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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bother with tomorrow's job interview because I can't even cope not working

208 replies

sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:04

Brief history
Well qualified good job
Divorce, during unplanned preg. Now left alone no friends no support.
Disabled dd age 12.
Have had 2 years off work, dd2 is 3.
Applied for competitive but lower level role, was excited by the role and thrilled at the interview!
Its been a shit week back to school, my exH has given me the silent treatment, dd1 isnt coping and still awake (autism) and dd2 has just been sick everywhere.
I've been recently drinking more and am getting depressed at the no interaction/general skivvy mum role.
Really cannot be bothered to go, doesnt seem much point. Just want to crawl into a hole.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Redtartanshoes · 06/09/2018 22:09

You’ve got nothing to lose by going, assuming you have child care in place for interview. This is going to sound cheesy as hell but this could be your “sliding doors” moment. The point you’ll back on in years to come when everything changed. It might get you out of that hole, into a place which is so much better. An income, structure, adult company, something for you?

It might be shit too, but you’ll never know if you don’t go.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 06/09/2018 22:11

The best revenge is a life lived well!!

This could be the start of the new you.

Redteapot67 · 06/09/2018 22:12

Working so much easier than staying at home! Go for the break...!

imsorryiasked · 06/09/2018 22:13

was excited by the role and thrilled at the interview! that's what you need to remember - if you don't go to the interview nothing is going to change. This is a chance to take a step in the right direction and find something for you. You might not get the job, it might be shit but at least you're trying.
Good luck!

Momsnatter · 06/09/2018 22:14

I felt similar before my last interview. I’d been trying to get a new job for two years. Had interview after interview.
When I got this last interview I had a chest infection and only two days to prepare a presentation as email had been sent to wrong address.
So very nearly didn’t go. Dragged myself there and got the job. I’ve been happier than I have been in years.
Give it a go - you’ve nothing to lose x

Original poster
sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:20

Thanks all. I did loads of prep last week but havent put together certificates or anything like ID. Its just been kids stuff im sick of it.
Im currently on income support. And have fuck all childcare for eldest, she is tricky. Term fine but not holidays. If i give up benefits i cant get back on them and i cant afford not to have money as i own my house.
I cant cope with the relentless responsibility constantly oressing down on my chest. I want to scream but cryong comes out instead.
ExH has told lies to all his family and is now making sure I cannot ask any of them for support. I refuse to comtact him though.
Not sure I even have anything left inside me to talk about tomorrow Sad
I hate to moan but I just have no life, no friends, partner, nothing. A week ago i was so excited

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/09/2018 22:24
Flowers Go along for the experience. Don’t over invest in the interview but do it to remind yourself that there are options. You don’t actually have to take the job if it is offered but impossible for you to manage.
Neapolitanicecream · 06/09/2018 22:27

Get some sleep and Please go for the interview what doesn’t kill you makes u stronger it’s true 💐so dig deep moment

Original poster
sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:31

Thank you.
I feel so shit saying it, when others have real problems, but everything seems so bleak.

OP posts:
BobbyDazzler1 · 06/09/2018 22:33

You should go for it and do your best. Work and routine are so good for recovering from low mood and difficulties because they bring distraction and a new focus. You’ve had it rough and I have every sympathy for you, but here’s a chance to improve your situation. Obviously life will still have its challenges ar home, but work will give you an outlet from this. I wish you all the very best. Sleep well Flowers

Daisychain11 · 06/09/2018 22:38

If you can then go for the interview. Like others have said, you have nothing to lose. You’re interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing you, so if it isn’t right then don’t take it.

‘No life, no friends, no partner’- all of this can change if you’d like it to. Keep applying for jobs/ join clubs or classes/ online dating. Lots of possibilities.

If you do feel like everything is overwhelming though, remember to talk to your GP as you may need some support.

Good luck Smile

Oneweekleft · 06/09/2018 22:40

You can't give up, your kids need you. They've got one childhood. Do you want them to look back in sadness and think how everything was bleak or look back and think their mum made the most of what they had and fought for them. Nothing's easy in life but you brought your children into the world, they depend on you, don't give in to self pity and walowing.

Chapterandverse · 06/09/2018 22:42

What time is your interview? Do you have time to get a good night's sleep now and organise certificates etc in morning?

NC172938 · 06/09/2018 23:06

Go for it, the worst that can happen is that they say "no". Best that can happen is you suddenly discover a job you love.

NadiaLeon · 06/09/2018 23:10

YABU - your children didn't ask to be born, and now you're resentful at them and having a pity party. Self pity is not attractive.

willstarttomorrow · 06/09/2018 23:13

OP I have been in my job for several years but when DH died I took time out and a few years later when the grief hit I did it again. It felt at the time that there was no way I had the mental capacity to go back however I did (partly because of money but also my manager was amazing) and I now realise I am better when working. You get into a routine, use your brain and have a focus outside of the home. I am not pretending it is easy however it has become more apparent to me that it helps me be a happier person. I am bloody good at my job, my colleagues are a fantastic bunch with a shared sense of homour (very lucky with my team) and my days, weeks, months have a structure. When at home, after a while, I found myself wasting my days and like you drinking too much. Good luck, do not let the fear stop you. The unknown is terrifying but it soon becomes the familiar.

ratatatatouille · 06/09/2018 23:16

Kick a person when they’re down. Nadia Hmm

Positive vibes Op, you can do it.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2018 23:31

Yank up your big girl pants all the way up to your armpits and GO. Only you can claw your way out of this fog. You can do this.

PussInSandals · 07/09/2018 00:41

NadiaLeon, being unpleasant to someone when they are clearly having a rough time is much less attractive Hmm

Original poster
sanssherif · 07/09/2018 07:21

Thanks all. Shes right though. Im having a total pity party. Thing is, the school hols and being cut off from exh's family have sent me a bit mad. Mine aren't around anymore.
I do think.the routine and being made to get up each day will help.
Baby was sick once more.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 07/09/2018 07:24

My ex who had ds dumped me on the morning of my interview! He had been cheating on me. I knew I had to put a smile on my face brush myself down and went to the interview and got the job! It was only national wage but it was a job and secure a future for me ds. Go for the interview you can really surprise yourself sometimes op.Flowers

imsorryiasked · 07/09/2018 07:39

Good luck OP

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 07/09/2018 07:43

You have a 100% failure rate for all the shots you don't make. It's hard but get as much documents as you can and give it your best shot!

EvaHarknessRose · 07/09/2018 08:01

Stop drinking have a sober September.
Go for the interview.
Choose a day when you feel OK to make a reasoned decision about taking the job or not if it is offered to you.
Good luck.
The drinking and your wellbeing are most important for your dc.

Foslady · 07/09/2018 08:02

Come on now - we believe in you (ignoring one person!), you know that you need to make a change and this could be your big chance, go for that interview and use it to stickntwo fingers up at the lot of them! Even if you son’t Get it, you have it your best shot, more than they did to better all of your lives