leave home.

I have massively valued the time with the kids and I know they have too as they tell me.
They always loved it when i collected them and had time to ask about their days etc., have their mates over and watch them do sport etc.

I know some families have no choice and it works well to both be FT or both parents prefer that. No one else’s business and you must do what’s right for you.
Kids will almost certainly be fine however but for me PT was better.

Can you negotiate an early start (7am) and your DP drop off if you can finish in time to collect your eldest from school and shorten the nurseryday a bit?

Also, get married. You have no financial protection unless you do sadly.

The stress is worth it though, the stress IS short lived.

It’s important to note that the mother who has worked extremely hard for her degree, or on her career so far, can also have a life after children and well beyond their children becoming more independent.

Honestly, I live in an affluent village and the amount of extremely bright mothers who have basically ruined their chances of being employed again, because they have quit their jobs to be SAHMs, is crazy!

Most of them are extremely bored now, and post 500x in shared Facebook groups etc on a daily basis... they are not enjoying life now their precious snowflake has left them to go to school....

Full time job with no commute definitely.

It’s a juggling act both of us doing full time around the kids (more so around school than nursery) but I wouldn’t want to not do it. I do long days a few days a week but mix that with after school off twice a week and some work from home.

Can you both keep on top of housework and cooking though?

That’s what stresses me out working full time.

Thought processes of meal planning and cooking and cleaning the loo and doing the washing. Will dh pull his weight?

Definitely the FT job as you're not married

Go FT (and no commute makes it even better). If you hate it, you can always resign!

Be smart, protect your future earnings potential and your pension. Hubby will have to learn to pitch in (funny how often men magically never have any flexibility for their jobs - I would challenge him if he’s not supportive but I hope he is on board).

I’m the (much) higher earner in our family. DH is a teacher and I make several times his salary - on paper it would have made sense for him to stop working, but he didn’t want to and and I always supported him working 100% (which included paying central London nursery fees , having lots of babysitters on speed dial, a cleaning lady etc)

Our eldest is 8 and happy and secure despite having a mom and dad working FT!

It really would be seen as not optimal for the child and only to be done in a desperate situation.

[grin[ What a good joke @Adventures

We both worked full time before and after my kids were born (they are 1 year apart in age). I had a good career going and husband had own business so it made financial sense but it was bloody hard and looking back I don't know how we did it, especially with an unreliable CM and disabled youngest child always ill or at hospital. There were days/weeks where I don't know how I held down my job and it was only really because at the time my management cut me a shedload of slack. So much easier now DH has given up work but admittedly our circumstances are very different to yours, maybe it's easier when they are school age...

I absolutely wouldn't do it ever again.

Both of us always worked full time. I'm lucky to have a job that I enjoy and find fulfilling. We had a mixture of nannies, nursery, au-pairs and understanding employers.

It's definitely doable and working has made me feel very happy. It's also meant that now the kids are adult I can think about maybe slowing down a little and retiring at 55.

The kids seem totally unscarred by the experience of childcare. Probably less scarred by my working than they would be if I'd stayed at home and gone quietly (or more probably noisily) loopy.

Sounds great. Only 5 mins from your house so no real commute means you’ll be spending nearly as much time with them as I do with mine working 4 days plus long commute. I went back to work after maternity leave each time.

I agree with others that the evenings and weekend job would be much more disruptive to family life.

And it would be nice to have more money for you and the family wouldn’t it.

And I just realized you’re not married: so until you are, I would really advise you to go FT. You’re way too vulnerable at the moment (the amount of women on the Relationships section of Mumsnet who sacrifice their career without the protection of marriage is terrifying)

@AdventuresRUs

“Whereas where I live I honestly dont know anyone at all who used childcare full time!!!”

Where do you live? It’s pretty common here in London.

I should point out that my DF worked overseas a lot with business so with my DM working full time (8-7 as an academic, and in the evenings) it probably wasn’t the situation many families are in with two parents working FT. But most families I know have at least one parent working PT with young children, and adjust lifestyle accordingly. I worked PT as a teacher a year ago and it was very stressful particularly if a DC (we have three under 6) was ill. It had a negative impact on our relationship because neither of us had much (any?) downtime or time to spend together. But some families clearly make it work well.

@adventure you do sound very judgy....comments about people adjusting and sacrificing suggests that those that have chosen to work full time are refusing to do this.

I chose to work full time and does my DH. We could manage if one of us went pt but we both love our careers and have invested a lot of time, effort and money into them.

Both of us have made it to every stay and play, dance show, nativity, sports day etc. We share pick ups, drop offs and sick days. Sometimes with seniority and long service comes a great deal of flexibility.... something I'd struggle with if I'd have had a significant career break or worked part time.

Take the full time job. The children will be fine and you will be fine. Accept that it will take time to figure it out. You will really regret not doing it.
Commit to your dh, children and crucially, yourself that you will take it easy at the weekends focusing on family time and rest.

I would LOVE to be you!!

I know very few mums who can provide the social skills, music, creativity etc that a good well run nursery can provide....

I would take the full time job in your position

I wouldn't do it. I've been home for 5 years bar 16 hours working in a supermarket a week and the kids have never been in childcare. I have a 5 year old just starting school and a 2.5 year old. I've started a new job that is working 9-2.30 4 days a week - perfect! Except the training was 6 weeks full time and now I'm doing full time for the whole of September as part of a 'flex up' up contact.

It's really really hard. I'm really attached, i hate leaving the kids so long. They are struggling after having me around so much previously and its not settling or getting better. Once I go down to my 9-2.30 4 days, it's a perfect balance and I can always do pick up.

You don't have to take either of these jobs. Wait for the one that suits your family or negotiate at interview as you don't have anything to lose if you don't need the money.

I'm planning on a meeting after probation to get rid of the 'flex up' part of my contract so I never have to work more than 22hrs.

Not read thread but I would try and be there for as much for the 2 year old as you are for the 7 year old till 2 is 4.

With pt hours or something then go for it when youngest starts school.

Having done things slightly differently with mine.. I feel a bit guilty.

I'd go FT with a cleaner and whatever other domestic support you need (ie lawn mower if you have grass etc) so your weekends are weekends and you get to do family things. As Harried says above, it will take a while for things to fall into place.

A job using your skills and a 5 min commute is a dream for a lot of people. Do it! :)

No judgement from me. I think its important that you have childcare that your children are happy with.

Flourishing you will find if they can't provide that they are usually able to take... Thier dc somewhere where they can get that with a parent at thier side too boot. Millions of baby classes, toddler classes, singing, percussion! Drama for tots, soft play, tots gymnastics, ballet, dance, create and make, tiddler cooking, toddler gardening... Messy play, woodland craft play, and your basic toddler groups, £2 a session with endless toys, pals and singing...

Another vote for the FT job. That commute is fantastic for a fufilling job. DH went from a PT job (4 days a week) to a FT one but reduced his commute from over an hour each way by train to a 15 minute cycle. It saved us a fortune (no commuting costs and less childcare required) and meant he was actually at home just as much because it saved 8 hours travel a week (cycling counts as exercise as well!). And with kids at school he can pop out for a school play or sports day and not use up annual leave (and means I don't have to do it since my commute is longer - 30 mins drive but out of town). And since your DH WFH it's brilliant, you can both manage the child sickness emergencies (long commutes are a killer in those situations).

You could ask about doing 5 days in 4 if they offer you the job but if they say no you can always put in a formal request after 6 months that they might consider at that point (DH reduced his hours again after being there over a year).

And seriously, you're an unmarried SAHP. You should definitely get married immediately or get a FT job for you and your children's security. What if your DP gets hit by the proverbial bus?

@haribo very few jobs offer those sorts of hours. Mine certainly doesn't and if I demanded those sorts of hours then I would struggle to progress.
For some people it's about the 'career' doing something you love and have worked hard for.